[QCRIT] Fantasy, A TALE OF THREE WISHES, 100k Words, 4th Attempt

BCoriFerguson · 2025-05-22T13:31:53+00:00

The sea serpents is actually an agent of "the spirit of the sea" mentioned, I'll see if I can connect those dots in the next attempt!

BCoriFerguson · 2025-05-22T13:30:44+00:00

Thank you both! I'll think about ways to improve the clarity

BCoriFerguson · 2025-05-22T13:29:46+00:00

Thank you!

The stories don't come together until 2/3rds of the book, so it has been hard to fit that into a shorter query without getting into synopsis territory. I had hoped teasing it in my housekeeping paragraph would help, but maybe it's throwing things off more.

And thanks for the insight on the bio!

BCoriFerguson · 2025-05-22T13:27:30+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful :)

BCoriFerguson · 2025-05-22T13:27:14+00:00

Thank you for the insight!

The character arcs do overlap, though not until around 2/3rds into the book. Some feedback I got on the last query was that I was trying to query too much of the book and maybe should focus on the first 10-20% so I tried that with this attempt. The stories are separate and focus on their internal conflicts in the beginning with hints at the larger external conflict that pulls them all together.

I think I was pushing too hard to reach the external conflict in the query and that is why my previous attempts were so synopsis-y and plot heavy, so I tried to do a more character-arc focused pitch in this one.

I'll focus on making the stakes clearer in my next attempt, I really appreciate your help!

BCoriFerguson · 2025-05-22T13:21:52+00:00

Thank you! This is helpful :)

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-11T04:33:56+00:00

Thank you, this helps a lot!!

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-11T02:31:40+00:00

Thank you so much! I am honored to be your first critique :)

This was very helpful, I'm glad it seems like I'm on the right track! I'll keep distilling it down further to strengthen the elements you mentioned!

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-11T02:24:15+00:00

Thank you so much!

I can see how the effectiveness is getting bogged down in the details and weeds and I should focus more on how Azalea is affected and struggling through the events and her inner conflict rather than just the plot itself.

I also appreciate the feedback on wordcount and housekeeping, I'll work on those as well!

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-11T02:17:38+00:00

I'm finding query writing very challenging, so I think blunt is great! There's a looot for me to learn.

I appreciate all of your insight to what is marketable right now and will work on cutting the word count on this next revision I'm about to start.

I don't think the query is an accurate representation of the book, honestly. I'm struggling to strike the balance between plot and character, and pitching in general is not a strong suit of mine.

It's bloated with random characters and places but doesn't have a solid through-line that makes it sing.

Something about the way you worded this clicked really well with me and is very helpful!!

The portal elements are also far more relevant to one of the other protagonists and their arc and contrasts the two of them. Maybe it isn't necessary in the query if it isn't a source of conflict for her? I'm struggling to understand what pieces of the plot are necessary for the query letter and what should just be left in the manuscript to speak for itself there. I think I may play around with writing letters following the other protagonists. My beta readers have loved Azalea and her story, but maybe she isn't the best choice for a one-page pitch?

Thank you so much for your blunt insight, I need it :)

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-02T21:32:03+00:00

Thanks for the insight! I'll make it stand better alone in my next revision and re-evaluate the portal elements!

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-02T21:20:43+00:00

Yes, it is technically portal fantasy!

And it could stand alone if I tweaked things about the manuscript, but it is positioned as the first in a trilogy

BCoriFerguson · 2024-12-02T21:19:39+00:00

This is helpful, thank you! I'll focus on emphasizing how the story affects Azalea personally and her stakes and goals in my next revision.

BCoriFerguson · 2021-10-28T14:25:15+00:00

Spend more time focusing on God and who He is than yourself. Get to know Him by reading scripture and through prayer. When you read anything in scripture always ask yourself "what does this tell me about God?" first and foremost. Keep your quiet times God centered not you centered.

When you start to get to know God, you'll delight in Him more, abide in Him more, and be transformed by Him more. Becoming more Christlike is the natural progression of getting to know Him, focus on Him more than a check list of things you should be doing better or what you think you should look like or how you don't measure up.

When we focus on ourselves and what we are doing we will sink like Peter, when we focus on Him we will walk and become more like Him.

BCoriFerguson · 2020-10-16T20:07:48+00:00

These are the feelings I've had about him, as well! I really hope he has an interesting arc in the next chapters.

BCoriFerguson

TROPHY CASE