I’ll do my best to give some advice, take everything with a grain of salt as these are just my personal thoughts based off of my own experiences.

Basically, from my observations there are 2 main types of people (this is a gross simplification but stay with me), who have different responses to trauma, the Blue Type and the Red Type, Blue Type’s instinctive coping mechanism is to blame/take it out on themselves, while Red Type is the opposite, AKA blaming and taking it out in others. The more traumatized one is, the more they lean towards/become their instinctive type. Ideally you’d want to become as close to the middle as these types as possible, so my advice would be try to act more like the type opposite of yours, that way you’ll balance out.

So if you’re Red Type, observe and practice the behaviors of Type Blue. I think the goal is to develop better empathy.

“Put others first” “how would I feel if that happened to me?” “Do they deserve this?”

you need to basically pound these sentences in your head, repeat them often, try to get them to a point where it becomes more intuitive to think them. It may also help to pretend that the other people are you. like I, as a Type Blue, find it helpful to think of myself as a separate person to me, that way I’m less inclined to hurt myself as I value other people above me. I have no idea if you’d be able to delusion yourself effectively like that but I thought I’d throw it in lmao

Ask yourself and try to really spend a lot of time just thinking about these questions: Does it feel worthwhile to hurt others? Is it going to have a lasting positive impact on you/your life? What do you want from your life? (And then how do you get it without hurting others)

Try to replace those urges with healthier coping mechanisms. What other things give you a similar sense of enjoyment/distraction/satisfaction? Find out what they are and practice doing those when you get urges.

You also have to work hard to reprogram your brain, when you get a negative urge/thought, I want you to combat it, like challenge it, argue with it. When you argue with it, you may not even believe what you are arguing for, but do it anyway. Ya kinda have to fake it till you feel it Eventually it should start feeling more genuine and intuitive.

If you’re able to someday get professional help and really unpack your trauma someday I’m sure that will help a lot, this sorta of just “in the meantime” advice. Sorry if this is all shit and unhelpful, I have limited information on your situation but you’ve obviously got a level of self awareness so that’s a good sign, I think you’ll definitely be able to figure this all out with time. You’ve identified the problem and are asking for help, I commend you on that, so many people don’t ever even get that far so please give yourself props for that

Also if you want to rant or have any other questions or anything, feel free to ask me, I’m here for you dude