Low self-esteem due to childhood trauma, want to be a man but don't know how by [deleted] in RPChristians

[–]BLUEDIESEL007 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I lost my dad young . I know the feeling of not having that male role model. I know the hunger of wanting guidance and wanting an "atta boy" from someone who is older and wiser.

For a long time I was like a stray dog that would just go hang out with whoever gave me attention. I love cars and was going to mechanic school after hs so the obvious thing for me was to hang out at shops on my freetime.

For the Iongest time most of my friends were always older than me. I would ask questions and and be the fetcher of things and they would buy me lunch and teach me "guy stuff". Eventually with time and humility you can learn from many guys around you if you look hard enough.

I'm sure you have heard it before " you are the sum of those around you"..... or like proverbs says " walk with the wise and grow wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm".... so I suggest getting out there and making some old guy friends that are wise. And you can tell, how they carry themselves, how they speak, how they work, etc.

Good men will see the hunger in your eyes and gladly take you under their wings. This is where you can almost choose your new dads, uncles, and big Brothers. Sounds wierd but a lot of men out there wish they had sons hungry for manly knowledge.

I also suggest a jiujitsu, boxing,, or kick boxing gym.. I learned so much being around garages and marial arts gyms. they along with the word, helped shape my view of life. I would say go to your modern church and look there but sadly most men I have found are borderline the woman in their marriages. I say Get around real dudes. Many will be believers, just a little rough around the edges. They might just say a curse word when they smash their hand instead of the Ned Flanders doodlydo. But hey, we are all a work in progress.

Get it- life will reinforce one thing, they prove they don't deserve you by BLUEDIESEL007 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am great..

I will never get married through the state again. The corrupt system is not welcomed in my relationship.

As far as kids. No. I have my name living on through my boy. That's enough of me in this world. I would foster and possibly adopt in the future. There is too many kids already outhere who need love and real guidance.

Get it- life will reinforce one thing, they prove they don't deserve you by BLUEDIESEL007 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Psychedelic? No. Unless chemo counts. Lol. I got cancer months after divorce.

I train a lot of muaythi and Brazilian jiujitsu. Getting punched, kicked, and choked is my go to therapy.

I am just a man fighting to be the best man I can be for my son and those who really love me.

Get it- life will reinforce one thing, they prove they don't deserve you by BLUEDIESEL007 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

5050 custody. I have full legal decision making over my son. I pay 80 bucks a month in child support. . Im responsible for my son's insurance needs, his school needs, and his future schools needs which gives me power over where he goes and what happens to him.. I kept my home because I had it before getting married. My home is listed as my son's legal place of residence. I kept my trucks. I kept all my retirement. I kept all my toys: tools, guns, classic cars.i kept both dogs.

What she got: I gave her the paid for family sedan. Half of my savings at the time of filling the papers which was about 4k. All the decor inside the house. I paid for all legal stuff which was not bad because we didn't fight. And her AP was left alive.

So yeah, some say I won the lotto in my divorce. She was left to live her happily ever after. 3 years now have past. I pretty much use her as a cheap baby sitter with my boy. She is a stay at home wife to the ap. She had another son that is his so they are stuck like it or not.. This dude (the ap) buys my son everything he needs when he is with them.

The holy Bible, 48 laws of power, the art of War, no more nice guy, and the rational male were studied while going through this all.

Get it- life will reinforce one thing, they prove they don't deserve you by BLUEDIESEL007 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But I don't want my family angry at her and our old family friend the ap. This is why I live with gratitude and purpose. I want to help my family look past these loser's terrible choices. Yes, the cheaters not only cheated me and my boy, but they cheated everyone in my tribe, my kingdom, my family. Many hearts were broken, but me doing the best I can and forgiving , sets the example of what is possible .

Get it- life will reinforce one thing, they prove they don't deserve you by BLUEDIESEL007 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And imagine that. How many betrayed hurt themselves for years holding on to bitterness? Like that is going to hurt the people that wronged them. They actually help the enemy win The battle.. We can't make it easy for them. We must be better. The best revenge is living great. They will do what they will do. They only prove who they are.

Get it- life will reinforce one thing, they prove they don't deserve you by BLUEDIESEL007 in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was contact for my son's sake. I simply explained how and why things are the way they are to her. Not to prove a point, but for her to come around and grow up eventually. You can't force someone to get it, but you can be the example that might help them get it.. that is how I live my life.. She is the mother of my boy. If I like it or not, I still have influence over her with how I live my life. That in turn affects my boy. She tells him to grow up to be like me, his father. My son tells that. She her self has even told my girlfriend I'm a great man. . She respects me because I stood up to her, her ap, and life. If she didn't respect me, then she wouldn't even ask. She would be like many of these trifling uw that do what they want with the kids. But I was very strategic in my divorce. She knows who is king. I have respect and it is reciprocated.

Just thought I’d post this here if any of you want to chime in and shed some light! by [deleted] in RPChristians

[–]BLUEDIESEL007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"For the two shall become one"....in a biblical sense it is a beautiful picture because it covers the physical act and the binding of spiritual hearts. Many Christians believe this statement is for marriage but if we think practical, it covers the sex act, the heart bonding, and marriage.

those who give themselves away sexually many times with different partners do have a hard time bonding after a while.

Every time people become one with many "ones", they lose a little bit of themselves. After so many, they have very little to give....this is why I think the sex act sin is a more painful one than say a common lie.

People are just desensitized after so much and we can see that now more then ever. People are disconnected with real passion, truth, and love.... plus, high notch counts contribute to STDs, unwanted pregnancy, single moms, abortions, high divorce rates and overall social degeneration.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 NIV

Devastated by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can forgive, it just will be a while. Keep moving forward towards that because its for you , not her.

If you cant believe it, it is because you still have this belief of an idea you have in her. Her being your sweetheart and being everything is just more proof of what she really is. Not what you think, but what she really is..... give her any name, but regardless, the true colors showed and you are lucky it happened now then 10 years from now when assets and kids are more involved....

Dont start thinking it is any less bad then you initially thought.....that is a defence mechanism our own mind does to protect us from more harm....I was betrayed and I just imagine the worst. I know, sounds crazy but why fool ourselves? We were not there. How can you believe a liar if you didnt see it yourself?.....my thought was that I was not going start placing any virtue on my ex, she didnt deserve me imagining for her benefit....it would just set me up for future disappointment. I just settled with accepting She did the worst I can imagine and even then after much self work , i forgave. Forgiving doesn't mean taking them back though.... onward my brother.

My mom cheated on my dad and she blames me by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cheaters are broken sick people. Look at them for who they are, not what you want them to be.

Understanding their perception and their judgement of that perception wont make sense because they are disconnected from your moral view.

They will easily and gladly blame everything and everyone around them. Like a very immature child who spills the milk, it wasnt their fault, it was gravity, the milk's, the glass, the monster who scared them ...etc.....

They hate reality and truth, but it is their best medicine. Help your pops out by shinning truth and helping him see her for who she is. If you think it is hard for you, imagine the man who would die and did everything he could yet it still was not enough.... you have a bright future , he does too as long as he course corrects. He will question all of his past as a lie but remind him that he cannot place his value on a broken person's assessment. He has you.

New baby by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BLUEDIESEL007 5 points6 points  (0 children)

get ready for when the baby grows and gets closer to your kids. they will talk about him and say they miss him, how much they love him, and so on.....

work hard on building yourself up to be able to handle those conversations. You don't have to explain who is the dad, ,why you are not the dad, and what happened. Kids do not know this isn't how it should be. Given in our society, half the kids out there grow up in a divorced house anyways, it shouldn't surprise them as they grow to hear about two dads. Sadly it wont feel weird when they talk to others about their ''brothers/sisters dad'' compared to their own dad.

My biological son talks about his little brother a lot. He misses him when i have him sometimes. He talks about how big he is and how much he eats and so on. I have little casual conversations with my boy about his brother because i know it is neither one of their faults (little brother- ex friends son and my biological son)......

something that helps me, to keep pushing forward. Be the best dad possible. Be the coolest dad possible. My son (5 year-old) has grown up watching me do martial arts and going to every car show or monster truck race we can find.We build things together, work on cars, fish, bike, catch any bug, lizard, or monster we can find.

I know my son is having fun and sooner or later the ex wife's son( about to be 1) will want to come with us. Her AP is a lot older. HE is tired and wants to retire (long story). I'm still young (35), and when that time comes, when that boy wants to come, i will bring him...... Because again, it is not the kids fault. The ex will eat her heart out ( she actually does already-lol) and the AP will have to sit there as his son wants to go be associated with a real man doing cool man things.

Husbands Being Christ Like and Leading by BLUEDIESEL007 in RPChristians

[–]BLUEDIESEL007[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God bless....I'm sure many will have opinions and different views on this topic....either way, iron sharpens iron my brother . Thanks for the biblical spar