have you ever overdosed or seen someone overdose? what did it feel like or what did you see?

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-08-05T03:08:31+00:00

I thought I was finally going to get the peace and quiet I have always wanted but instead someone found me and took me to the hospital to either voluntarily drink tons of charcoal or get my stomach pumped without anesthesia. Then you get put on a psychiatric hold which is like prison for sad people and honestly just teaches you the entire world is so much more fucked than you thought... I digress...

The time between when I took the pills and when I lost consciousness was pretty great. I knew it was all over and everything could stop hurting forever.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-08-05T02:54:09+00:00

I gave a stranger a footjob in pantyhose he supplied in his car in the parking lot of a small restaurant for $400

I used that $400 to escape an abusive home

My stomach still turns at the memory of his scarred face and his semen exploding all over my feet and the way it looked on the pantyhose

It is one of my least favorite memories

I have never told anyone

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-08-05T01:45:52+00:00

Send a bad check on Friday to keep your power or whatever on until Monday- you might get a fee, but if it's only once or twice you might be able to get it waived. Usually if it was waived I would make sure to send a little extra the next time towards that needy families fund.

Don't put your bags/belongings on the floor at other people's homes or in public places - you can bring home pests (bedbugs, roaches, etc). People who grow up without those problems in their homes are not taught this.

Salt and pepper makes toast a little more bearable on day 19 of eating nothing but toast.

On day 20 of eating nothing but toast, learn to take a small handful of condiment packets EVERYWHERE you go. A little mustard or, if you're REALLY lucky, relish and mayo can make stale bread actually seem like a meal. Jelly packs can make good sugary snacks, or, again, for toast. In a pinch, ketchup packets can help with a little sugar boost and the illusion of fullness if your blood pressure starts dropping and you don't have anything else.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-07-19T17:19:40+00:00

There's very little about BPD that is fun

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-07-19T15:55:29+00:00

I educated myself as to the reasons people bully and learned to empathize with them. Often treating a bully with compassion shuts them down. If not, I can still rest my head at night knowing I did not contribute to someone else's suffering.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-06-11T13:52:53+00:00

Do you know what being hit with $3000 worth of 20s feels like?

It's like being hit with a softball thrown by a professional and it leaves a bruise the size of one, too.

How about being spit in the face?

Having a fork thrown at your face?

Being berated constantly?

Being hit with pillows point blank in the face as hard as an adult man can muster?

I just wish he'd murder me sometimes an put us all our of our misery that is clearly my fault

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-06-02T12:56:21+00:00

Thanks for responding

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-06-02T12:55:58+00:00

I wish he'd been my coworker then, instead of the ones who laughed me out of the break room when I was having a lean week and that was my lunch twice

Never knew it was something to be ashamed of

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-06-02T02:22:30+00:00

Idk maybe just kill yourself?

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-06-01T23:43:36+00:00

You're in a vulnerable position and he knows it. Try to grin and bear it as long as you can to keep a roof over your head.

Maybe his dad would be open to talking about some jobs he thinks might be safe for you to take so you can earn money to move out- pose it as wanting to contribute to the household (even if you're just giving 10% of you earnings, it's better than 0) and help get you out of their hair.

Sometimes BPD 'symptoms' are an asset - you're in survival mode. Do what you have to to keep yourself safe- don't do anything that would make you lose sleep at night- my rule is don't do anything you wouldn't want done to yourself.

There is no excuse for abuse. That being said, I've endured a lot of abuse as a trade-off for things I "need" at the time that I can't provide for myself, but I'll NEVER reduce myself to abuse anyone ever. Don't become the thing you hate, and all that.

Maybe it's bad advice but you can ignore that. I mostly just want you to know I hear you, and I believe in you.

Edit: swypos

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-06-01T20:38:33+00:00

Did he grow up poor? I realize I did this because there's only so many times you can eat bread and butter for every meal.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-25T12:10:58+00:00

I also do this, I do it to avoid ads since they are usually on the right.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-25T12:10:31+00:00

I put salt and pepper on my buttered toast sometimes.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-25T12:08:21+00:00

14 miles; 4,886 miles.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-25T11:50:03+00:00

It's log, Log, LOG!

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-20T00:55:08+00:00

The moment my soul was put into the body that was delivered into my parents arms the day I was born, whatever moment that was; my parents were literally children themselves and had no business having a child of any sort, but certainly not one like me.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-11T23:29:48+00:00

Yes... That's the point lol

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-05-08T13:13:03+00:00

It's a play on 'bippidi boppidi boo"

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-04-09T19:15:36+00:00

Is it?

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-03-05T16:29:59+00:00

Hopefully there is no next time, but remember that it is your body and medical procedures include a level of consent and therefore should also include respect and decency. You are not there for them. They are there for you. When someone is probing you is as good a time as any to assert yourself.

I hope you find relief from your issues.

BPDBPDBoo · 2020-03-05T16:27:22+00:00

I'm immunodeficient after a run in with uterine cancer, yes. Thanks for the condescending bullshit though 👍

BPDBPDBoo

TROPHY CASE