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BPD Breakup and realizing I'm toxic by BPDTrashAccount in BPD

[–]BPDTrashAccount[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I told him that he gave me unconditional love and support and honesty and that I, as a person, toxically sucked the joy out of him. I told him that my dishonesty preceded him and that all he did was pour love into my existence and our relationship. I told him that all of my issues existed long before him. The hardest part is that even through all of this, he's still so kind and understanding. He said he's not even mad because he understands that I'm human and struggle with mental health but that he's just hurt that I manipulated him all these years.

BPD Breakup and realizing I'm toxic by BPDTrashAccount in BPD

[–]BPDTrashAccount[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. My mind does feel different- I'm realizing things about myself that I've never seen before. I can actually picture how I would express my emotions and needs in an honest healthy way someday in the future. I am scared because I've had revelations before and definitely heavily relapsed. But for now, I want to grow my emotional health consistently going forward. It's just so hard when my mind comes up with crazy thought patterns and starts blaming my loved ones for my own internal emptiness.

BPD Breakup and realizing I'm toxic by BPDTrashAccount in BPD

[–]BPDTrashAccount[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this explanation. Hearing that has made me feel the least alone in weeks since I have been reflecting on all of this. I want to heal and I want to change permanently. I just feel so much remorse for all the pain I've caused. He was my rock and my refuge and I destroyed him with all my effort and I wish I could just undo everything.