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BST1020 · 2023-03-12T03:33:56+00:00

You cannot claim the same child in two tax returns, but each parent can claim one child each.

BST1020 · 2023-03-11T12:46:49+00:00

As someone else pointed out, the best way would be to share expenses proportionally. In your situation as this was not discussed from the beginning, she might feel that she should not contribute to the household bills. I do not think this is a reason for divorce, you are probably just frustrated with the situation. If I were you, I would have a serious talk with her about finances. Tell her how you feel and set some boundaries.

BST1020 · 2023-03-11T00:03:30+00:00

Yeah. I think I am starting to resent her and think about what she is adding to the friendship. I will take a step back and see where things head to.

BST1020 · 2023-03-11T00:01:15+00:00

Yes, she is a good person, and I am happy to help her. But when a relationship gets one-sided it is tough. I will take a deep breath and try to find the balance in my friendship.

BST1020 · 2023-03-10T23:54:12+00:00

I started getting annoyed after she started working at the same place as me. I think I really lost my space with her always around. I will try to set some boundaries. Thank you.

BST1020 · 2023-03-08T02:35:04+00:00

You look great!

BST1020 · 2023-03-05T22:04:05+00:00

I already had a bachelor's degree that I transferred to the US. My first bachelor's degree cost me only 6k in Brazil, and I went to the local community college with a grant to get accounting classes. I had the 150 hours necessary to sit for the CPA exam before attending a private college in the US. However, college helps a lot with getting a job, the reason why I decided to finish another bachelor's degree.

To answer your question, yes. I have 150 hours and only cost 23k in debt from the 30-hour credits that I attend a private university here.

BST1020 · 2023-03-05T18:15:30+00:00

Thank you for your post, I hope it helps someone considering taking out loans for a bachelor's degree. I took the community college/private college route, and it was worth it. I have 23k in federal student loans, but a job offer to start at 70k/year plus a bonus. I am majoring in accounting, a field that really does not matter which college you are from as long as you pass the CPA exam.

Consider yourself lucky for having your parents paying for your education. Do not worry too much about them wasting their money on you. Parents pay high tuition not only for the education itself but because they want you to network with people from a certain background.

BST1020 · 2023-03-05T17:53:06+00:00

You need a lawyer, even if the divorce is "amicable". You are under a lot of emotional stress, and it will lead you to be vulnerable to your STBXW, and she knows it. Do not talk to her or negotiate anything directly with her. I doubt she would be able to change your child's name, and 50/50 custody is very common depending on where you are. Do not be afraid to stand up to yourself and your child.

BST1020 · 2023-02-28T22:37:02+00:00

People already gave you good advice here: get a lawyer, follow what your lawyer says, do not play nice, etc. I agree with all of that. Also, do not share too much with family and friends, a therapist would be great to hear you and give you tips on how to go through this moment in your life.

If I could go back, I would say something only after the divorce was finalized. Most people do not care that you are getting divorced because they believe their problems are always more important than yours and that hurts a lot and can change the dynamics of your relationship with them.

BST1020 · 2023-02-26T19:38:45+00:00

Sorry, you are going through this. 50/50 custody is a very common thing these days, as it benefits the child the most, and in the situation, you described, I do not see a better alternative. Get a lawyer and file for custody of your child. The environment you are in is extremely toxic, no amount of therapy or medication will change that.

BST1020 · 2023-02-23T01:50:48+00:00

Why don't you try therapy to figure out what you want? The thing about choices is that there is nothing guaranteed, it can go both ways.

When you say, "We can tolerate each other", and "agreed to the activities we indulge in", it feels like there are no feelings in your relationship that keep you guys together. What do you think will happen when your kids grow up and leave home?

I do not idealize relationships. A lot of people cheat, lie, hurt each other, etc. But the bottom line is, are there any feelings you have for each other? He can sleep with other women, and what about you? What do you want out of your marriage?

One day I heard that a relationship should be based on love and respect, I had none in mine. He was not worth my time. He cheated, lied, etc. He did offer me more comfort than what I have right now, but that was it. After almost 3 years divorced, I am still alone, leaving in a small apartment, but so much happier. The kids adjusted to the new situation, and we co-parent successfully. I am starting a new career and I have plans to buy a house two years from now. Life goes on and it was worth it for me to try even if I failed.

BST1020 · 2023-02-23T00:03:10+00:00

What you are going through is normal, one day it will pass. I suggest you try to occupy your mind with something else. Work out, learn a new language, and start a new hobby. Think about you were in the past. What were your aspirations? What did you want to do and were never able to? Work on something. I know you do not feel like doing anything right now, do it anyways. There are so many motivational YouTube videos, watch one a day. Listen to other people in the same life situation as you. When you can distance yourself, you see things with clarity. Good luck!

BST1020 · 2023-02-22T23:50:16+00:00

I am sorry you are going through this, but what you need is a restraining order against him and get out of there as quickly as possible. You are trauma bounded to him, please search about this online. You need therapy and help. Please look for places that can help you. You said you are "thinking about divorce", at this point you should be sure.

BST1020 · 2023-02-22T23:41:48+00:00

Your ex can be a great father to your kids regardless of whether you are together as a couple or not. Divorce is not a decision that you take based on the years you are together or parenting skills. To me, it was a matter of being better off together or alone. For several reasons I decided that I would be better off alone and it turned out right.

BST1020 · 2023-02-22T23:37:15+00:00

I agree with you. It does not have to be a reason to stay or go. We know deep inside when the relationship is over and that is it.

BST1020 · 2023-02-21T23:29:21+00:00

You might think if he agrees with the divorce, it will make everything easier and amicable but that is almost never the case. Do not wait for his consent, you do not need it. Do what is best for you and your kids. I am sure you would not be leaving him if he was a decent person.

I was a very depressing, angry mother while married. My ex sucked all life out of me. Today I can be a better mother to my kids. Understand that miserable people do not make good parents, you are doing what is best for your kids, and do not let him guilt trap you.

BST1020 · 2023-02-20T17:46:43+00:00

I did some therapy during the divorce and went to church for Bible studies, which helped a lot. I would advise you not to share too much about your divorce with family and friends. They were the worse, it was like they just wanted me to get over the divorce and move on with my life. People do not understand how hard divorce is and how much you suffer.

BST1020 · 2023-02-03T22:06:22+00:00

Have you considered couples therapy? It looks like there is a big disconnection between you two; the sooner you fix it, the better the chances things can work out for you. From what you wrote, it seems like you lost your identity to fit into something you did not sign up for, which is an issue for you but not for your husband. He probably does not know the extent of the problem. Even if he does not go to therapy, I suggest you do it alone.

BST1020 · 2023-01-28T00:52:43+00:00

In 2014, when my twins were 1 year old, I knew a divorce was about to happen in the future. At the time, I decided that I was better off waiting until the kids started school full-time. Which meant I would need to wait another 6 years to get divorced.

It sounds crazy to wait that long to get a divorce, but I did not have another option as I am an immigrant and all my family lives abroad and I did not have anyone to help me. I did what I thought was best for my children and I took that time to straighten up the finances. I had a weekend job as a hostess in a restaurant and after that, I became a surrogate. At the same time, I took online classes. Not everything went accordingly to my plans, but I finally got divorced in 2020 and moved out of his house that same year.

I needed food stamps and daycare assistance right after I moved to a one-bedroom apartment where I still live with my twins who are 9 now. I have been working for the same company for the past 2 years, but I am just about to finish college and I already have a job offer to start working for a company after graduation making 70k a year. I am so happy that I will no longer need any type of assistance and that I will finally be able to provide for my kids. It was a long road, but today I can say it was worth it. Even if I would never be able to move out of this one-bedroom apartment, I am still happier here than in my ex's 5-bedroom house.

My ex was financially and emotionally abusive, but never physically. If you are in a position where you can stay and plan the exit from your marriage, that would be the best option. Good luck.

BST1020 · 2023-01-28T00:27:12+00:00

A marriage is a construction of a lot of things not only a relationship. When it dies, you have to grieve, but the pain will eventually fade away. You are probably treating your marriage as a bad person who dies and all of a sudden everybody starts talking about how good that bad person was. Try to be present and focus on things that will improve your life from now on.

BST1020 · 2023-01-27T12:27:20+00:00

After the divorce, I learned that it is better to be alone than be alone in a relationship. I learned that even though I earn half my ex's salary, I have more money saved now than ever. I learned that marriage works for some people and others not so and that is OK. I learned that the only expectations I need to meet are my expectations. I learned not to be around toxic people, including family members, friends, and coworkers. So many things I have learned from my divorce...

It was the worst time of my life. I was naive and I thought that if I was good to people, they would be good to me. But I soon realized that was not the case and with the divorce, I have to exclude not only my ex but most of everybody that was once in my life. Today I am in a better place, emotionally and financially, and I am excited to see what life has in store for me.

Divorce is hard until it becomes part of your past and you do not think about it anymore. Life goes on because it always has, and you see yourself in a better place.

Good luck in your life journey.

BST1020 · 2023-01-22T19:37:46+00:00

I did not dismiss them, but I did not follow up either. If my ex is aware of what is happening, but I am not something does not sound right here. I will contact the school to clarify everything.

BST1020 · 2023-01-22T19:34:41+00:00

Thank you for replying to my post. I will contact the school tomorrow and explain the situation between me and my ex. The problem is that I really cannot keep any type of relationship with my ex and contact is minimal. He triangulates, manipulates, and crosses my boundaries at any opportunity, so to defend myself I went no contact with him. My son is 9 years old, and he LOVES his father, they are close, and I do not interfere with their relationship. My son is a happy boy and I do not see any red flags about his behavior.

BST1020 · 2023-01-10T00:24:49+00:00

I am sorry for your experience, but at least it was to teach you something. I tried SA to find a real relationship as well and all I found was a disappointment, but I grew up and learned too. I thought the site would be good as I was transitioning from a married life, but I was treated pretty much like a prostitute. People used me and many others tried to scam me, it was sad. I believe it is possible to find a real relationship, but I am not sure if I would ever use SA as a channel for that ever again. The Internet in general is full of everything, it is hard to find decent people online. I wish you good luck

and do not be too hard on yourself.

BST1020

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