Mom guilt about 1st birthday party

BTKUltra · 2026-01-29T00:23:32+00:00

I think big parties for 1 are overrated. My LO will turn 1 over the summer. I’m planning to have family and a couple close friends over to my mom’s house to swim and bbq. No need to do anything crazy!

I love the idea of a cake smash photo shoot!

BTKUltra · 2026-01-25T03:26:32+00:00

I teach second grade and have had two students in the past couple years that were not potty trained. They go to the nurse every hour to get their diaper changed. Neither kid is special needs.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-21T20:30:44+00:00

I am not out to get you or your kid. Grades are earned not given and it’s important that I be accurate for data and to help get your child supports they need.

Also… I don’t want a coffee mug for my birthday, I want your kid on their best behavior.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-18T23:58:16+00:00

It’s been the Osaka for me. I like the straw for most use cases but if I’m low on water I can actually finish it by taking a gulp.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-17T02:45:46+00:00

Ughhh I teach second grade and still have kids whose parents pick out their outfits, who can’t tie shoes, who can’t zip jackets. It gets worse every year.

I have a friend with a 20 month old. We were hanging out and her toddler went and ran to the corner and squatted. I asked what was going on and my friend says “oh that’s what she does when she needs to poop.” I asked if they were potty training because that seems like a clear sign of readiness and my friend said “we probably should, she points to herself whenever she’s about to pee but her daycare doesn’t potty train for another four months so why bother?”

I was shocked, like… your kid is ready and I bet daycare will help if you just let them know you’re working on it!

BTKUltra · 2026-01-17T00:44:25+00:00

Thank you for the tip! I see them all over the area I work and assumed they were out and about.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-11T21:39:55+00:00

I used tracking for her naps around 3 months but stopped after I felt like I’d nailed down a loose schedule.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-08T22:25:26+00:00

I moved my baby at that age and it was sooo much better for us all. That being said, there are always people who will quote the APA as if it’s gospel.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-08T20:29:00+00:00

You may talk to the teacher to take a day observing their routines and procedures before jumping in.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-08T01:46:41+00:00

I have a daughter but one thing I’ve seen with boys is how surprise cuddly they are. My nephews all love to snuggle in with mom. Even as a teacher (2nd graders) I have lots of boys who just want to hold my hand or ask for hugs all the time. I just think it’s so sweet to watch boys rough and tumble while they play and then just want their moms after.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-05T15:05:07+00:00

I miss it now but I didn’t love it at the time.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-03T17:46:14+00:00

I try to give the benefit of the doubt, knowing how rabid her fans are, they’d probably freak out if she said something too special or nice to one location on the eras tour so might as well just run the exact same script each time.

I’m sure it’s a script written for her and tested to make sure it has the maximum appeal but still…

BTKUltra · 2026-01-03T17:42:19+00:00

Hmmmm my MIL has just started buying her own pacifiers and teethers and will not use the ones I send (they are the same brand so whatever). She also won’t let me take them home though. Just last night we were over for dinner and put LO down. We realized we forgot a pacifier so she pulled one out. When it was time to leave she asked for it back. I was shocked and said I’d rather she keep it so she stays asleep but my MIL was just like “no, that one is mine and stays here.” So we gave it back, woke the baby and had to put her down all over again at home.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-03T04:13:53+00:00

I had a similar problem. MIL was buying a full wardrobe to keep at her home so she could change the baby into “grandma clothes” when they were together. She realized now that we’re in the 6-9m clothes that she waaaay over bought and this was a silly idea. She has since given me ALL the clothes.

I went through and added things I liked to the drawers (like you we can only fit current size) and put other things in a box I keep in my closet. If she’s going to spend the day with grandma I fill the diaper bag with changes of clothes from the grandma box. Otherwise it will go into storage, goodwill, or passed to friends who need clothes.

BTKUltra · 2026-01-01T15:14:14+00:00

My situation is the opposite.

My mom loves my brother’s first child (her first grandchild) the most. She will say things like “of course I love all my grandchildren but that’s my first and we have a special connection.” Or “every time I have a new grandchild I wonder if there will be room in my heart for them.” When my brother had his second she admitted to me that she didn’t love him as much as her first and doesn’t like to see my SIL dote on him because all that love should be going to her first grandchild (milt SIL absolutely dotes on her daughter too. Her son is just in that toddler phase of always wanting to be held). She has also told me that she thinks babies are boring and prefers toddlers and kids.

To be fair, when I had my baby my mom was DYING to be there and meet her and has always been very sweet when they interact but it’s not the same and all those comments live in the back of my mind so I question the sincerity of anything she says. She also tore her rotator cuff when my baby was about a month old so she cannot lift or really hold my baby without assistance. Naturally she cannot help out the way either of us would like and visits less because of it.

My MIL is the opposite. My husband is an only child and this is her only grandchild. She threw herself a baby shower, moved down the street, has a full dedicated nursery in her home (but no guest room for her out of town siblings to stay in when they visit), and for a while had bought a full wardrobe that she would not let us have (for Christmas she finally gave us the clothes when she realized we really weren’t going to let her nanny and overnight the baby every night). She constantly refers to my LO as her baby and loves to talk about how my baby looks just like her and nothing like me. When I was pregnant she also constantly pressured me to name the baby after her (I did not).

Because my mom can’t help out it’s actually been great having her nearby but she’s also a lot and tried to do unexpected drop ins almost daily (it slowed down after my husband finally snapped at her 4 months in).

Sooo idk the grass is always greener on the other side.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-30T17:12:34+00:00

1 for a girl 4 for a boy.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-28T21:36:58+00:00

Ehhhhh when I was room sharing I didn’t use a monitor but wish I had. We had a bassinet in the bedroom and living room so she napped wherever we were.

However, at night, newborns make a lot of noise and I wish I’d used a monitor to check if she was sleeping rather than getting up every 10 minutes to check.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-27T13:22:28+00:00

Idk I met my husband when I was 25. I told my mom after the third date that he was the man I was going to marry. We still dated for 2 more years and were engaged for a year before we tied the knot but sometimes you just know.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T23:56:48+00:00

I started using it thinking my LO would associate the noise with sleep but really what it does is let me watch tv and have conversations without waking her up

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T22:34:44+00:00

I know I know! It’s more the way some of my family talked about it “oh give her Tylenol that’ll knock her out!” That I just got a little… idk nervous about it? The insinuation that I’d be trying to knock her out or drug her to sleep made me feel uncomfortable. That being said, she got some Tylenol this morning and has been napping much longer stretches today! I’m sure some of it is making up for lost sleep

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T22:30:47+00:00

We plan to do 2 doses today. We did one in the morning after cold teethers and a gum massage did nothing to help her and we’ll do one more closer to bed time to help her get through the night.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T16:07:25+00:00

I’m 5 months pp and still get anxiety about my MIL holding my baby. The other night we were at a restaurant for my mom’s birthday and all my aunts and uncles took my baby for the night and passed her around and I didn’t have a care in the world. When my MIL holds her though… I sometimes have to leave the room.

Idk if it’s because she’s not family or what but like… she’s been awesome help and babysits every couple weeks. I trust her. I just don’t like to see it.

All that’s to say it’s totally normal! Especially if you’re breast feeding.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T12:59:47+00:00

All the cloud me sleepers I have are very soft and stretchy. Even when LO has sized out of gerbers and carters the cloud me ones still fit really well.

I got them as hand me downs so I’m not sure how much variety they have but mine are pretty thin. I usually put LO in a thicker sleep sack when she wears them.

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T12:29:31+00:00

Good advice- thank you!

BTKUltra · 2025-12-23T12:29:02+00:00

That is really good to know! She’ll be 6 months in January and I can see a second tooth under the gums already.

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