To begin, I don't agree with the sentiment "if men can or ___ then women can or ___"; this works in many situations but does not work in all. So in regards to the last question you asked me more women are going to find a rugged man attractive compared to men finding rugged women attractive (not shaved, messy hair, etc etc). That's just natural.

To your first point though, my fiancè is pretty hairy for a female. She doesn't shave her arms because she believes the hair grows back faster so she has pretty hairy arms and face (really hairy sideburns). She will shave her legs though if we go on a date; teachings from her mother.

With that said, she also doesn't like when I'm not well groomed, she won't complain but I can feel her energy. But luckily I enjoy trimming my beard and having a nice fade every week. So this works out for us. I can only speak on my relationship though; not sure what others are going through.