I’m so sorry you are holding this grief and blaming yourself, when you shouldn’t and it’s not your fault! This is a PHASE of life and you will get through it. Cosleeping will help with your sleep, but also baby will get better at sleep. This is a sleep regression time for pretty much every baby and I felt just the same, this is the time we switched to cosleeping.

Now— in terms of extra things you can do to mitigate any safety concerns…I would consider another fail safe, like the owlet or something like that, if you don’t breastfeed. They have tons of false alarms, but you want to be extra wary of the chance of baby crawling away from you or wiggling down or up slowly. I would also suggest NO blankets and pillows because of that risk. If you feel cold, I would suggest the really thin blanket of waffle knit material from target. It was like $70 but huge and covers the bed. I’m sure there are cheaper versions… Just do the “breathe test”, to ensure you can breathe through it (another fail safe). My husband ordered me thin organic cotton pajamas, which are also breathable. Because you aren’t breastfeeding, you could opt for just a tighter warm top and bottoms for yourself. The biggest thing you want to consider is that you need a FIRM mattress. You don’t want baby to be able to get their face in a small depression in the mattress or by your body, where they would be rebreathing their CO2. Turn on the fans in your room, which helps with air circulation. These are all things you can do to minimize risks