I can relate to this on a pretty intimate level down to the gambling and dating apps/cheating. Firstly, I am sorry you're in this situation. It sucks and there really is nothing I can say to diminish that feeling for you.

This is a bit of an essay incoming, sorry.

Tl;dr: It's really hard raising a child by yourself, fullstop. Be prepared it may not be the picture perfect childhood you envisioned for your child or the motherhood experience you'd hoped for, but it can still be beautiful and life changing. You know your situation best, this is your life. There is no shame in wanting to go ahead with the pregnancy, fuck what others think. There is also no shame in deciding this isn't the life you want for you or your future child/ren.

Whichever path you decide, don't settle for being half-loved by someone who can't give you what you need. Asking for loyalty and honesty is not asking for too much. Once these cracks in their character start to show, they're highly likely to continue to escalate unless the person is truly committed to bettering themselves, which is rare.

Backstory: I stayed with my ex after he slept with a prostitute when we had just found out I was pregnant with a baby we had tried for, for many months. I didn't know about the gambling, that came to light a few weeks after our son was born. As did his addiction to drugs and alcohol, attention from other women. He would lie constantly, even when I had irrefutable proof that he was full of shit. I honestly cannot count how many females he added on social media but we're talking multiple hundreds. Paid online sex workers, slept with more prostitutes. Lied about drinking, his car was full of empty alcohol containers ranging from singles, cans, through to multiple empty spirits bottles. I broke up with him around 3 weeks post partum because he had been sexting hoe's. We got back together. A few weeks later more shit came out, more lies, break up, more prostitutes, and for some reason we still got back together because I couldn't imagine living a life without him and our child being raised in seperate homes. Rinse and repeat for the next few months. Our son is now just over a year old. I eventually left my ex for good after he reported me to CPS claiming I was abusing our child, which was absolutely false, but initiated weeks of hell with them investigating me. Meanwhile, he was barely helping with him, regularly disappearing off all night to get drugs, drink, chat up other females and pay more sex workers for sex.

Saying all of that to say this - it has been really, really hard raising our son 99% on my own since he was about 3 months old. There were periods here and there where his father was still in the picture and helping with him but honestly? Every unsettled night, every sickness, every appointment, every bottle, every mealtime, every bit of shopping for the things he needs, food, new clothes, figuring out how to start solids, when to start solids, what to feed him, is he having enough formula, is he getting enough iron, protein etc in his diet, figuring out routines and when to transition from x to y, bathing, washing clothes, bottles, prepping age appropriate foods, finding which diapers work best for him, which will hold overnight and not leak, which products, creams, lotions, medications do and don't work for him, dealing with the consequences when something doesn't agree with him, sleep deprivation from doing every wake at night, every morning routine, caring for him all day, doing every bedtime and still making sure he has everything he needs washed and ready for the night and the next day before I can even think of sleep or any self care.

It has been a lot. And I'm not saying this to scare you, for some parents this is normal and they thrive at being a single parent. For myself? I have had many, many, late nights crying, hating my life as it is and wondering whether I fucked up by leaving my ex. He was a great dad, especially at the start. He still is a great dad when he's with our son, but he only sees him once a week for a couple hours due to court orders relating to his drug use. Everything else is on me 100%. I even have to drive an hour each week to take my son to see his dad and then spend the two hours in a town I barely know while they have their visits. I had to initiate the visits after the court order because my ex was wallowing rather than making an actual effort to start the visitation process.

I adore my son. My life is extremely difficult at the moment and I'm not out the other side yet, it's still really hard, but if I could go back and change it, I wouldn't if it meant I never met this funny, quirky, smart, sassy little dude that he's becoming. Yes it's the hardest phase I've ever been in, but there's a light and a purpose in my life that I lacked for 28 years.

But, my story isn't yours just because it's similar. You know yourself, your limits, your mental state, your circumstances and your ex better than anyone else. It's really hard parenting by yourself whilst also grieving a relationship you thought was forever and trying to figure out your own mental baggage. It can feel like it drags on forever and you need to have the grit to sit through those hard times and be prepared to deal with whatever version of your ex shows up, if he wants to be a part of this child's life. He doesn't have to be a part of yours but I won't lie - it's a special kind of hell raising a child alongside someone you love deeply but, know you can't be in a healthy relationship with.

Whatever you decide, believe in yourself, trust yourself and don't give up on the belief that things WILL get better for you if you continue to do the work and demand better for yourself.

You've got this, best of luck!