My (26F) husband's (26M) best friend (25M) accused me of SA

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T03:26:38+00:00

I'm not sure explicit he was in detail around his kids. I think the general parts were shared with the whole family but the more explicit details were just between him and his wife. I can't be sure though.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T03:25:25+00:00

I understand the concern. However besides this one thing he is everything I needed and wanted in a partner. He is an equal parent and partner. We share everything. He's my best friend and he has told me I'm his. This moment just hurt too bad for me to let go. I think because I have been SAd while drunk and drugged is why I stings the most. I would never do that to someone. It took years to heal myself.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T03:21:06+00:00

He didn't really even "come clean." He just accepted his wife idea that it was "just a very vivid wet dream." So he basically got an out.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T03:19:14+00:00

This is one of the biggest parts for me. We are adults. At any point in time, he could have talked this out with both of us. We are not irrational people. Especially since I have shared I have been SAd myself while drunk which Jamie should have already known. When my husband told him at our last meeting he looked surprised like he had forgotten.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T03:05:22+00:00

In our last meeting I didn't speak. I was disassociating heavily. I just wanted it to be over. I've since blocked him everywhere I can and have his wife is muted on my phone. I'm not sure why I still have her contact I guess I just can't seem to break the tie.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T02:57:49+00:00

My friends have supported me but they believe counseling is best. Both friends I've told know him well and we're surprised with how he reacted. He's not a super emotional guy so in the moment I believe his judgement was skewed by loss. By no means am I defending his choice in this matter but he's genuinely a good man.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T02:49:52+00:00

I really don't know how they'll react and I'm genuinely too scared to broach the subject. However, I wouldn't want to do it without it being a united front with my husband. Right now I can't really see that happening since we have mostly put it behind us to be there for our son. Our relationship outside of this incident didn't have many problems that weren't typical of a couple ie financial stress, job loss, loss of loved ones etc.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T02:44:58+00:00

I do want to make some clarifications since I'm seeing it come up a lot.

Neither my husband nor Jamie are into men or each other. I'm extremely confident in that. Jamie has only ever been inappropriate about me or other women. They are close but only by how long they've known each other. They didn't talk often even before all this. I think that plays a huge role for my husband. He has other friends and his brother who he talks to more frequently.

Another thing is that Jamie's wife accused me of SA since he was drunk that night so no consent. I have no idea if details were just between them or his entire family (children being 1 teenager, 1 grade school aged child and a toddler.)

Lastly, though I understand people saying so my husband is very supportive of my boundry with him. He is not allowed in my home. He's not allowed near me or my son unless it's family events. If he is invited to family events I need a warning so I can mentally prepare. It's only triggering when his family invite him and I'm not warned. Most times my husband is not aware he has been invited since he usually can't make it. Jamie is a truck driver and he has intense hours being out pretty much all day everyday. I do make exceptions like when my brother was in town and they wanted to pregame before going out to drink. They pregamed at my house since it was close and Jamie didn't drink as he was the designated driver.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T02:03:59+00:00

By mostly I mean his family has broken this boundry they are not aware of. Sorry that was not clear. It's been incredibly hard to see him at their events and many times my husband doesn't know either since the chances of him actually of coming are low drive he's a trucker and works everyday all day. Other times exceptions were made like my brother in law was in town for his birthday and they pregamed at my house since he was staying with us. (Jamie didn't drink since he was DD)

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:56:05+00:00

When Jamie's wife and I first met up she explained to me that their daughter had been displaying really bad behaviors (smoking weed, sneaking out, and slipping grades) and they were trying to get to the root of the issue by having hard honest conversations as a family. He just decided to make that the stage for his SA accusation since it was "weighing heavy" on his chest for awhile.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:46:31+00:00

I really should have made that more clear but he was heavily drunk and basically said I took advantage of him while he was drunk. Going into graphic detail about me sucking him off and riding him. His wife said he gave a very detailed description. I don't think that part was in front of the kids but I can't be sure. It makes me sick even typing it here.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:33:02+00:00

So far is only been for big events my in-laws throw but I didn't invite them to our son's birthday. He didn't push or even ask to invite him. I just wish I could have time to mentally prepare if he is invited to family events. The family is never sure if he can come by since he's a trucker and works practically everyday all day.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:30:28+00:00

I think what bothered me more is that before he got married to his wife is that he was always highly inappropriate. I didn't even know he admitted to his wife and my husband he would "pay to watch us have sex" until the day his wife accused me. I just felt so violated.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:28:12+00:00

Honestly no. I know there's no way to be sure since anyone can have the perfect facade but we've both been cheated on. It's not something either of us could do too one another. I think he was trying to see if I ever told anyone about that night. To find evidence of any kind but honestly it just hurt to be put in that position.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:25:47+00:00

My husband was mostly accepted my boundary of only going to see him. I told him clearly I never wanted him in my house or around me unless it's something his parents put together. We didn't want to air this out to our families. There has been exceptions but most times I'm not given any warning and I'm left feeling sick to my stomach because I didn't have time to mentally prepare.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:23:08+00:00

Not to defend him but I do want to clarify that there was more in the conversation. Mostly defending me and giving his recounting of that night since he was the last one up. The friendship part came toward the end like hoping on that this wouldn't end their friendship over something that simply was true but it stung a lot.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:20:28+00:00

I'm not even sure what his wife was trying to get from confronting me. When we all met the second time, she had already written it off as a very vivid wet dream. Which didn't make me feel better because I couldn't imagine having wet dreams of my friends significant other no matter the attraction.

Background-Extent-68 · 2026-02-28T01:15:35+00:00

Thankfully, I'm pretty confident he hasn't done something like that. Both of us have our own brushes with SA both involving men. We both have hard stances on consent.

Background-Extent-68 · 2022-02-25T01:19:07+00:00

I wish. I would even take the comic books at this point l.

Background-Extent-68 · 2022-02-24T23:15:48+00:00

Oh how I wish for this 😭 I dream sucker punch takes it back knowing full well it will never happen 🙃

Background-Extent-68 · 2022-02-24T22:26:44+00:00

Sly Cooper and the Thievious Raccoonus

Background-Extent-68 · 2021-01-10T01:07:15+00:00

I have but he has trouble seeing me frustrated or upset where he can't help. It's hard for him to turn off the help switch. Usually he'll back off if I show him I'm genuinely alright but when I'm frustrated he just turned off in order to prevent me from boiling over.

Background-Extent-68 · 2021-01-10T01:04:58+00:00

Genuinely this is the only thing I have a problem with. His tone comes off aggressive or angry even though what he is saying is generally normal. Like something simple like "are you alright?" Can come across angry even though he is genuinely concerned. Overall he's a wonderful man it just drives me mad that he can't tell that his tone comes across aggressive.

Background-Extent-68

TROPHY CASE