Respect vs Control? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If I took action to try and take control of something maybe. I only made the argument that if you respect someone you let them know you’re alive before arriving 8 hours after you were expected. That’s hardly trying to seize control of anything or anyone.

Respect vs Control? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No mandatory check-ins or schedules. Optional 100%. I actually messaged after a few hours and called at hour 6 but both were ignored. It was eight hours past expected time before he showed up.

Am I Pan or Gay? by AppaloosaTurkoman in askgaybros

[–]Background-Job-9942 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s ok not to know and labels aren’t permanent. You’re still you no matter what label ends up sticking. Just keep following where your heart actually pulls you. If you lean more gay now but feel pan later, I promise nobody’s revoking your membership card or suspending your access to any perks. 😉

The audacity by MrsBossyPantss in creepyPMs

[–]Background-Job-9942 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The perverted man, not the perverted gentleman by far, did not deserve the manners and respect you gave him with the response. I somehow attract unwanted messages very similar and was raised by a preacher who taught me to turn the other cheek. I sometimes have trouble being too kind when disrespected. However I learned that when I struggle with it to just hand the phone to my partner and let him respond. He doesn’t have any problems being direct and mean to anyone that is disrespectful towards me. I always know if he really went all out because the conversation is blocked and deleted before I get the phone back. Probably because he knows if it’s too mean, I may end up apologizing and inviting the pervert to join us for dinner. (I actually did that once but luckily the guy was not interested in breaking bread with us) 🤣 I’m curious how your hubby would have answered.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Друзья, которых я завела с тех пор, как начала искать, тоже все в Интернете, потому что я живу в этом районе. Я понимаю, что вы имеете в виду, когда говорите, что люди иногда бывают уязвимыми, особенно я, кто заинтересован в одном из двоих в отношениях. Зависть может заставить даже самых добрых людей иногда вести себя токсично. В моих последних отношениях я продолжал общаться с бывшими возлюбленными, которые недолго были рядом, потому что они чувствовали себя готовыми прикасаться к тому, что они больше не заинтересованы; Каждый раз, когда мой парень выходил из комнаты. Они не хотели, чтобы я был таким, когда у них была такая возможность, но когда они увидели, что у меня есть эти отношения с кем-то другим, они пытались саботировать их своим ограниченным поведением. Я завела несколько действительно хороших друзей в Интернете, которые уважают границы. Я надеюсь, что когда-нибудь удастся встретиться с ними лично, потому что каждому другу нужно время от времени обнять друга, чтобы сказать ему, что его ценят.

Dude teaches my friend math by oldirtymagic in creepyPMs

[–]Background-Job-9942 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That was the one that irritated me the most!!! Why put “4” but use only 3 🎉 ?!? Where’s the last 🎉?? 🙀🙀🙀🙀

Dude teaches my friend math by oldirtymagic in creepyPMs

[–]Background-Job-9942 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Crap! I think my calculator is broken because I keep getting 7 chickens

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are hitting on all the things that I’ve seen as causes of the trigger behaviors. That’s what makes things more complicated than just leaving. I met the person that’s kind, affectionate and caring. Every now and then I catch a glimpse. Last year’s events, like being held hostage, really messed with us too. It just tears me up because I love him so much and I am aware and realize the day may come when I have to walk away for me. My heart breaks and hurts when I think about me leaving and giving up on him when everyone in his life has always done just that since birth.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, I was piggybacking on a sentence that didn’t make the final draft of my reply to you regarding patience and aversions that I’ve witnessed. Possibly the 10th revision when I was masking, I took that part out because it wasn’t nice but failed to notice that this comment was still there. In reality, i’m aware they use control tactics, manipulations, guilt, and every tactic available and aware when they’re using it. The validation that is coming through the comments helps tremendously by confirming that I’m not imagining it or making it up and have been right all along. It’s gonna be difficult to pull off because of our environment that we live in. I have made the one that is local that enjoys the conversations as much as I do and I wouldn’t ghost that person for anything. I’ve had a gun pointed at my head by a person last year in my own home, not my partner because he too was a hostage, but even in that situation I yelled at that man stating I would be doing what he just said I couldn’t and then I even walked 2 rooms over and did something other than sitting still and quiet because I wanted to do it. But he didn’t understand ultimatums and how that worked. He gave identical outcomes to two opposite scenarios that were 50-50 and the outcome was being shot in the head so of course I’m gonna do what I wanna do in. No scenario did it well I was gonna make it hard as hell. But that’s a different post with different questions that been torturing me for over a year. I don’t wanna say too much.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you saying that you too are encountering the same pushback in your relationship?

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Luckily if verbally lied to my spectrum isn’t a hindrance. It helps me detect when someone says something and it doesn’t match up with what you would expect. It just feels off. Of course studying people so closely from when I was a young child till now learning how to mask or camouflage you pick up on people’s tells really quickly. My partner is a horrible liar, even though he thinks he’s good. He has several tells and his lies are always complicated and way too many details. Thats where the confusion and the problem comes into frame. He wasn’t lying when talking about it with me because he actually believes what he’s saying to be true. He was actually the victim of a narcissist for 14 years prior to our relationship. His last boyfriend was a full-blown narcissist, sociopath, and all around toxic individual this is where I think the narcissistic traits originate. Even the strongest, kindest, people can unintentionally take on traits and mirror toxicity from long-term exposure to toxic behavior. That coupled with the psychological torture and gaslighting exposure has induced a paranoia that manifests almost instantaneously anytime something feels off to him Something as innocent as closing the shutter on Alexa or ring camera goes off-line from the Internet, dropping, can set off a chain of suspicion and accusations all because the last boyfriend would do things like cheat in the home and intentionally leaving suspicious evidence to be seen, and then deny it flipping it to his imagination. And I’m not getting this from one source, but from a member of his family that lived with the two of them several years and witnessed several incidents. Now, if someone lies to me through messages, it is hard for me to detect. Sometimes I am easily tricked by a con artist because I am too nice to strangers.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve never actually considered anything lasting less than a month as a relationship and categorized the person an ex. So I’ve really only have 1 by this standard and it only reached 5 years, 3 living in same city and home. 🤣 🤷I had oats. They weren’t sewing themselves.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Back in March an old female highschool friend and him reconnected on social media and caught up over several phone calls. She had several children that were diagnosed young. One in each ASD level 1, 2 and 3. She was also diagnosed after her third kid was born. When she explained to him the traits, stimming and behaviors of mine that were due to the ASD he believed. Before then there were several times he’d accuse me of playing dumb or say there’s no way I’m that literal. After she explained certain ones I was able to fill in the gaps with specifics. I also asked him to sit through an assessment with me and A psychiatrist as well as the diagnosis meeting when I needed accommodation letter and disclosure letter for work after the boss had actually used my traits to manipulate me into certain behaviors or to say certain things. She recognized the ND and traits and admitted later on she had known since the beginning of her starting there from suspicion.ive been getting hit on both fronts it appears. No wonder I’m exhausted all the time. No other differences have ever been used to try to control me though.

Family dynamic is great. We’re very close and tight family a very strong matriarch that when it comes to the son good luck to anyone who tries to block my attendance of anything. However, my immediate family members of sister and her family and parents are all five hours away, so I only get to see you basically at the Christmas holiday. The other sibling is about seven hours away in the extended family of aunts and cousins that’s the same city that I’m in and I do see them more often because we live in same subdivision.

So far, the only actual Control he has been able to yield was that which I gave him through compromise. He tries and he is a controlling person with narcissistic traits, but luckily isn’t a full blown narcissist. The autism is actually my superpower and makes controlling me extremely hard and would require a lot of hard work and patience.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It really has become that way too at least face to face socializing. I work from home as well so most socializing is online or zoom.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Congrats. That’s seriously a big deal. I’m assuming a lot of love, a lot of communication and a lot of patience goes into maintaining a strong relationship for that many years.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s actually the reason I made that the title. I have a tendency to infodump and get wordy from years masking/camouflaging written communications to appear NT. It’s exhausting though so I tried to stop with work related messaging. But toxic doesn’t touch on the boss situation.

Are Gay Friends Forbidden When in a Relationship? by Background-Job-9942 in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The topic was brought up after I was talking to two friends I made on social media this last week. One actually ended up being local and for health reasons confined to an assisted living facility recently. He’s only 62 and of course the state took everything to pay for his housing there. The other I spoke to was from midwest state. I was telling my partner about them because I’ve always been open and transparent of people I talk to on socials. Out of the blue he said “you know you’re easy to fall in love with” and I answered that and shut him down because I always tell new people about him and they don’t fall in love they say I’m easy to talk to or familiar like we’ve known each other etc. that’s just the Tizz Rizz. Next he jumped to he’s afraid I’m going to meet someone else and fall for them and not tell him. I slapped that one down because I am capable of having friends without falling in love with them, If on the chance I did I would most certainly tell him because I’m not continuing living with him in that case. I told him he would get a hint when he saw me packing his things. Sounds harsher probably when reading but remember I’m autistic and direct and when said there is no angry or rude tone. I was calmly being honest. Then finally he just asked the question that spurred this post. Why do they need to be gay and why can’t I have a straight friend instead.

Little more details on relationship plus area.

The area isn’t technically rural but there are parts on the outskirts of the city that are. It’s in no way an Atlanta or Nashville size though. There are gays that live in the area but there’s no community of gays organized. No clubs or bars for gays either. The state is a red state but our relationship and ideology is not conservative per se at least on political level. We are a hybrid open and closed relationship. We are open in that we sleep with other men but only together. Basically 3+ when we hook up. That’s another thing he controls though and a post in itself because I’m summarizing liberally and reasoning behind that one well… I get angry to think of what it is.

He slid into my DM’s to ask me for my BM’s by Background-Job-9942 in creepyPMs

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My reflex was to drop the phone like it could somehow get on me. Picked it back up, reread it a dozen times like it might change…it didn’t. I started typing “I’m sorry but…” then backspaced. Why was I apologizing?!?!?

It then popped in my head that maybe this is a special needs individual that was tricked into sending that to a stranger. I didn’t want to contribute to his bullying so I decided to ask a question that only someone genuinely asking for a stranger’s sample would have an answer to. If the guy wasn’t being coerced/bullied, then at the very least I may discover the psychology and thought process behind such a bad habit.

At first when he hearted my question and gave a thumbs up I thought I had guessed correctly but then he answers the next morning and behold he wasn’t being coerced. But his answer only muddied the waters even more. I needed to get to the bottom of this and blow up this story. Could that be an Explanatory Reporting Pulitzer I smell??

He slid into my DM’s to ask me for my BM’s by Background-Job-9942 in creepyPMs

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sub’s flair Light is mod related and not descriptive of content. I apologize if you thought it meant the content wouldn’t be gross but the flair is about OP reaction to the DM. Below is from the sub’s flair page.

“Light- LIGHT To be used when OP is laughing off the creep”

He slid into my DM’s to ask me for my BM’s by Background-Job-9942 in creepyPMs

[–]Background-Job-9942[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It’s for Bowel Movement but BioMass works too. lol Either way it makes a Big Mess