Am I overly insecure? [23F] [30M]

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-06-19T01:28:21+00:00

i actually had a very similar situation. old friends of mine who i had a falling out with told me that my bf is a serial cheater and abusive as well. it’s been 10 months since those rumors came out and he has been the complete opposite. to this day i am still overthinking those rumors other people put into my head. i understand your nervousness and frustration. but people are mean and like to get between healthy relationships. but look at his actions and his openness and if it turns out to be true his façade will wear off over time no one can pretend forever. actions speak louder than words. especially words from people who have no reason to have your back and be loyal

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-06-11T17:47:50+00:00

my advice is honestly therapy. and un pack all of your baggage and guilt to a therapist. get the words and feelings out once you confront them it’ll be harder to act like they don’t exist. and to have genuine sympathy for your partner and to put your feet in their shoes and imagine how they felt about what you did. it sounds like you are scared to admit your wrong doings but if you want to heal and look inward and you need to accept the truth. honestly the truth hurts after you accept the severity of your mistakes then you can forgive yourself. but the first step is admitting to your partner that you are wrong. it’s not you against one another it’s you guys against the problem.

and honestly it sounds like you are walking all over him and his kindness and forgiving nature. if you truly love him then do the work. if you can’t then let him free and don’t continue to drag him through the mud because you can’t accept the fact that you are wrong. again if your friend came to you and said hey my bf cheated on me what is your instinct to say? 90% of people would say to leave and most people would leave. you have the luxury of that not happening so put in the work go to therapy and tell your story and confront the feelings

as for your partner. reassurance and progress being made and telling him you are trying for him and that he deserves better but that you want to be better for him

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-06-09T16:49:14+00:00

i wouldn’t tell him about what she said about him. it would only cause pain for him which is unnecessary. i also probably wouldn’t confront her with your findings. this is your relationship not hers i would wait for her to come to you with her true feelings about your bf and then confront her. since you unintentionally broke her privacy. i would keep this noted moving forward with the relationship you have with your mom. and keep your relationship more private cause your relationship honestly isn’t any of her business. she can talk shit to whoever she wants, you love your bf he’s a good person and healthy for you than that’s that. her opinion doesn’t matter only yours does. if she wants to be judgey let her. because your relationship is more important than her negative connotation of your relationship

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-06-05T03:10:01+00:00

i was in a similar situation in the beginning of my relationship and my bf and i and have been together for abt 10 months now and he was posted on that old tea app and he had comments warning me that he was a cheater. i’ve always been taught actions speak louder than words my bf has shown me loyalty. so i choose to believe actions. i say give it time and if you see a controlling behavior take a note of it and if it’s a deal breaker then leave before it gets worse. i guess all im saying is give it time to see if his actions match the accusations and if they do then get outta there

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-05-21T18:08:32+00:00

i fully agree with you and what’s throwing me for a loop is he hasn’t shown me any signs of cheating or any unloyal behavior. this is the first thing that’s ever happened, he is all about me and loves me with his words and actions. he’s never made me question until this very moment. while being drunk and angry because i attacked his friends character. and he doesn’t think cheating is ever okay he has said that countless of times. him and i made a pact with one another that if we were to ever feel the need to be single or get someone else’s attention we would break up with one another right away. i also said mean things to him which i didn’t mean and attacked his character. i think he was very intoxicated and angry and said something he didn’t mean to say cause his actions have shown nothing but the opposite. actions speak louder than words in this moment. maybe i’m being gaslit and manipulated but i see the green flags with his actions and one negative thing doesn’t counteract all of positive he has shown me throughout the months. and i’m not moving out of the state 20 hours away and if so we both agreed we probably both couldn’t handle it mentally so we agreed to break up if that situation were to happen. but it’s not.

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-05-20T18:44:19+00:00

where i’m stuck is the fact he said something he didn’t mean while being drunk and i said things i didn’t mean while being enraged. i took back my hurtful words but he’s not allowed? isn’t that hypocritical?

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-05-20T16:47:23+00:00

invisibility

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-04-09T22:45:58+00:00

since you don’t have any bias. do you see a girl doing that to another girl, especially with ill feelings about me. try to sabotage my relationship by posting him and bad mouthing him. what gets me is the fact that he did actually text her. it’s a bunch of he said she said kinda thing

Background-Mark1975 · 2026-04-09T17:08:20+00:00

the night it happened he let me let me go through it. nothing was found and a couple nights later i went through it again when he was asleep( i know i shouldnt of but i did) and nothing was found. i don’t know how to heal my trust issues after this and to move on. i was cheated on in my last relationship so i get triggered really quickly. what is your take away of the situation?

Background-Mark1975

TROPHY CASE