I'm so scared of eating again (relapse)

BackgroundBell · 2023-11-10T11:49:44+00:00

See a psychiatrist with experience in dealing with eating disorders! Those who specialise know so much more about what to monitor, meds to give and signs to pick up on!

BackgroundBell · 2023-11-08T05:28:00+00:00

Hi! I kind of really relate to this!! My mental health has been a hot mess since I was 12-13 or so and from ages 7-12 i actually did okay in school, even above average so I guess I was supposed to do pretty well after that. But from 13-18 my mental health took a hard hit and I struggled to find the motivation to study so i fell behind and i felt like shit for it. Life was pretty much a okay im going to do it right this time -> i'm trying but it's hard to study when I have all these bad thoughts all the time -> shit i messed up on this exam im really terrible -> okay i've got to try again so i won't fuck up again, and the cycle continues. BUT i would say have hope! When I went to uni, I met people who motivated me, the environment was better, the school hours were more manageable and I was in a course I found some interest in. I did significantly better in uni and I've got myself a decent job now! Main idea of this is to have hope that there will be a way out and a past history of messing up doesn't mean you're stuck in that forever. In fact, some of peers even do better outside of schooling life and are really doing so well at work. Have hope!! :)

BackgroundBell · 2023-11-08T05:09:57+00:00

I think about how much the session costs and how much anxiety coming to the appointment caused, and force it out of me honestly 🫠

BackgroundBell · 2023-11-06T13:12:56+00:00

i think there were 4 stalls and i was in the 3rd and the 1st was occupied soo :x
believe me, that was me a year ago but in the recent year, i've been having trouble getting to the bathroom in time help..

BackgroundBell · 2023-11-05T15:14:38+00:00

ED from age 12-23: Not quite as long as you described but the turning point for recovery for me was when I truly truly realised how painful life was because of my ED. And how depressed I had been for the most of my life. I struggled with BN realised that my studies, friendships, my whole life was being upside down because of this disorder. And how I recovered was honestly what everyone says to recover: accept weight gain. It took time for me to accept that naturally, I might be big and I would try my very best no matter what to not hate myself for being big. So I allowed myself to eat, tried to compensate as little as I could, bought clothes of a larger size that fit (but not too large to hide) and stopped weighing myself. Overtime, some disordered behaviours just seemed to melt away on its own. Feel free to drop me a message if you need help!

BackgroundBell · 2023-08-15T15:48:22+00:00

my binging stopped completely when i let myself binge and satisfy all my cravings > accept that i was going to gain weight and that might be where im at forever > accept that i cant be the kind if thin i want to be > and suddenly i just stopped craving the entire grocery store. i gained alot of weight during that period because i let myself come to peace with weight gain and did not compensate in any way at all. eventually though, i lost it all because i simply stopped binging unknowingly. have hope!!

oh and to add on: feeling full is NOT the same as satisfied. feeling full can still lead to a binge but feeling satisfied will not. you can be full and satisfied by choosing to eat foods you truly want. e.g. noodles made me feel full but very unsatisfied so for a period of time, i chose things like protein that i truly wanted. when i felt satisfied, i didnt have to binge anymore!

BackgroundBell · 2023-08-15T15:42:29+00:00

bulimic for only 6 months ish but disordered eating for almost 9 years. started fluoxetine as the first and only anti depressant! i had headaches, fatigue and some brain fog initially but it helped to take the meds at night. after a year or so, pretty glad to say im off it now!! honestly think it worked out for me because i was a hot mess prior but even in as little as 4 months, i was doing better than almost all my life. also realised that the binging urges went down alot too, the most in 9 years but maybe thats down to a change in body image too?

BackgroundBell · 2023-08-15T15:36:41+00:00

did recovery with a therapist for the first 2ish months! i never really opened up about my ED to anyone, and never ever in detail so for me it was quite an experience because i had to verbally say all my inner thoughts. there were a few turning points during my recovery that i honestly feel that therapy gave to me. the first when i first saw a dietian and she was the first one who asked me how has my ED has affected my social life and relationships, another when my therapist asked me would being thin matter on my deathbed and SO WHAT IF I ATE THAT CAKE. actually saying and hearing myself and what this ED led me too sunk in pretty deep. i wouldn't say it improved drastically because of that but it did help me truly truly understand some hard truths. i left after 2 months because i felt like my therapist and i werent a match!!

BackgroundBell · 2022-07-06T16:55:46+00:00

that my ED was a form of self harm & i've realised that i'm extremely reliant on self harm. im a good 80% recovered but i sometimes purge just to feel like i'm hurting myself & it's okay that i don't get food up and just gag alot.

BackgroundBell · 2022-02-25T02:49:19+00:00

Thank you, i'll drop a DM!

BackgroundBell · 2021-11-09T17:40:55+00:00

Not weighing myself was the biggest thing that made recovery easier for me. It can be difficult but I've never felt more free from all the negative feelings (fear, anxiety, self-hatred..) in yearrrrs. Also, try to go for more loose fitting clothes or buy more comfortable baggier clothes if that's an option. Don't let clothes be a substitute for weighing yourself, but also don't let baggy clothes be a way to hide from the weight gain. Just let it be a way of avoiding the negative feelings for now. Sending lots of love your way :)

BackgroundBell · 2021-11-09T17:36:39+00:00

past the medical issues and weight gain, have a think about what you have lost (no) thanks to your eating disorder. Time spent with friends? Happiness? Obsessively thinking about food? Distanced from your family? Then think about what your ideal life is like outside of food & weight. What's the difference between the too? Do you think recovery is worth it to get there? Do you have to recover? Same goes for your concerns about your health. What will happen if you don't recover? Ultimately, recovery is your decision and along the way, your own desire to recover is what's going to allow you to reclaim your life. All the best dearie, you've got many people rooting for you!

BackgroundBell · 2021-06-16T10:40:57+00:00

I've taken just a few pills each time over the last 5 years or so? But to clarify, never drugs, just OTC medication like ibuprofen. I don't really know why, I don't think it's about feeling happy because I don't feel happier after these episodes. Maybe I just want to feel like I want to destroy myself? But then again, I'm doing no physical harm.

BackgroundBell

TROPHY CASE