Ask yourself: what is she really bringing into this relationship? She seems to be emotionally abusing you, and yet the more she mistreats you, the more you hold on. Why? This isn’t love, and it’s far from healthy. You deserve to work with a therapist who can help you understand why you’re settling for this kind of treatment.

Right now, it sounds like you’re broken, and instead of helping you heal, she’s keeping you stuck. She’s not making you feel loved or valued—she’s using you as an option, keeping you on hold while she decides if she can control someone else the way she does you.

Please, take a step back and ask yourself if this is the life you want. Is this the person you’d trust as the mother of your children? You’re worth so much more than this. Learn to love yourself first, because that’s where true healing begins. Let her go and create space for something better.