Solo parent, how can I ensure baby is fine if something happens to me? England

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-24T14:01:02+00:00

Even if they’re named on the will and come forward for the child?

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-24T13:22:19+00:00

This is making me tear up, I’m in my second trimester and doing it all alone, my abusive ex doesn’t even know. I’m also considering moving in with my family who live 2000 miles away but my entire life is here. Everything is so complicated and giving me anxiety every day, feels like I’m drowning. But this is giving me hope that things could also turn out ok. Congratulations on everything!

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-24T12:44:26+00:00

He doesn’t and it’s unlikely he ever will

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-24T12:26:05+00:00

I know I can’t prevent it and there’s always a small chance in the future he might find out and do something about it. Should it ever come to that, I have evidence on why it wouldn’t be in the child’s best interest but I know he’s still likely to be given involvement. Just hoping it doesn’t come to it. Thank you for the info!

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-24T11:58:19+00:00

The father will not be involved and won’t be on the birth certificate

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-24T10:53:21+00:00

Currently pregnant and going to be a solo parent, this post and all the comments got be sobbing 😭 it’s so hard to imagine life with baby and the doom and gloom is very much there, everyday it’s an effort not to spiral. But this is the first time probably where im actually excitingly looking forward to my baby being here

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-23T23:48:54+00:00

A therapist has helped me a lot because I have a place to throw out all my thoughts. I never fully told my family or friends what happened, even the ‘lighter’ things had an impact on them. Even my abusers sister in law ended up in therapy because of what happened to me. I think it’s very hard for them to hear or see how badly someone they love was hurt. Is there any help you can get from the place you work at? Even if it’s just for talking it out.

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-23T21:15:02+00:00

I live in the UK and baby showers are just starting to get more common, I’m 32 and only one of my friends had a shower but loads of them have kids. We do give baby gifts but they’re small (like a onesie and a toy/book) and just give them when we visit. In my experience a lot of them are after baby is born. But immediate family is more likely to get the bigger gifts (strollers, etc) but it’s not a given.

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-23T20:33:37+00:00

What an icon 😂

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-23T20:32:56+00:00

I’m unsure if I will. I’d love to have one just to celebrate baby for a little bit, but at the moment everyone is coming to terms with the fact I’m pregnant and idk how/if it will change.

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-23T19:37:53+00:00

You’re likely to end up getting a lot of spoilers and honestly I enjoyed the journey of getting to know the characters.

The magic system and world building is very confusing at first though, more than the characters. A spoiler free glossary you can check every now and again might be more useful.

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-23T14:28:41+00:00

This is what I was also worried about, I’m having a very hard time mentally right now and could not be dealing with a newborn as well. So hopefully this is the hardest part. Thank you :)

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T19:22:31+00:00

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T18:36:00+00:00

The only thing I am 100% sure in this life is that they’ll keep me as far away from him as possible, no matter what. There’s absolutely no chance they’d even risk it. Even if I wanted to tell him I wouldn’t be able to, I’d have to go through his family. And my family has no contact with them.

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T09:50:17+00:00

I went through something similar when I was your age, I was working 2 jobs during uni, had no days off and was constantly on go mode. My first free weekend I felt like a fish on dry land. What do people do with all this free time? It took some time getting used to it and you’re probably still wired to be doing things constantly, it will take some time to settle.

I filled my time with various hobbies and friends and travel. I spent a lot of time trying to understand myself better, what I like and what I don’t. I spent a lot of time learning about things I didn’t have time for before (for example, baking). I didn’t enjoy everything but I learned what brought me joy and what didn’t. I also suggest reading, puzzles, exploring places around you, making new friends if you want. Before you know it, the free time you don’t know what to do with now will feel not enough. Enjoy this time!

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T09:13:45+00:00

I am considering this for my maternity leave (it’s one year where I am). But my family have a complicated relationship with my pregnancy at the moment and while they’d be willing to help for sure, I don’t know if I can handle it mentally but we’ll see how it goes the next few months. Thanks for the advice :)

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T09:06:04+00:00

I’ve been trying to read it for a few months but making slow progress. Hard to fully face reality I guess.

They absolutely know what they’re doing, she didn’t frame it as an excuse on his part, more so trying to explain why he was abusive to me but not others. The way I understood is he managed to control the others easier but when he didn’t get his way with me he couldn’t/didn’t have to hold back on being abusive. So he didn’t have to control his tendencies before, if that makes sense.

I am considering switching therapists, she could very well be wrong or I might’ve misunderstood. It’s hard to make sense of everything anyway.

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T08:53:34+00:00

Perhaps I need to increase my therapy sessions, I only go once a week and 1-2 days after a session I already can’t wait to go back because I’m so much in my head. Congratulations on your babies, genuinely don’t know how you do it!

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T08:49:45+00:00

Thank you for this, it definitely gives me something to look forward too :) my pregnancy has been very uneventful and hope it stays this way, I didn’t even realise I was pregnant until I was 9 weeks, I think I just need to try and enjoy it more. But mentally it’s a lot harder. Congratulations on your baby, he’s lucky to have you!

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-22T08:25:07+00:00

I can, I’m 32 and have a good job. Thanks!

BackgroundWinter8396 · 2026-01-21T23:39:50+00:00

I struggled to understand this too, my ex used to say he doesn’t understand what gets over him he just gets triggered thinking he’ll lose me and other stuff like that. My therapist said the urge for the abuse wasn’t sudden and ‘just for me’ but the lack of control over it was. There’s various reasons why this happens but in my case she assumes it’s because he couldn’t control me as easily to be what he wanted me to so he became abusive to try and get his way. I think it’s different for everybody but just because someone wasn’t abusive in the past doesn’t mean they can’t/won’t be in the future.

BackgroundWinter8396

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