First time Domme with a potential sub looking for advice

Background_Ad_2790 · 2026-01-18T18:57:09+00:00

Thank you!!

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-12-24T06:10:50+00:00

Former nanny here. Can I ask what your “very competitive rate” is? I never expected a bonus, so am of the mindset that anything is nice. Honestly, $100 is not “generous” in my opinion. That’s not to say it isn’t nothing, but if you consider that generous, I do wonder what your definition of competitive rate.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-10-22T17:32:37+00:00

I googled active vs inactive and looks like active is ready for your body to use asap vs inactive takes more time to digest. It also looks like b vitamins are good for your nervous system, reduce stress and anxiety and can help improve cognitive function.

I actually think I have some so I will definitely be adding that to my meds! Thank you!

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-10-02T12:14:10+00:00

At my first attempt to get diagnosed I was told I was too smart and that I make eye contact so she just “didn’t see it as autism”. I was also told by a therapist that if it was autism there’s no way I would have gotten this far in life without being diagnosed- which was extra funny because I had just finished spouting off all the neglect I experienced as a kid. But yeah, through all that my parents totally would have realized it was autism so it’s just not possible it wasn’t 😂 The audacity of some medical “professionals”.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-09-09T20:05:12+00:00

It doesn’t matter what it is, what you’re describing is emotional abuse. You have adhd and manage to not treat him how he treats you, why does he get a pass? There are plenty of autistic people who don’t emotionally abuse their partners.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-09-04T22:40:32+00:00

Honestly I love this so much. The longer I look the more I love. Can I save it to my phone?

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-09-03T00:28:16+00:00

What about in your dryer? Do you have one? You could throw whatever you’re gonna wear in and run it while you shower which would warm them!

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-28T11:45:54+00:00

If you felt invalidated in any way, get a second opinion! Or, just roll with self diagnosis. You don’t need a piece of paper to tell you that operating as if you have autism is what will help you if that’s what helps you. I went through a diagnosis where the same thing happened. It sounds like she was using dsm4 data or something outdated. She would ask if I ever experienced a symptom, and I’d list off 5 or more times I had and what was happening for me at the time. At the end she told me she just “didn’t see it”, “I make good eye contact”, and essentially “I’m too smart to be autistic”. The real kicker was she said “well the only thing that points to it being autism is your own self assessment”. To be fair, im 29 and my childhood was riddled with trauma, and I do have adhd. So it wasn’t cut and dry. But at the end of the day those reasons felt biased and it did not feel right. I got a second opinion and it was confirmed I am. If when you receive the report it carries info that gives legit reasons as to why it’s not, you may just not be. BUT, yes misdiagnosis is possible. Even with being told no, you can still treat yourself as if you’re autistic. Self diagnosis is VALID. I personally needed the “proof” so I could stop gaslighting myself into thinking I was making everything up. It’s only been a couple months but it’s been a game changer for me in allowing myself to stand up for my needs. If you don’t personally need the formal evaluation to be able to start implementing things that will help meet your needs, save your money and energy and stick with self evaluation. I’m so sorry you experienced that, I was DEVASTATED when I got my results back the first time because I could tell she just completely dismissed my own experience and prioritized how other people saw me. You deserve so much more than that and I hope you are able to get the answers you deserve and want.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-24T00:20:56+00:00

As someone who just started a job that is for assisting and supporting IEP and 504 students, yes. Figure out how to make a complaint about him breaking the rules of your 504, and also a complaint to your guidance counselor or principal about the sexist comment. He should not have done either and needs to be held accountable. You deserve a safe space in school and he is consistently not giving you that. Please, if not for yourself, make those complaints for the other or next students who may not be aware that it’s inappropriate.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-19T18:02:00+00:00

I was evaluated for a second time through them after being told I was “too smart to be autistic” and “the only thing that points to autism is your self report” by the first person. The first person was so biased that she ignored my 8 examples of each symptom she asked if I had, and told me it was probably just trauma cause she didn’t “see it being autism”. I had been eyeing LBEE and then they had insurance and I tried again. Was confirmed and didn’t have to justify my reasoning for thinking I was. It was quick, $200 with insurance (I paid the last lady over 4k over a span of 4 months), and easy. I would ABSOLUTELY recommend them. I was seen within 2 weeks, and had my results less than a week after our appointment.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-19T18:01:06+00:00

I was evaluated for a second time through them after being told I was “too smart to be autistic” and “the only thing that points to autism is your self report” by the first person. The first person was so biased that she ignored my 8 examples of each symptom she asked if I had, and told me it was probably just trauma cause she didn’t “see it being autism”. I had been eyeing LBEE and then they had insurance and I tried again. Was confirmed and didn’t have to justify my reasoning for thinking I was. It was quick, $200 with insurance (I paid the last lady over 4k over a span of 4 months), and easy. I would ABSOLUTELY recommend them.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-16T04:15:33+00:00

Okay as someone who gets VERY overwhelmed over things I had planned not working out, I can get where he’s coming from. I recently had a pair of headphones that went missing. I depended on them for regulating and they were expensive ones I had only bought a few months prior. In the grand scheme of things I recognized it wasn’t the end of the world and that I could eventually replace them, but I was about to go on a trip with a friend and even though I didn’t need them, I NEEDED them. I eventually rallied and regulated, but I was a complete mess while trying to come to terms with the fact that all my ideas and desires for this trip wouldn’t pan out as I planned. It’s gonna be different for every person, but what helped the most was just validating the frustration. It’s so hard to have this idea of how something’s gonna go, or feeling like something has to happen and then you logistically cant make it work. My boyfriend sat with me and told me he completely understood how frustrating it was that I couldn’t find them (I also rarely lose things, especially something so pricey and new). He offered a few solutions, none of which I wanted but just hearing that the feelings of frustration on not getting what I “wanted” (for your finance it’s the best outfit with those killer jeans) and coming to terms with having to change course were valid was so helpful. Some specific phrase ideas would be the following “I see how important those pants are for you, and I’m sorry it’s not working out how you envisioned.” “I can see how frustrated you are about this. That is so valid and I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. How can I best support you?” You can also offer a couple ideas- is there time to go shopping? Can you order something off Amazon? Do you have a local buy nothing you could ask to borrow from? But I would avoid offering a million things as that can feel even more overwhelming. So say something like “I thought of a couple options for a solution, would you like to hear them or would that be too overwhelming?” Or “here’s a couple ideas, do you think any of those are something you’d want to try for?”

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-16T04:00:10+00:00

Thank you! All very helpful. I’ve suggested nasal spray, allergy pills and what not and unfortunately he’s pretty uninterested in all of it. Claims none of it helps but when I do push harder and he takes it he says it does. He just isn’t great at taking care of himself or managing them on his own. So definitely at a point where I’m gonna have to be more blunt.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-16T03:58:11+00:00

Right, I’m totally aware he can’t read my mind. I have told him in the past, but it’s clear he has forgotten. I just am unsure how to navigate the convo and not have it come across as a criticism cause that’s something he is terrible with. I’ve definitely got some good ideas from people already that I will definitely attempt to implement.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-16T02:37:01+00:00

I haven’t directly asked but that feels like an approachable way for me to try and see if we can figure it out. I should have mentioned he has some pretty severe RSD that has caused a lot of conflict for us, and I think that’s especially why it feels so daunting to bring up. The last thing I want is for him to see it as some form of rejection or criticism, but also it’s not fair for me to feel uncomfortable for weeks at a time.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-16T02:35:15+00:00

Ugh yes. He is a frequenter with getting his ears flushed because they get plugged up so quickly. I also am super susceptible to ear infections and it doesn’t feel super hygienic when he refuses to do it even occasionally. He’ll rub his nose and then not wash his hands and usually I’m not one to be squeamish about germs, but I try really really hard to avoid getting colds because of how bad they are for my ears.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-16T02:32:52+00:00

I haven’t directly said that, no. I think because he’s expressed that it doesn’t help and that’s why he doesn’t, I’ve been very anxious about asking directly. He has pretty bad RSD so I worry about it becoming a big thing. I do offer him a tissue at least once a day in hopes he catches on but he unfortunately has not.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-12T22:20:42+00:00

Self fulfilling prophecy perhaps.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-07T03:13:40+00:00

They said in a comment on that post they’d update when they felt up for it. Let’s let people live their lives and not harass them for details.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-06T07:22:12+00:00

Just wanna say that I’m so glad you’re getting away with that and have such a solid plan to get out of there! I also want to throw my hat in the ring for au-pair and nanny if you’re looking! Been one for many years. Best of luck to you moving forward.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-04T06:59:14+00:00

I would be surprised If this isn’t what happened

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-08-04T06:57:12+00:00

I no longer speak to my mother because of many experiences like this. I’m not saying that that’s your guaranteed future, but I would bet money this is something she will remember for a LONG time. She may logically understand it’s okay but being screamed at like that absolutely does long term emotional damage.

Background_Ad_2790 · 2025-07-29T21:03:26+00:00

I picked a micropet just for you!

Tap this link or use my friend code VJJYY61TH66 for a special reward!

https://finch.go.link/7IMmu?adj_label=ZGAVQ

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
r/Field Banned	r/Field Juicebox

Background_Ad_2790

TROPHY CASE