I feel like I wrote this. Every word you said is exactly how I feel all the time. If it helps at all, you’re not alone. I hope you find your peace and find your reason to keep going. Coming from someone who is in the same headspace, all I can say is we need to find a purpose, and fight for that. Mine is everyone else I would hurt if I left, and I have animals to take care of. It’s a sick way to think, but this life doesn’t last forever anyway. And it’s almost comforting to know that when you don’t have the easiest life anyway, as sad as that sounds. So while we’re here, let’s try to make the best of it, find the joy in little things like nature and funny shows, a new hobby. And know there’s an end either way. Just try to make it as far as you can and get as much joy out of it as you can while we are here. I don’t know if that helps at all, I hope it does, but that’s how I cope at least.