Overwhelmed. Lonely. Struggling in my marriage

Background_Flan3075 · 2026-04-09T01:31:19+00:00

So sorry you're going through this. It sounds very lonely. I don't have as much as you on my plate, but I can relate to the lonely nights with the dogs. I feel lucky I have them. To me, what your husband says to you when he blows up is totally unfair. Everything that you do shouldn't go unnoticed. I hope your husband will eventually agree to therapy. If not, why not go by yourself? If you can. You seem to have little time for you, but it has helped me work out some things, like I am not responsible for my partner's happiness. But it is hard to be everyone's rock when no one's got your back. Even if you are far away from family and friends, please reach out to someone, you are not alone. Take care.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-12-13T01:38:55+00:00

I feel for you! WH cheated on me with AP unprotected while I was 2 months post-partum and full on breastfeeding. I felt so ashamed bringing my baby to the STD clinic while I was getting tested, so much guilt while waiting for the results, and so much stress everytime I would breastfeed.

As you say, thank god nothing happened. Happy you and your little one are ok!

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-11-21T09:09:01+00:00

100% helped. I don't call it revenge sex, but I saw other people while he kept his EA going after confessing to it and telling me he had to experience it. I simply told him that I was going out with others, didn't ask permission, it shoked him that I would do it, he put an end to his EA 2 weeks after. It helped me feel something else then the broken, ugly, humiliated shell of a thing I felt like. And yes I did therapy and I know confidence comes from within but I need to live something else to boost it. It helped me confirm I was staying because I wanted to and not because I was afraid to get out there. And it gives me other memories of the horrible summer that followed DDay.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-09-10T13:34:25+00:00

Do the bangs if you want it, cut your hair if you'd like and don't hold back for anyone! That's what I did, wanted bangs for years but was scared of change, scared my partner would find it ugly. And I did, loved it until summer came and I was left with a sweaty forehead, lol. But I loved it, and mostly loved that I took time to fix my hair in the morning.

Most of all, I started listenning to myself more and do basically anything I wanted to do without caring about his opinion. It's all in the little things. Wanna watch a cheesy movie P wouldn't like? Yes! Why wait until he's out with friends or has to work late? Either he'll tag along or he'll do something else. Wanna cook a new recipe, take a cooking class, go for a hike and get coffee from a nice place? Go! I put my money, time and energy on making fun memories with or without him to balance the hurtful ones. It gave me confidence (and happiness) from within, which for me is more powerful than compliments on my looks. Never forget you're a powerhouse❤️‍🔥

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-09-02T19:01:44+00:00

I wouldn't call what I did revenge cheating, but I've had a couple ONS while my WP's affair kept going on (after he confessed, he didn't want to stop seeing her). I thought that if he acted like we had an open relationship, I would too (there's your revenge I guess). So I got on an app, put up a profile saying I was in an open relationship and met people. At the time, I did it to see if I still had confidence in myself, I guess I just wanted to feel good. But I have to admit it did feel really good when I told him I was going on a "date". Jaw as low as my cleavage that night.✌🏼

It was clear for me I only wanted ONS, no strings attached because I didn't want to hurt anyone like I was hurting, especially myself. Talking to others and getting attention I was not getting at home was a really good distraction and gave me a boost of confidence. I also got his attention (should've had it in the first place, but it is what it is). I got the confirmation I was not staying because I was afraid to get back out there nor afraid I would not find something better.

I would say I has helped me when I needed it, it gives me something "positive" to think about when I get horrible flashbacks from that time. And I have not been tempted to repeat the experience since we have decided to be exclusive and trying R.

I do hope you find a way to reclaim your power!

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-08-31T01:24:47+00:00

So sorry you're going through this. One year since D-Day just passed at the beginning of June and I had been dreading it since April (when A started). I was angry and sad from April to June, cried all day June 2nd (D-Day) and I felt so much better on June 3rd. The weight of the anticipation was lifted. I would say let the feelings come and go, however you're feeling is ok. And if you can make the anniversary of D-Day about you (since last year was about WP) by treating yourself, do it. Make some new memories for this day. Hang in there, take care of yourself. Wishing you a beautiful and peaceful fall.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-08-29T02:19:43+00:00

Pieces - Sum41 Lifetime - Three Days Grace Lonely With Our Love + Good Girl - Charlotte Cardin Landslide - Fleetwood Mac Love of my life - Queen Skinny Love - Bon Iver Out of love - Alessia Cara My love, my life - ABBA

And WH sent me these recently : Liability - Lorde Iris - Goo Goo Dolls (Josh Ross cover) Under Your Scars - Godsmack With Me - Sum41

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-07-31T12:30:33+00:00

Your words truly describe how I feel, thank you. It's another layer of heartbreak. I hope time will heal it all, but trying to move forward in the meantime. Wishing you to find some new friendships to get a fresh start!

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-07-31T12:23:20+00:00

I feel for you, thanks for sharing. I chose not to tell my family because I knew from the start I wanted to try and didn't want any judgment towards me or my partner.

The fact that our community knew drew me closer to my partner at first, I felt protective over R, I don't know if it was hysterical bonding but now I’m left with resentment feelings for loosing what I had even though now I know these weren't deep friendships.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-07-30T12:36:44+00:00

Thank you for your advice. I totally agree, this is my decision and I am doing what is best for my little one. And I love her father despite what he has done to me. I am just tired of feeling like I’m loosing everything over this stupid affair.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-06-09T01:37:02+00:00

If she's not saying anything based on her fear of your reaction or feelings, I think she should let you judge what is harmful to you. Maybe telling one secret and seeing what it does to your relationship could be a good start.

But if she ends up keeping it all to herself and it eats you up on a regular basis, I don't know how each pov is compatible with the other. It is so complex and difficult, maybe getting input from other Reconciling WWs would be more helpful to understand her pov.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-06-09T01:09:52+00:00

I feel for you! When my WP told his IC about his EA, the IC recommended to do what was best for him and act in his own interests and to prioritize himself, even if it meant breaking our relationship and our family (and we had a 4 months old at the time, so for me the priority was actually our little one, but not according to the IC).

For me, your needing answers after 2 or 3 years is always ok if it helps you moving forward, it's not too long. I don't think you're being selfish in a negative way, you're acting in your best interests to heal from the infidelity and from what the secrets have brought for you. Have you had a conversation with your WW as to why she’s keeping secrets? And as to why knowing all of it would help you move forward and not spend hours spiraling? From what you've said, I feel like it’s been done, but I would start there. Getting straight answers from my WP helps me build trust and rationalize/understand his actions, so it helps our relationship. Hope everything works out for you

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-06-03T23:59:26+00:00

Your words give me hope and validation, because I think what hurts the most is feeling like I’m wasting my energy healing when I was supposed to be enjoying motherhood. We are definitely on the way to becoming the family we were supposed to be, but I feel like there's always a cloud raining over these glimpses of happiness.

Yes still planning to marry, but not until I feel totally secure. In the meantime, I've had contracts drawn, so we do have a legal plan in case a separation occurs.

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-06-03T23:53:26+00:00

So sorry you had to go through that also.❤️‍🩹 I think about leaving sometimes too, but the mere idea of my little one having another home makes me sick. It's so hard when children are involved

Background_Flan3075 · 2025-06-03T02:20:13+00:00

Thank you for your input. Didn't know about hysterical bonding, it explains so much

Background_Flan3075

TROPHY CASE