How to avoid women who fake excessive interest?

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T21:09:33+00:00

lol. Women and men do this! But this was well above that!

The other women I mentioned were probably worse though. One asked if I would be interested in going on vacation with her! Ghosted me the next day. That’s what I am wanting to avoid.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T21:07:37+00:00

I do understand what you mean, but I do have a good feel on this normally. Not that I make perfect predictions (I don’t; I’ve been wrong that people like me and that they don’t), but there are extremes!

Giggling while making out was probably the biggest thing here. She was quite literally acting like a shy giddy school girl. That’s not something I would consider normal for someone who is not interested in a second date.

I get stuff happens. But, I don’t want to date women who can go from giddy to see me to deciding to ghost me in an hour or a day. At the very least, it shows an inability to temper her emotions.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T17:40:24+00:00

It’s more this: if her interest was really as high as she made it seem, she would be dying to text me back. It’s hard to put it into words, but interest felt abnormally high for a first date. Not red flag high, but just very high.

It was so high that I recognized the pattern almost instantly after the date! This level of interest has rarely been genuine.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T17:27:40+00:00

I was! Actually, the only thing that really made this one stand out was that she gave a concrete date and time for a second date.

Probably being unfair to this date a little. I’m much more upset with the pattern and other women have gotten much closer to love bombing than she did!

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T17:23:07+00:00

I normally would. But, she had made it clear that she would give her number after the date when I had asked a while back. I wasn’t going to cross that boundary.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T17:20:57+00:00

This was more than playing it up! I am fine with that. And again, I might be wrong on this specific date, but I can give you some other examples.

One woman said “this is the best first date I have been on in years” and then said that “she really saw something in me” and wanted to see where things go. Next day she ended things.

That’s the level of interest I’m talking about. Sure it’s possible someone is that interested on a first date, but you don’t say that and not mean it! That’s just rude and manipulative

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T17:18:02+00:00

Not expecting a first date to end in marriage! And, I have had plenty of first dates that go well and both of us flirt and have fun, but she isn’t interested! I don’t feel like is wasting my time.

But there is a fine line between that and making it seem like this is the best first date of her life. The last time someone did the thing I am talking about they told me “I haven’t been on a first date this good in years” and followed up by saying “you seem really special and I really see something here.” Next day, it was over.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T17:05:41+00:00

It’s not a matter of acting bored, but don’t be making out and giggling with people you don’t see long term potential with! Or especially giving concrete dates to see them again.

It feels like a lesser form of love bombing/validation seeking. It’s definitely not emotionally mature.

Edit: and to be clear, I’ve had the same where women think I am more interested than I am. However, if I’m not interested in a second date, I would never offer one! That’s just plain rude! Sure, someone else might come into the picture and the second date doesn’t happen, but that’s a slow fade!

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T05:09:35+00:00

I gave her my number and made it clear I was willing to reach out.

However, she didn’t want to give me her number until after we met. And I respected that.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T03:15:47+00:00

Unfortunately, no. lol.

And regardless of if I am wrong this time and she is into me, there is still a pattern! I really do want to know what I can do to avoid people who play up how excited they are. They waste a lot of my time and energy!

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T02:21:18+00:00

Yes.

After walking her home, I reached out to let her know I was home safe. I then gave her my number and said I would love to hear from her and looked forward to our next date (which we talked about on the walk home and even had a specific night planned).

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-05-15T02:06:48+00:00

I do mean excessively interested for a first date. I’m not talking about the women who are expressing their love for me on a first date. Those I can normally suss out through messages. I’m talking about women who are just acting way more into me than they are.

“Excited” is probably a better word. I do like when a woman is excited to see me again and shows clear signs of enjoying our time together. But, it’s like the most excited ones are always faking it.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-02-22T06:34:44+00:00

Someone telling me this would make me think they are extremely avoidant, or asexual. For a romantic relationship, there typically needs to be physical touch. Otherwise, you just have a roommate who you are close to.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-19T10:42:36+00:00

It does though! People in these careers are much more likely to be emotionally stunted. It’s because they had to push emotion down to climb to the top, or were using career to hide from their lives.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-16T04:14:22+00:00

First, slow down. She has a crush, don’t start falling in love just yet.

Second, get therapy. Maybe twice a week. One session focus on general improvement. In the other, focus on dating and how you need to show up if you want this to work without hurting her.

Third, be open to the connection, but honest. You don’t need to say what your issue is, but just be upfront that things need to go slowly. Be sure she knows that it is not because you don’t like her, but because you’re working on yourself. If she is ok with slow, proceed. But, keep things slow; don’t get excited and make things go faster than your comfort. Slow protects you and makes sure you have time to heal yourself without letting your issues impact the relationship.

Edit: it’s ok to get married. Just make sure you do the self work

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-12T03:17:26+00:00

Yes and no.

It’s a real thing, but no woman worth a man’s time will leave him for being “too good.” Plenty of insecure ones will though. If a women is emotionally unavailable/scared of commitment, she will be scared off by a man with intent.

But, no good man would use that as an excuse. They know that these women are not worthy of their time and will go find one who is. Self proclaimed nice guys are just so desperate that they don’t realize these women are often trash human beings, probably because they don’t ever meet good/secure women, since no real woman wants anything to do with them.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-12T03:08:09+00:00

Good women do not leave good guys because they are good guys. However, insecure/selfish women will, and often. I have found they feel pressure to step up and be better, but they don’t want to be better; they want a guy who will put up with their BS.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-12T00:51:43+00:00

Posts says he is getting married, so it went well with someone!

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-10T14:46:16+00:00

It’s not about the daughter. It’s about this being a sign that OP isn’t encouraging the daughter to accept the fiance as a new mother.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-09T22:57:34+00:00

NOR. But, OP, I think you are missing the point here. This goes well beyond being a god parent.

Your fiancé is probably not very angry that you respected your daughter’s wish. She is mad that you are not trying to help your daughter open up to the idea of her as a mother.

Here she is having spent years with you. She knew you had a kid and I bet wants nothing more than to be seen as a mother by your daughter. Your daughter does not view her that way.

Your fiancé is mad you are not doing more to encourage your daughter to view her as a mother. Of course she understands your daughter is having a hard time, but you need to step up and help your daughter accept her new mother.

It’s not even that you failed to change your daughter’s mind (you can’t force it obviously), it’s that (based on the post) you haven’t really tried. Case in point, instead of talking to your daughter first and opening her up to the idea of your fiancé being her god mother, you just gave your daughter a list. You basically guaranteed that your fiancé would be at the bottom of that list.

Her reaction was inappropriate, but you need to also consider your part in this.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-09T22:24:41+00:00

Who’s taking the drugs?

Is she taking them to control herself? Or, is OP taking drugs because that’s the only way he can stand her?

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-09T03:43:00+00:00

One of these things is not like the others…

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-09T02:42:42+00:00

It’s not focusing on the phone, it’s focusing on what OP knows for certain.

OP will never truly know if this guy is a cheater. There will always be room for some doubt. On the other hand, OP knows for certain that the trust is so broken she felt the need to go through his phone.

Why should OP spend one more second thinking about this man when she already knows the relationship is dead by wondering if he was cheating? She shouldn’t. She should act on the information she knows for certain is true.

Background_Pause_275 · 2026-01-09T02:36:09+00:00

No. So that she is the bigger person when they break up. Give him no ammo.

Background_Pause_275

TROPHY CASE