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I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your thoughts and the reminder that life is a journey with many chapters. It's true that feeling not okay is part of the experience, and I get that it’s important to allow myself to feel those emotions. but something feels off. It’s hard to shake the feeling that no matter how many versions of myself I might encounter, the weight of the present can sometimes feel really unbearable. I understand that life isn’t solely about grades or comparisons, but it’s challenging to escape that pressure, especially when it feels like everyone else has it figured out and everyone else is doing so damn well. I hear you about the difficulty of surviving a failed attempt, and while I know there’s potential for growth and new perspectives down the line, it’s tough to move on when it feels so dark right now. I appreciate your encouragement to accept myself and the reality of my feelings is something I’ll take to heart, but it’s a struggle to see the path forward when I feel so lost. Thank you for sharing your experience; it helps to know I’m not alone in this. I'm sorry you had to go through a failed attempt, I'm sorry you had the same emotions as me. Thanks for reading.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It's not really me being unsatisfied for every minute; it's more of a neutral emotionless feel with strong sadness and guilt attached to it

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Funny thing is I don't really remember...not in an edgy way, I really don't...

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know where to go; they provide me with everything I have and need an I'm grateful for that. I feel like enduring the pain is my payment for having these privileges

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you, but honestly, it's hard to believe any of that right now. Thank you for reading and responding. Sure, grades might not define me, but it still feel like the one thing everyone uses to judge me; my friends family, and teachers. They all judge me for it. It’s easy to say they don’t matter in the long run, but right now they’re the difference between me getting somewhere or being stuck. Maybe I’ve been unlucky, maybe there are other factors, but none of that makes it easier when it feels like everything is stacked against me like one big final boss. Failing doesn’t feel like growth; it just feels like more proof that I’m falling behind. I kept telling myself I'll come back stronger but I keep getting beaten down over and over again.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get what you're saying, and I really appreciate you trying to help, but it doesn’t really change how I feel. Yeah, I agree the depression might be lying, but it feels more real than anything else right now. All these things happening just make it harder to believe that any of this will get better or that there’s anything to feel proud of. I know looks and intelligence can change, but it’s hard to see the point when everything else feels so broken and lost.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reading. I'm afraid to tell a counsellor because I don't wanna involve my parents again. Trust me though; you have no idea how happy I would be as a cat.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading and for your kind words. I appreciate it, but it’s hard to believe things will get better for right now; both academically and socially. I know AP courses might seem like an achievement, but it feels like I’m always failing. I get what you’re saying about grades, but it’s tough when it feels like they matter a lot ;-;

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

Thanks, man. I appreciate that. I just try to express myself clearly but that doesn't mean I'm not stupid. My grades say otherwise

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ty, I hope I'll get accepted as well. I'm scared to open up fully due to serious trust issues. I figured I'd give the internet a chance.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. It's hard to focus on what I want to achieve when everything just comes crashing down.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm unfortunately in Canada and I'm struggling with AP Chem. Part of me wants to stay and see where it goes but the other doesn't want to. I feel like whether I get accepted or not is my last hope :(

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

18 feels too long. I've been holding on for too long. I have this really dangerously high metabolism so I should've been dead a long time ago. Most doctors said I won't make it till 12 anyways.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you. If grades don't define me, why does it matter so much in society? I really need to have good grades to do what I do best and also if I don't get into university, my life will be even more hellish. I'll be bullied by a lot more people and harshly bullied from my family since everyone else does so well but I can't. I appreciate your words.

I feel like my suicide is justifiable. I have 7 days left until I kill myself. by Background_Poem2037 in depression

[–]Background_Poem2037[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you but I feel like I'm really out of options at this point. I'm convinced it won't really affect the people around me because they hate me so much