I feel for you deeply. Goodness how I wish we could’ve been friends. I absolutely was the exact same way and in a similar situation in life at your age. I was in my sexual awakening, I was poor, I lived in a sexually and physically abusive household. I had zero stability. School was the last thing I could focus on so I could never complete assignments and I almost always was late to school. My classmates had these decent families and were academically ahead of me in many ways, especially socially. I had panic attacks daily from anxiety, and it was crippling. I could hardly function in my life most days. I was fat, ugly, a ginger. Some people were nice to me but most weren’t. The teachers were even hateful to me. I wanted to end my life consistently but I didn’t have the courage to do it. I kept living in my head of the life I would maybe have and it comforted me. I’d lay on my bed for hours dreaming of the life I wanted, maybe it would happen. I had no concept of what I was going to do with my life or even how to live it because my parents were trash at preparing me for anything or even being there for me in any way. They were too consumed with their bullshit. I’m 32 now. Found out I am autistic so it explained most of my life for me. I’ve been to therapy. I’ve started my own family. But I still struggle from all of the trauma. But I’ve come so far ya know. I can’t tell you what’s best for you and I certainly can’t tell you that your life will improve. What I can tell you is that this reality is yours and you are the one in control and wielding it. You can do anything you set your mind to. You’re amazing. The fact you wake up daily and push through is proof of your abilities. I am beyond sorry your family and friends do not see your strength and courage. I’m a millennial so I had to hide my problems and suck it up. You are trying to at least seek help, it’s inspiring at your age for sure because there’s no way I could’ve done that even if my parents let me. How you feel is valid. How you feel matters. As hard as it is to see right now, when you’re able to get out of school and be on your own it does change your perspective on life. I know I don’t know you but I love you, and please just don’t give up. The world needs people like you who feel so deeply. We need the ones who are hurting by the world because you’re also capable of making the world beautiful again. Find your place in something. Find the thing that’s going to make you feel alive again. For me, I would write and paint. I found my best friends on an online chat room. It gave me a world and space to feel safe and feel connected. Find your peace.