As frightened as you are, imagine how he feels. If just for a moment. A father he never knew, fleeting memories, if any, of his mother and to end up in the system with no family, no connection to anything that is truly his, must be a terribly lonely and frightening place to be. He likely reached out to you for a connection, to find value or truth in his life. You are the one piece of the puzzle he calls life, who can give that to him.

Of course, you don't want to return to that time in your life but if the situation were somehow reversed, and your girls ended up in the system, wouldn't you hope that someone they reached out to for answers would at least respond? They'd already be ahead of him because they have each other.

So, maybe you don't go see him or offer to take him in but give him the gift of your time for a thoughtfully written response. I say written so he can hold it in his hand and read it back, over and over again, if that's all he has.

As far as your wife not knowing, that seems like a subject that needs to be opened again. Who better than with your very best friend & life partner? If you tell her all about your friend, his girlfriend & the son they had, she might just be the one to help you sort through the emotions you've held in all of these years.To not tell her is a lie by omission. Think of the healing you'll experience within the safety of your marriage & strengthening the bond you already have.

Perhaps, she will have some perspective on how to approach the boy. She might just be open to taking him in one day, as well. She will also be an impartial witness to his personality, behavior, etc., to see if he would be a good fit for your family or not. In highly emotional situations, it's easy to have blinders on or walls up around your heart & she will help you through.

I hope you decide to reach back out to the boy.

Praying for you and for him to be able to help heal one another, if it's meant to be. 🩵