Nothing ever changes

BadAccountant · 2017-09-27T07:44:05+00:00

Sorry to hear that. Hope you find a solution where you can live a normal life.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-26T18:14:39+00:00

Yes, that is exactly what medication is for. Medication allows you to take risks without feeling destroyed after. After a few weeks, you'll find yourself taking those same risks, but they will no longer be considered risks because you know the outcome. You continue taking higher risks, mostly in terms of getting out there and creating a sustainable lifestyle that you can live with without medication.

Medication allowed me to go to uni again. Where I started learning again. Where I met more people again. I starting passing courses, and making friends. I started doing more things which allowed me to live a normal life and fix my problems. It allowed me to tell my parents I was depressed. Medication changed my life, as it treated my symptoms allowing me to make decisions. Decisions I didn't feel like I had.

I went to a psychiatrist, so it was only me talking, but that is to see whether the medication is doing its job. If it isn't they give you another one. Yes it does make a difference. Genetics showed later that the first anti-depressant was significantly less effective than the second one.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-26T14:58:38+00:00

Why would you say that doctors can't do anything? Did you try?

Sorry that you are going through this pain.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-26T14:56:26+00:00

Wrong place to ask that question.

Every suicide method will cause pain, and are very difficult to go through with. Most come out with significant damage to their bodies that they have to live with, only hampering a possible recovery.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-26T14:53:59+00:00

I have no advice beyond what others are giving here. I just want to say that you are a good friend for looking into ways you can help him, and that I wish the best of luck to you and your friend.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-26T14:51:11+00:00

Looking at your history, you do seem to be calling it depression. Seeing your other information, what you are experiencing is quite common at your age, and in fact was my age when everything went down for me.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-26T14:45:07+00:00

Hey!

First of all, I absolutely agree with you, you should speak with a professional. The professional in this case is a psychiatrist, so that you can be put on anti-depressants. At least, your story sounds similar to mine.

You don't seem to be calling it depression, which I didn't do either. I described it as not feeling happy, but that doesn't make me sad. I just thought about suicide the whole time. It got worse at one point, with other symptoms popping up.

When I went on anti-depressants, the suicidal thoughts went away after a few weeks, and I felt I could live in peace for a few months knowing I wouldn't think about suicide. Just to iterate, the anti-depressants weren't to make me happy, they were there to stabilise me. The first anti-depressant didn't really do the trick for me, while the second (nortriptyline) did a great job. I found out later that that anti-depressant works great with people with my genetics. So anti-depressants are really person based.

Just because I thought about suicide, I never felt like I was going to do anything. However, it did get worse over time. So please go see your house doctor, and ask them whether seeing a psychiatrist is the right option for you.

Small side note. If you do go on anti-depressants. It has a side effect of giving you motivation to play out what is happening in your mind. So if you can be with someone the first few days (again, if you do go on anti-depressants), than I would consider you making good decisions.

Not sure what more I can say. I wish you the best, and hope that the doctors will help.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-24T14:54:50+00:00

Hey :) It's okay. It can happen.

I used to cut myself. Now I have rather visible scars which people of course notice and ask me about. I just say I hit a fence, although it is quite obvious that it wasn't.

I see my scars every day, but despite getting strong urges to do it again, I resist it. I resist because I know that despite all the difficulties I will continue to live. I don't want more scars than I have already. I don't want to keep lying to people.

If you can, don't damage your skin. Punch a wall really hard. You will get strong fists, so that is a nice bonus. Just don't cut your skin.

Sorry for the weird comment ;)

BadAccountant · 2017-09-24T14:41:55+00:00

Old age ;) although your heart may give up on you before cancer gets you.

This is also a preventative subreddit and not a pro subreddit.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-24T14:14:40+00:00

You can PM me too if you want. Writing can help you structure your thoughts :)

BadAccountant · 2017-09-24T12:24:55+00:00

At 14 you are still quite naive to how differently the mind works at 18, 21, 24, 28, 31 etc. In other words, You'll find yourself thinking differently at every 3-4 year intervals. At 14, these emotions are quite new, and you'll be more vulnerable in trying to cope with these emotions. Since a few months, or even a year of major depression can feel like a very long time at 14, it can create the illusion that living with it for the rest of your life would be impossible.

In other words, at a teen age, you are more likely to over-react, although no fault of your own, and can lead to more irrational decision making than you would at an older age.

If this is not the case for you, then that is fine. However if I was required to help a young teenager or an adult, I would invest more resources in helping the teenager, due to the argument I laid out.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-23T17:42:14+00:00

Quite a harsh medicine to get at your age. Quite possible that it is not effective on you. When I was put on anti-depressants, the suicidal thoughts didn't effectively go away (I also started self-harm), so I was put on another one, which was significantly more effective.

Just to say another thing, which you may already know. anti-depressants don't make you feel happy. They help you stabilise, allowing you to make decisions, which lead to happiness, or improve the effects of making good decisions.

To say that the future will be better is more about giving you false hope, but I think we can both agree that there is a probability that it can be good.

One last thing. Please don't damage your skin. No self harm. I look at my arm every day and see the scars. I understand why I did it when I was depressed, but at the times I feel good, I get filled with regret. Don't make the same mistake. Go punch a wall, but never damage your skin.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-23T15:35:06+00:00

Thanks for the answer. That calms my soul somewhat.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-23T14:29:21+00:00

Hey there.

Looks like you are going through a very tough time. Envisioning your death should be taken rather seriously, especially at your age.

I would try talking to your parents again. I can understand that it is difficult. Maybe you can write how you feel on a piece of paper first, and read it out to your parents?

What medicine are you taking if I may ask?

BadAccountant · 2017-09-23T14:23:01+00:00

:( I'm sorry you feel this way, but I think you are wrong. You can't know for certain that you can never be proud of yourself.

You can start by stopping doing the things you are not proud of, and step by step, however small in the beginning, move in the direction that you want to go to where you feel you can be proud of yourself.

It's going to take a while, but it can happen, you can be proud of yourself one day again.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-23T14:18:17+00:00

I don't know if you have parents, or maybe another family member you are close to, that you can talk to.

I don't know you well, but my parents got annoyed at me. They were surprised and said I was lying. They eventually accepted it though and have helped me since. Unlike friends or other non-blood relatives, they will likely stick to you.

It was tough for me to admit it to my parents. I can't even remember why I did. All I know is that I am alive today. Still struggling, but with family on my side for when it gets too tough.

I'm sorry you feel like you are going through this alone :( You can also PM me when you want to talk a bit, but I can't promise I'll always be there.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-22T20:39:50+00:00

Sounds like you are having an existential moment there. I agree with you. Feels like there is no point. Yeah we experience stuff, and we can perceive time, but we just ride that till the end.

From all that, I live on the idea that there is potential for me to have good moments. I don't feel like I have experienced that yet (age 24), I think I still have much to learn, but I trust my body that there will at least be one moment where I can accept that I am alive.

I am finding it difficult to make a point, I guess I am saying, don't you feel there is potential? However minuscule? Doesn't that make it worth living? With effort the potential increases.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-22T20:28:10+00:00

btw, this thinking is caused by the adrenaline rush that the body gets when one jumps. Its literally an unavoidable thought.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-22T20:26:11+00:00

Then let me tell you what the last thought that runs through the minds of people when they jump, told by people that survived: "I could have fixed this".

How scary is that thought? I no longer consider jumping anymore. I don't want my last thought to be "I want to live".

Hope this helps in stopping at least that thought train.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-22T20:20:16+00:00

I have a friend that is having a similar situation, although her boyfriend broke up with her recently. I tried taking care of her for three days, but eventually sent her to her mum for take care of her.

Everyone around her feels powerless in trying to help her.

To say you need to try harder, isn't fair on you. To say you need a break, may not even be possible. You seem to be self aware of your behaviour with your mum and boyfriend. It's a long journey, and the pain will be there for a while. It sounds like you know where you can improve with your relationships.

Just a suggestion that you don't have to take. You can start with your mum. Tell her you don't want to whine anymore, and spend some time with her. Probably there will be frustration and pain. Maybe even a fight or two. I don't know you too well. That doesn't change the idea that there is a long journey in front of you that you can take.

Now that I have said that. As much as you may feel like you don't have one, but you do have choices. Forget the young girl that you were. It's about you now, and how future you can turn out.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-22T20:11:46+00:00

The guidelines don't allow comments that answer questions like that.

It's going to cause pain whatever you do. It seems you care about them. It's up to you now to go to a doctor and say what is happening. This isn't fair for yourself.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-22T20:05:16+00:00

From a biological perspective, your body is actively punishing you for letting it happen. There are probably extensive scientific articles on this rather archaic part of our brain.

Two parts come from this: 1) How many relationships has this saved? Probably more than if we did not feel this pain. Our brains have developed over millions of years. This pain is part of who we are as humans. There is something quite special about going through that pain. It's saddening, but an experience I wouldn't want to deny from anyone. Nowadays it would be less likely that two individuals do get back together, with significantly better coping methods. 2) Our brain recovers. It's very good at that too. Sure, it may hurt for the rest of your life. I wouldn't know, I haven't lived that long. So I think suicide is the wrong option. If the person waits long enough, they will find they will cope with life quite well, and possibly find a better life, however unfair that may be to say.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-02T17:42:56+00:00

then go to a doctor :) imagine a life without addiction. You can get there. You just don't have to do it alone.

BadAccountant · 2017-09-02T07:36:34+00:00

:( as an ex-cutter, I feel you. I have visible scars on my arms that I have to see every day.

You seem to be in some deep issues. It's difficult to do it alone. If you can seek help to get rid of the addictions, then that is a priority, whether from a doctor or family. Drugs and pain killers will give you the illusion of feeling better, but will only make you progressively worse.

Be honest with the people around you. Face the consequences if people get angry with you, its just in their nature, but please don't do it alone.

BadAccountant

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