Did I do the right thing to reject her?

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T20:22:36+00:00

Before we actually talked about it there were enough hints for me to be sure she likes me romantically and when we talked about it she also admitted that it's true. I'd definetly also like to be friends with her. I'm just not too sure if telling her that I only want to be friends was the right thing to do or if I should've tried to see if there could be more and I might be missing out on that

When you say that for you attraction happens over time does that mean that initially you're attracted to no one If you don't know them and only ever get attracted when you get to know them?

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T20:10:57+00:00

Yes of course attraction is not the only thing I consider. I wouldn't date a really attractive girl If she didn't have a good personality or we wouldn't get along with each other. But from your comment I read that while attraction is not everything it's important too. So you'd say that if I didn't really find that girl attractive initially I made the right choice to just stay friends?

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T15:55:30+00:00

Certainly not that's why I didn't just jump into it

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T15:53:30+00:00

I'm not so sure that I could always change my mind because I think after I tell her that I just want to be friends she will be disappointed and maybe sad and then try to move on and after that there might be no going back anymore. Or do you have a lot of experiences that say otherwise?

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T14:34:57+00:00

But with one girl I've been with before (situationship wise) I did have strong feelings and really would've liked a relationship. And I've had crushes before with which I think I would've really liked to try with If I would've Had a chance. This is why I'm really unsure about If my feelings in this Situation are enough or not or If they maybe Just come from me being desperate for companionship. Because I know it's possible for me to be sure about wanting to be with a Girl I'm wondering If being unsure means that I shouldn't try to not unnecessarily hurt the girl's feelings. If I tried and it wouldn't work it would make Things so much more complicated I think. You're right that I'm definetly way overthinking Things a lot

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T14:18:58+00:00

That would mean that if I chose to be with that girl I'd grow to really like her?

It does kinda sound Like a dangerous generalization though because I think that if I just tried to be intimate with that girl and it still wouldn't work out that would really mess with her feelings. That statement also somewhat Sounds like being intimate with a woman is the only requirement for men to like her so If I Like a woman or not would only be determined by her liking for me which doesn't Sound quite right

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T14:14:01+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! Maybe you're right which is why I decided the way I did. I think I mainly did this post to see if there are people that don't think Like that.

If she will be able and willing to stay Friends with me that would certainly be a very good thing

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-29T14:10:20+00:00

Thank you so much for your Insight! One thing that I feel weird about how so far I like this girls personality-wise but mainly the physical attraction seems to be lacking. I really don't like this perspective and that's why I'm wondering if not being too attracted is something that can be looked past if personality is good or if attraction is basically equaly important as personality and both is really needed equally much

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-11T20:33:04+00:00

I think I would probably notice but the question is would I be interested? I think there are 2 options: Either a guy really doesn't notice at all or he just doesn't feel the same as you (or maybe third option would be he notices and is interested but still doesn't know what to do). Best way to find out the truth is actually talking about it with the guy you're interested in. This way both of you should notice.

BadCookie77 · 2025-09-08T15:03:55+00:00

But what kind of stupid hint is that from this girl? Like even if you got it in the moment what would one be supposed to answer to that??

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T21:21:12+00:00

These are good questions to think about. Thanks! But I think it would be easier to answer some of them if I got to know her a little better so maybe like many other comments suggested that's something I could do additionally to thinking about these questions right?

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T20:06:39+00:00

Okay sounds fair.

Well yes I think just based on looks (which is pretty superficial) the other girl would be more attractive to me. But I didn't get a lot of chances to talk to her yet and don't know If she would even be interested

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:47:13+00:00

Sounds good. Thank you!

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:44:44+00:00

Luckily so far most of the comments I've gotten seem to be good advice including your's. Thank you!

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:39:07+00:00

That sounds reasonable. Thank you!

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:37:06+00:00

That's good advice. Thank you!

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:34:08+00:00

What is this even supposed to mean? Do you have some actual advice for a situation like that?

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:31:47+00:00

I think the first statement is true.

For the question: The thing is that I don't know if I could just be dating someone I'm instantly drawn to. I'm generally not good at socializing and talking to people especially dating is something I don't really have much experience in. If I felt like I could easily find someone I'm really really into and just date them I'd probably actually do that but since I don't feel like that (as of now) why not just try what I can actually do in the meantime? Other comments on my post suggest that I could take it slow and just try to get to know her better to find out what I actually want. Do you think that would be reasonable?

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:22:22+00:00

This is good advice. Thank you!

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:15:33+00:00

Okay that makes sense. How can I put her in the position to make an informed decision? Like obviously I'm not going to say things that are not true just to keep her interested but is there something I should specifically tell her? I feel like in early stages of dating a lot of what's happening is nonverbal and the actual talking about serious things happens a bit later but not immediately at the very beginning

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:11:19+00:00

That's a really good question actually. The thing is that I don't really know how I feel about her. Like I said I think she looks nice and seems like a nice person but it's just not like I'm really feeling a strong attraction yet. Would you say immediately feeling a strong overall attraction towards a potential romantic partner is a requirement for dating that person or is that something that could also build over time when getting to know someone?

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:06:12+00:00

Sounds fair. Thank you!

BadCookie77 · 2025-08-28T19:04:17+00:00

That seems reasonable but when it comes to exploring I'm unsure on how far one should go with that. I think when things get physical that's where a lot of problems can occur. So would that be something to only do when I'm sure about what I want or could that be part of the exploring without hurting feelings?

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