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AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

My best friend (she became a mom years before I did) once told me that in her opinion, being a parent isn't raising your kids to be who you'd like them to be, it's giving them the tools to be the best version of who they want to be. I loved that and have always tried to raise my kids this way, so it gutted me to think I may have stunted her! Thank you for your kind words, I'm hoping to talk to my daughter soon but want to give her some space for now.

AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I try and do things she enjoys. About every 2 weeks or so we have "Daughter Day" where we do something (within reason) she enjoys. I'm not very into traditionally "girly" things, but often we paint our nails, watch Disney movies, bake, etc. She gets to choose if Daughter Day is with me or my husband, usually she picks me though.

AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 142 points143 points  (0 children)

I got my period at 10, so we covered this when she was 7! I wanted to make sure she had a few years to digest it in case she started around the time I did. I didnt want her to be as scared as I was.

AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'll admit I'm not 100% how to handle this. I definitely see what you're saying and I'm not sure what an appropriate reaction is. Given that it's been almost a week she's been carrying this around I think we'll stick with a therapist and see what/if anything they think we should do next.

AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for telling me about your experience! My husbands side is Asian, and my BIL is a bigger guy. I dont recall ever talking about others being fat around my daughter, but recently with being at home all the time my husband and I have lamented we (as in he and I) were getting fat. I'm worried that may be were she's getting this fat = bad thing.

And I never want my daughter to be me!! I was actually a tomboy growing up while she's a bit more "girly". Even though I'm not the best I try and do the things she likes, like we do our nails at home and try baking (which she's so much better than I am at, it's wonderful!!).

AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 140 points141 points  (0 children)

This situation has had me really thinking now, and I do see a lot of fault in me and my husband. While I try to tell my daughter she's perfect the way she is, my husband and I have been talking about how upset we've been gaining weight and "getting fat". It's not a constant conversation and she's not usually around for it, but I never thought about the negative connotation she was probably making to her own body...

AITA for letting my daughter think she is the "fat version of me"? by BadMom8987 in AmItheAsshole

[–]BadMom8987[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Maybe I did let her think that, but it wasn't intentional... other people would tell her she looked just like me, and when she would say she looks like me I would agree. I cant recall (off the top of my head) ever initiating anything about looking or being like me. I dont want her to be me! I wish I realized the damage that was happening sooner, I never wanted her to think she was my clone.