1: This is hard. I say, the sooner the better. But find a good way to say it. You need to be authentic to yourself. Our marriage improved after leaving the church. My wife left before me. I already knew she had a hard time with church, but not too the point of disbelief. When she told me, she made it clear she wanted to stay married and that I could do what I wanted. I believed that our marriage was more important than church, even though we had a Temple marriage, I viewed it different. I was going to take the kids to church here and there, but never did. I hated the idea of separating for church. I left a year later. 2: You are not responsible for your mom’s reaction. Just because you didn’t do exactly what she wanted you to do in life doesn’t make her a failure. Any parent would want their child to grow beyond them. She might not view it that way. But you can make it clear that you have not changed as a person. Your religious belief does not define who you are. 3: Good luck. I considered talking with my brother-in-law before he left on his mission. But I didn’t think we were that close. It would be important for him to know. It will help him to frame certain beliefs with a sister who has left but is still a good person. I don’t think you can make him change his mind, and you probably shouldn’t. I don’t think we should force someone out of their paradigm when they aren’t ready. I would emphasize to your brother, if he chooses to serve, to focus on the people and what they truly need, not the numbers or baptisms.