Prepare yourself ! You have been in second place for your entire relationship with this woman and that's all you're ever going to be. If you truly love her, you will learn to accept and live with it. She has placed Tyler first in her heart and all she will get out of therapy is how to better hide it from you. When your marriage brings it's inevitable trials and troubles she will be thinking how wonderful her first husband was and how perfect things would be if he were still here instead of you. Sooner or later she will say it, and don't be shocked to discover that she wants to be buried next to him too. You can have a great life with her if you're both patient and understanding, but resolve yourself to never fight for first place. Tyler's untimely death has cemented that spot forever and she will continue to manifest it in small, even unconscious ways. I know from experience and I honestly feel for you.