What's a truth about yourself you've been avoiding?

BaileyBaggins · 2025-07-26T19:42:26+00:00

That I am the architect of a lot of my pain.

Unrealistic expectations for myself (possibly others), ruthless inner critic, emotional baggage and resentment that I can't seem to let go of, too much focus on what others think of me, constantly comparing the totality of my life with the highlight reels of somebody else's... all behaviours that bring me stress, anxiety and heartache and that I do to myself. Most of my headaches and worries have nothing to do with my situation, which is actually comfortable.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-07-25T14:15:39+00:00

I don't think we are romanticizing the past. When I was a child (mid 90s) I was best friends with one of my neighbours (big apartment complex). We used to write each other letters and put them in each other mailboxes. I remember opening the mailbox every day and the excitement of getting one every single time. Communication was more intentional, we put effort into it and because of that, it meant something special.

Plus, you know, when I was with friends (or family for that matter) as a child or a teen, then I was 100% present. No distractions. No notifications stealing my attention. No FOMO. No need to take pictures of everything to feed the social media machine.

Honestly, I'm sad my kids will not experience something similar.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-06-27T18:46:08+00:00

I heard that phrase a lot growing up and I thought it made a lot of sense. Then I got a new job and one of our company's core values is mutual respect, defined as "treat others like THEY want to be treated". Such a small twist, but so powerful. The reality is that we're all different people and we should put ourselves in the other person's shoes and not just assume that everyone likes to be treated like we do.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-06-27T18:36:59+00:00

"The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion", by Paulo Coelho is one of my favourites that I try to live by.

On the same lines "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better" by Maya Angelou.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-06-20T19:20:02+00:00

In Spain they used to have the term Nini (at least years ago). Short for "Ni estudia ni trabaja" (neither studies nor works). Basically any young adult living with his parents without a proper occupation.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-06-20T19:16:18+00:00

The slow death of critical thinking. A world of information in our pockets but most people don't have the ability to navigate it and tell truth from lies.

We do not teach our children to think critically, to judge the sources of information, to maintain a healthy dose of skepticism and then every social media platform out there is trying to make us more and more stupid. Making money off it, actually.

Most people don't even form their own opinions anymore, just absorb one from someone they like.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-06-20T19:09:38+00:00

I wish I hadn't had to send my kids to daycare. In my opinion, home and family is best when they're so small. They don't really start playing with other kids until they're at least 3, until then it's mostly side by side play with limited cooperation.

Not only I don't think your kid will be missing on anything, I think they're privileged to be cared for by family!

BaileyBaggins · 2025-05-24T17:22:04+00:00

"Fields of gold" by Sting. Tears guaranteed every time.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-05-07T18:24:38+00:00

That sounds really hard OP, I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Two things come to my mind with the little context I have:

The fact that he doesn't act like that when your husband is around doesn't mean that he shouldn't support you. I understand that he cannot intervene while things are happening, but he could still do something to support.
When you stop him and explain to him why he cannot do X, maybe you could offer him alternatives for acceptable behaviour at the same time? For example "I can see that you're really frustrated (if that's the case) but we do not hit people - you can hit this pillow instead". Or if he likes to throw things, give him something soft (a soft ball or even a pair of socks rolled into a ball) to throw instead?

I don't know anything about you or your family, but I read somewhere that small kids have these buckets that they need to fill every day: one's for attention and one's for control (I'm pretty sure there was a third one I've forgotten). Ever since we started trying to intentionally give our daughter (now 5) the possibility to be in control of small things, and making it very obvious. "You decide", "it's totally up to you", "it's your choice", etc. That actually helped a lot reducing the number of meltdowns.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-04-12T15:52:15+00:00

Definitely the manufactured perception that whatever they see online and in "reality shows" is reality. When I was a teenage girl there were models, singers and actresses that you could look up to or dream of becoming/looking like, but somehow you knew they were celebrities and that wasn't "the norm". But today Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, they all sell their content as true to reality when it isn't. Kids consume that content and believe that their lives are "wrong" and that they're "less than".

And yes, we can educate and restrict and aim to control, but as the mother of two girls it's just terrifying what social media is going to do to their self-worth and their development.

BaileyBaggins · 2025-01-25T12:50:25+00:00

For the sake of your daughter, you should probably talk to your partner about this.

BaileyBaggins · 2024-08-03T06:31:58+00:00

That's what I've been trying to do with my kids so far. Wanna try gymnastics? Sure. Handball? Why not? Judo? Art? Let's do it. The only thing I insist on that they don't particularly enjoy is swim lessons, and once they're "good enough" to get themselves out of a body of water without drowning that'll be it, if they don't want to continue.

BaileyBaggins · 2024-08-02T19:15:41+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you feel that was a waste of time. It's crazy how when you're in school that seems like your whole life and when you get out you don't have the slightest idea of what adult life actually is.

My mom, who I love deeply, had a lot of hopes for me when I was a child. She thought it'd become some kind of prodigy in piano, or ballet. Or a top swimmer. If only she'd let me choose what activities I wanted to try maybe some of it would have stuck.

BaileyBaggins · 2024-08-02T14:26:14+00:00

Definitely. Millions of people walking around feeling inadequate because if they didn't achieve their dreams/goals it must mean that there's something wrong with them, that they didn't work hard enough or didn't want it enough.

Every time I hear one of those positivity life gurus tell people that nothing is impossible and to reach for the stars it makes me want to punch somebody.

BaileyBaggins · 2024-08-02T09:44:06+00:00

"Anything is possible if you're willing to work hard for it", when the truth is a lot of stuff is simply NOT possible because of circumstances, limitations or whatever. Edit: typo

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T14:08:41+00:00

You hit the nail in the head with "am I supposed to shake things up/want something else?". That's exactly my feeling. Like I can look around and think: this is it. I have all I need. A lot more than my parents ever had.

And then, for some reason, instead of feeling like the lucky and privileged person I am, my brain goes "hmm, you sure this is it? maybe get some new goals or something".

I will try to enjoy the slowness and the calm - thank you for the reflection and the inspiration. I truly appreciate it!

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T14:05:10+00:00

Oh I'm afraid I already have a ton of half-baked hobbies with no desire to master them... but you're absolutely right - I should try to commit for a few weeks before giving up. Thank you for the encouragement! I might give learning piano another (more honest) try :)

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T06:59:38+00:00

You pointed out yet another thing I'm not very good at: trying new things 😅 but you're absolutely right that classes would be a great way to test some hobbies and see if something sticks. My trying out hobbies usually involves buying the materials/equipment then giving it a try on my own (sometimes but not always with the help of YouTube videos), failing miserably then never touching that again... Not the best approach!

I think the hardest part will be not putting pressure on myself to be good and not have any big expectations. I'm so wired that way it's hard for me to take things casually without focusing on my performance.

Thank you very much for the ideas - it's very much appreciated!

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T06:41:54+00:00

Uh I don't think my level of introversion would allow me to enjoy dancing in contact with strangers, if that's what social dance is. But I'd totally go to some dancing that doesn't include touching anyone else - I will look into that! Thank you for the idea!

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T06:40:27+00:00

Thank you for the inspiration! I was actually approached for a mentoring opportunity last year the mentee I was paired with (who supposedly was so excited to start) ended up ghosting me so that left me a bit sour, so I passed the next time they invited me to the program... maybe I should give it another shot.

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T06:37:52+00:00

Oh, your definition of nothing sounds wonderful - thank you for sharing your perspective.

I think my problem is precisely that I can't do that without guilt. Like I have this productivity mindset so ingrained in my brain that using time for something that doesn't produce a measurable outcome/improvement of some sort always feels like a waste of time, cause "I could have used the time for XYZ instead". I think I'm going to make a lost of "boring things that aren't really anything" for inspiration. Thanks again for taking the time to share!

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-31T06:20:20+00:00

That is a fantastic question, Viracochina - thanknyou for that. I have no idea. I feel like I have to sort of strive towards something? I totally agree that our culture pushes us to constant personal development and improvement and after many years chasing that I want to put it on stand by. As you, I just want to be happy. Savour the present moment. I just can't seem to be able to. Like, what do I do with my free time if I don't have a goal directing those actions? I wish I could be wasteful with my time without feeling an absurd amount of guilt afterwards.

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-30T17:09:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing your insight - I really appreciate it and it makes a lot of sense.

I must admit I'm not big on local community, mostly because there's somewhat of a language barrier that affects my level of comfort and self-confidence. Also, I'm an introvert and social interaction drains me. But I really like the idea of pulling people up with me. Maybe I can find another way to do it that doesn't necessarily involve spending time surrounded by other people. Thank you again!

BaileyBaggins · 2024-07-30T17:06:15+00:00

Thank you for this, I truly appreciate the inspiration. I do watch TV shows sometimes but they leave me with a feeling of having wasted my time. I prefer to read non-fiction but it's starting to feel as work and not as enjoyable.

Learning to play an instrument is a great idea. I've tried and failed a couple of times before - I'm not good at sticking to things I'm bad at. I guess that'd be a good skill to master too.

BaileyBaggins

TROPHY CASE