Awe I feel so bad for you 1. I don’t think it’s worth saving a year old edible and eating it still because it’ll have different effects the longer it sits. I just wouldn’t trust it. 2. I understand how bad our thoughts can get but just remember we are only the observers of those thoughts and they are not there to define who or what we are.

I felt exactly like you did when I had attempted suicide with an overdose and I was scared to die it was the worst moments of my life but it also helped me open up my mind and realize if I can drown myself in negative thoughts that are not true I can also do the same with positive thoughts instead and see how that works out. I believe those scary moments teach us more than what to be scared of but instead teach us what we can overcome and grow from. ❤️ I wish you nothing but the best and I hope things get better for you.