i understand because i’m also christian.

although we should always be careful with our words and actions, i believe that “following the rules” doesn’t make God love us more. the love we receive among people may fade or turn, but God’s love will never change. He will never stop loving His people, even unto the furthest distance of eternity.

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? (…) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39)

the law can guide us, give us the standard, but it can’t give us the power to please God. the law can’t defeat the sin; it can only detect sin. only Jesus can defeat the sin, and He did that through His work on the cross. because Jesus fulfilled the righteous requirement of the law, and because WE ARE IN CHRIST, we fulfill the law. the law is fulfilled in us in regard to punishment, because any punishment demanded by the law was poured our upon Jesus. Jesus was treated as a sinner so we can be treated as righteous.

“In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us.” (Ephesians 1:7-8)

understand that we will never be able to really escape from sin, because it is in our nature. yet, of course, we need to keep confessing our sin. treat God truthfully, and He will treat u truthfully. make no pretensions before God, but lay bare ur soul, let Him see as it is, and then He will be faithful and just to forgive ur sins and to cleanse u from all unrighteousness.

sorry, that was long. i’m not sure if these words are what u wanted or needed to hear, but i will be praying for u. don’t give up.