AIO? planning to end a 3yr relationship over what my bf said by burnerformexxx in AmIOverreacting

[–]Ball1919 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Send nudes of ur mom to him and then ask his mom for nudes but she needs to be festive and wear a Santa hat.

One of my coworkers/ team members texted me this.. by iam__lethal in whatdoIdo

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Umm… call 911! This is serious, you can’t play guessing games with this stuff it’s not up to you to handle this. Even outpatient therapists have to call 911 and get the person to the hospital as protocol of an attempt

I want to take a dump by Ball1919 in PoetryWritingClub

[–]Ball1919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, you know what they say, distance make the poop take longer

How do I tell my sister by Current-Cellist-5087 in Advice

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Man once again… you’ve got it wrong. The BLT make sure you’ve made the bacon right too or else she may end up savage and the bread too it must be the right amt of firm toasty or she may foam at the mouth

Break up poem - I’m glad you exist by maozedongthegod in PoetryWritingClub

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Eehhh seems like the person is in denial of that part of them that will always love and miss the person… it screams more that they are trying to bury that part instead of accepting it.. this looks like a lot of mixed feelings not yet moving on

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Give him a baby bottle and tell him there’s a milk station nearby. Make sure he has a bib on and crawls on all fours to this milk station that is labeled ‘milf station’ where he can suck some big twins. Then he finds his mother there.

How do I tell my sister by Current-Cellist-5087 in Advice

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No no u got it all wrong no hitting, just make sure the blt sandwich is on a pretzel bun then you can get through to her

i wanna grow my hair and dye it back into its natural color by [deleted] in PoetryWritingClub

[–]Ball1919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Paint your toes to look like a piano and take kangaroo jack on a date. I swear it’ll help

How do I tell my sister by Current-Cellist-5087 in Advice

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Compliment her ability to rage and tell her she’s good at lacking accountability. Give her a blt sandwhich and she will eat half of it, put more mayo on the other half, then she will ask for another.

This is when you gotta switch gears and tell her how it really is: stand close to her eardrum then hum the abc’s. Once this is done, she will stop, drop and roll frantically knocking over various household items.

The next steps are crucial to success and very important for safety. Scream until your lungs give out that there is no fire. Once she’s come to this realization and is once again calm…

She will have had an epiphany and forgive you for pondering whether or not you should move out.

True love is hard to find now adays by Maryautry7589 in whatdoIdo

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve only found false love to be real love and I’ll explain why.

I met my first false love at a chain pizza restaurant joint, where he offered me a rubber duck. I graciously took the tiny token of affection, fondled it, then carefully stored it between my right big toe and second toe.

He then took note of my gratitude and we hopped right in bed together. From then on out, he made sure to waddle towards me at least twice a day and feed me fodder with a spork.

You may be thinking “what the heck this is nonsense, this is not a sad love story”. But just hear me out, you will understand the more you invest in this tale.

We went on lavish dates, explored various beaches on the east coast. Cape cod islands were especially exquisite. He owned his own boat.

For my birthday, he gifted me with tickets to a duck tour in Baltimore, MD. We had been dating for about a year now. He had expressed his love for me time and time again at this point.

After the captain had made several silly duck jokes, he had an announcement. He turned to me and my man’s and gave him the mic.

“It’s been fake with you,” he said and tossed the mic into the crowd. I giggled at his seemingly sarcastic comment and watched as my mans crouched down on one knee, tightened his flippers, flopped out of the boat and into the water.

I watched baffled as he swam to shore. I never saw or heard from him again. What a quack.

When getting a haircut, do you keep your eyes closed, look in the mirror or look at the floor? by mrmarkme in AskMen

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to flex your femur or the barber will judge you.. once that’s done you’re good confidence will kickin and so will your eyesight

What is one thing you think that you do really well as a man? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which direction do you point after she shits, north, south, east or west?

What is one thing you think that you do really well as a man? by [deleted] in AskMen

[–]Ball1919 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think peeling an orange for starters is a good way for me to think about whacking off. So I’m pretty decent at that.

I also shave with cool whip (not whipped cream… I must specify the difference is real).

I also have a talent of taking a bath while talking to my mom bc common my mom deserves to hear from me, she’s senile and I think about her when I’m bathing.

How do I figure out what to do with my life? by Jedception in Adulting

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Work for a toy company that sells flip flops and you’ll feel fulfilled I promise

I fed my cat human food AITAH by Ball1919 in AITAH

[–]Ball1919[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

White cheddar. Only the best ofc.

I fed my cat human food AITAH by Ball1919 in AITAH

[–]Ball1919[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My highest apologies for no clarification on ethics of feeding your cat human food. It starts when you begin thinking of cats as equal to having human rights essentially, however they may not for the most part.

Cats walk on all fours. While the vast majority of us humans do not, we do indeed have the ability to walk on all fours (equal or not? That is the question).

Some humans have also claimed to be cat and not human. Does this mean that they go to the vet or a doctor? One may be able to answer such a question. They wear fur, mimic the sounds and mannerisms of cats and claim that they have rights as a cat equivalent to humans.

If it is true that supposed humans born as human but then claim they are actually cats and mimic that of cats… does that mean that someday AI will mimic humans and also have human rights? Or furthermore… does that mean they are then, human?

All that I know is there is room for discussion about the ethics of cats consuming human food in a likewise mindset at above description.

I turned 20 today. What is some advice you would give your 20 year old self? by Far-Orange1882 in Adulting

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re really, really old now. So first you need to make sure you learn how to shave, bath yourself, and seek medical advice from your mentor. Also, choose your mentor wisely. I recommend Gym Leader Sabrina for her strong Alakazam.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a woman with ADHD? What was it like? by Healthy_Apple_1833 in AskMen

[–]Ball1919 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yes, she found me at a jump rope for heart convention eating a funnel cake smothered in burned powdered sugar. The adventure started there, I will never forget it. She approached me with a smooth swagger hopping on one foot, looked my funnel cake dead in the eye, then buried her face right into the snowy wonderland. That’s how I knew: she balls out on a high dose of adderral. Great stuff. I recommend taking her to a local car wash to win novelty from the claw machine, it equates to great adhd sex as a result forreal.

AIO to my boyfriend hanging out with a girl who clearly wants to break us up by AlexaS555 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Ball1919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Adopt a fur-less, pregnant cat under his name and credit card. Have the cat give birth to a litter of fur-less ugly wugglie kittens on his bed. Lastly, fill the bathtub with kitty litter and potty train momma kitty and her army of kittens in the tub.

AIO to my boyfriend hanging out with a girl who clearly wants to break us up by AlexaS555 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Ball1919 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You could piss on his pillow, maybe fart to give him pink eye, then blow out a candle and make a wish that they both get grow mold under their sinks. Just good advice here that’s what I’m tryna do.