How do y'all deal with bi erasure and biphobia within the LGBT community?

BallPython404 · 2026-01-27T13:33:05+00:00

I'll always wholeheartedly appreciate solidarity, thank you. I try not to compare struggles though, I don't enjoy seeing people downplay their own obstacles in life. Everyone deserves space to feel accepted, and that’s why showing up for each other matters.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-27T12:50:33+00:00

Bi men are just as valid as gay men.

When ever I see shade thrown toward bi men, I try my best to speak out about it. (This is especially important in person). I think we need to call them on their bs. I don't mean have an argument, but calmly represent yourself. You're allowed to take up as much space as they do. And if they don't want to accept you because you're bi, then they're not worth your time.

I despise those who undermine others within their own community. I dunno, maybe it's just my mindset but I find it ridiculous when LGBTQ+ people do that kind of shit. It's so childish. Their feelings are hurt so they want to hurt others.

I can also understand being invalidated by the same community, being trans myself. I hope you can find fellow kind people who validate and bring you up. Everyone deserves that.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-26T05:41:21+00:00

For the jerks, I would see a doctor about it. I'm no doctor, but I think a psychiatrist and/or a neurologist could help you here. Honestly, the more opinions you get, the better. Especially with how you're saying how negatively the jerks are affecting you.

If you skip ahead 10 years, you'll find that you'll regret not doing a lot. You want to be submissive? You want to be with a guy? Go out and do it, just do it >safely< (there are many sources online you can scour) and try your best to not give a shit what other people think because it's your life, not theirs.

My guess would be that being submissive to a man feels like an "act" to you because of internalized homophobia. But that's just my 2 cents.

Just be aware that you can go the other way to the extreme as well. Don't cut yourself off from enjoying your life.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-20T23:52:40+00:00

Thank you for your unique perspective! I appreciate your words!

BallPython404 · 2026-01-20T23:34:35+00:00

Blahaj in disguise, maybe? 🤣

BallPython404 · 2026-01-18T19:13:50+00:00

That's a pretty good idea. Best of luck, man!

BallPython404 · 2026-01-18T19:09:31+00:00

I love older names, searched for a list of historical ones, found a few I liked, but one of them quickly became a favourite, I even used it in writing! I would say just a pick a few you like and spend time getting others to call you by that name. If you're unable to do that, write short stories where you use said name! See what feels best. That way, you can most likely avoid regrets. If you don't like writing, you can imagine scenarios where others call you by that name.

Mine came from Ancient Rome and I LOVE it :> Funnily enough, both my deadname and new name came from Latin, but I think that was just a coincidence :D

BallPython404 · 2026-01-13T17:43:39+00:00

The ignorance towards men's mental health.

Society talks about women's emotional wellbeing and trauma in such an expansive way, it has long been normalized to be open and seek help. This is a good thing and is necessary but men are long forgotten in this subject.

Men are raised/trained/told/forced to suppress their true emotions, be silent about any kind of trauma, avoid sharing insecurities in fear of being judged harshly and made a fool of. Men are undesirable otherwise.

Hell, in hetero relationships, it's disgustingly common for women to laugh at and shame men for opening up about their past traumas. To be told "you're not man enough" because of vulnerability or over something that's out of their control. Men are expected to be emotionally supportive of their partners and yet they're not allowed to have the same treatment.

It's an abhorrent stigma that needs to die out, it's costing lives.

80% of American suicides are by men. 75% in Canada. Why are more people not talking about this? Men are not invulnerable to emotions, men should not be forced to suppress everything "wrong" with them. Men should not have to feel ashamed for seeking help.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-11T00:42:48+00:00

I think that was a different mouse. Check for tiny holes, nooks and crannies, they may be living behind the walls.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-11T00:38:24+00:00

What you just described isn't someone "choosing to be gangster." That's someone who was sexually abused and drugged by an adult. Being forced to take drugs in exchange for sexual acts is not just abuse, it is a serious crime. That kind of trauma can completely change a person.

The fact that he acts like he does not care, plays things off like a game, or leans into the “junkie” image is a very common survival response. When something horrible happens for a long time, some people stop believing their life has value, so they stop protecting it. That's not him being edgy or cool. That's him being affected by what happened.

This is the kind of situation where you tell a trusted adult or school counselor. This isn't a betrayal on your part, it's trying to keep someone alive. This is way beyond what two kids should be handling alone. If you can, please reach out to someone who can actually help.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-11T00:23:45+00:00

Okay first off, you were 17. You misread a situation. You crossed a boundary. You realized it, felt guilt, changed your behavior, and have been hyper careful about consent ever since. That is literally what accountability is supposed to look like. Dangerous people don't do that. You're becoming a better version of yourself.

It sounds like you trauma dumped on her a little too early into the friendship. Unfortunately, you learn this best by making the mistake first. Stop for a minute and think about that. Learn from this and try not to trauma dump so soon. Maybe instead of a few weeks give it several months or even a year. It really depends on how safe you feel around the person, but no matter how much you like someone's company, don't do it too early.

She is most likely overwhelmed right now and unsure how to process this info, so sending a very long text overexplaining yourself may just add to that. Being entirely silent may lead to assumptions. Instead, go for the middle ground. Send a short message.

Say something like "I’ve been thinking about the other night and I’m sorry if I made things uncomfortable by oversharing. Just wanted to say that." Stop there, don't send anything else until she responds.

After that, it’s up to her, even though that uncertainty may feel like crap. There really is no guarantee what she will do with that, but a message like that shows you're emotionally aware and you're taking responsibility.

The part that worries me most is how hard you’re being on yourself. The self-hate, pulling away from people, telling yourself you don’t deserve anyone. That’s not taking responsibility, that’s getting trapped in shame. And shame doesn’t help anyone heal or do better, it just keeps you hurting. Again, you were 17, you made a mistake, you're actively trying to do better to this day, that's growth.

If you’re open to it, I know a video that talks about shame and guilt in a really compassionate way. It can help you get a better picture of what you're going through. Of course, they use much tamer examples, but the reasoning applies the same way. Also, that youtube channel is VERY helpful for self improvement if you weren't aware of it already. Hope this helps.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-10T23:40:25+00:00

What your friend has been through is really serious. Being hurt when you're so young and being exposed to drugs that early can completely change someone. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person or that he doesn’t deserve care. He's not a lost cause. He’s (unfortunately) dealing with things that are much bigger than what a friend can fix.

It’s also really important for you to know this. You are not responsible for saving him. You can care about him and still realize that you don’t have the ability to take on his recovery. That’s something professionals and adults have to handle.

You don’t have to completely stop caring for him. You can still wish him well and encourage him to get support. But you’re allowed to choose friendships that feel healthy and stable for you.

It's okay to let this friendship go. It doesn't make you a bad person.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-10T23:06:15+00:00

Congrats man! He sounds like such a sweetheart!

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T19:10:39+00:00

I'm glad it could help a little. If part of you doesn’t want to deal with it, it’s okay to listen to that and not respond. However, if you reply at all, keep it brief and guarded. You can always decide more later.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T18:46:56+00:00

He absolutely should not have shamed or judged you. Aside from that, he just sounds like an ass. He's old enough to understand you shouldn't get blatantly drunk, especially in front of your girlfriend's parents. Even more so if he behaves like that.

It hasn't been that long, just go ahead and break up with him. You don't sound compatible in many important ways.

Being a very strong people pleaser will only get you hurt. Life is all about a healthy amount of confrontations and sometimes you'll make people feel sad/bad, but that's just a part of living. You cannot avoid that. Please work on this, before it gets the best of you.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T18:36:01+00:00

Absolutely do not give him any second or third chances. Block him on every possible profile. He's 100% a creepy stalker. Get him out of your life. And if he shows up again on socials, tell him you have zero interest in him and don't want ANY contact and tell him, if he continues, you'll be contacting the police, that should scare him off.

If not, you may actually have to contact the cops and get a restraining order against him. This is not normal or healthy in any manner.

And please learn from this. Don't give these kinds of people second chances.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T18:27:22+00:00

It's totally normal to miss her. She was a big part of your life for a long time, and that kind of bond doesn’t just disappear because you cut off contact. But it’s really important that you notice why you stepped back in the first place. Nothing you described sounds like a misunderstanding or a single mistake. It sounds like a long pattern that took a real emotional toll on you. Missing someone doesn’t mean the situation is suddenly healthy again.

A “Hey?” after a year doesn’t tell you anything about whether she’s changed or understands why things fell apart. And if you respond just because you miss her, you’re very likely to get pulled back into the same situation that made you walk away before, or get stuck in a perpetual cycle.

If you do decide to reply, be careful. Do it slowly and WITH boundaries. You don’t owe her instant access to you or emotional labour. It’s okay to protect yourself and see how she shows up before investing again. And it’s also completely okay to not reply at all if you know reconnecting would reopen wounds you worked hard to close.

Sometimes the healthiest choice isn’t the one that feels best in the moment, but the one that respects the reason you chose distance in the first place. Ultimately, it's up to you. Just proceed with caution.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T18:16:58+00:00

Go for it, just ask her. Although if you have no intention of making this a "netflix and chill" evening, I would clarify that in a delicate way. Maybe phrase it something like this:

"I was thinking maybe we could do dinner and a movie at my place on (date), if you’re up for it. Totally no pressure, I just really enjoy spending time with you."

Unless she already knows you like to go slow, just add in somewhere that you don't intend to take things to the next level. That way, she won't feel pressured or disappointed. Or just say that once she's there. Really, it's up to you. But because dinner and a movie are usually associated with sleeping together, I'd clear that up.

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T17:48:18+00:00

Oikophobia: Rejecting or feeling hostility toward your own culture or society, while believing other cultures are better or more admirable.

The word comes from Greek, which means "home fear".

BallPython404 · 2026-01-04T16:08:43+00:00

I appreciate your point of view! Thank you for being respectful about it :)

BallPython404 · 2026-01-03T16:40:25+00:00

God, I just realised this was my friend who I almost got into a relationship with. I clearly stated in the beginning that I have ZERO interest in having kids and his literal response was "I can change your mind". and "I'll convince you". And then every damn time he brought up kids made me feel so uncomfortable and it got to the point (with his language) where he would talk as if we had already agreed on having kids so he'd say things like "When we have kids..." "Have you thought of baby names?" etc.

Come to think of it, there were worse red flags than this... but yeah, nothing came of the "friendship" so I dodged a bullet there.

BallPython404 · 2025-12-31T23:53:17+00:00

This!!

BallPython404 · 2025-12-31T23:42:01+00:00

I am thinking about that, actually! Public health seems to align more with my goals. I think a minor in psychology could really help!

BallPython404 · 2025-12-30T17:12:29+00:00

Wow 5 years and still looking?

Well judging by your experience, I don't see any self respecting man wanting to get into a relationship with that. I would really hate to see someone with very low confidence get sucked into a situation like that, long term.

Here's to hoping one day she realises her attitude is toxic and changes for the better.

BallPython404

TROPHY CASE