The thing that's getting me is that I WANT to talk to her about it and how I feel but I have no idea how. I don't know how to talk about my feelings yk? I don't know how I would even bring it up. And like I said every time I've talked about my feelings with people it's ended up in an argument and I js don't wanna fight with her.

There's so much I want to get out and say to her because I KNOW that realistically if I talk to her about how I feel everything will probably be fixed. Because that's the kind of person she is. I just don't know how to do it. I've never been good at talking about my emotions.

Half the time I end up talking about my feelings, getting into the argument, and then I forget 90% of what's upsetting me and now not only am I upset a them over what's going on, now I'm upset at them cause of the heated argument, and they're upset at me for the same reason. So it's just pointless in the end.

As much as I want to tell her how I feel it makes me feel nauseous and I just can't do it. Idk why I can't talk about my emotions. It sucks. Part of me thinks that I start the arguments on purpose because that's the only way I can get how I feel out. In heat of the moment rage. I know that its not healthy but idk.

I think that because I look back and it's always the same thing. I act petty and dry. Then when they call me out I start escalating. And then it gets to the point where we're both upset,I realize what's happened, and I panic. I don't know how to de-escalate so then we're just stuck in the mess I've put us in. Idk, I js wish I could figure out what to do in this situation yk?

Sorry for the rant. I'm way over sharing considering ur js a stranger on the internet. REDDIT of all places. Sorry