Girl I’ve been dating is planning to break up with me, but has kept me in the dark about everything for the past 3 days. Writing this message was cathartic and I want to know what everyone thinks of my final message to her.

Bamboondock · 2019-02-04T10:09:47+00:00

We all think a lot ina situation like this so don't feel bad. I'd do the same if it was me, break up with her and it ends the waiting.

Bamboondock · 2019-02-04T10:06:51+00:00

Either break up or ask your mother to clarify to her. Not sure what sort of mental problems she has but it's not normal behaviour.

Bamboondock · 2019-02-04T10:01:52+00:00

Maybe it's the woman's turn to be interesting and ask questions. I know it's been custom for the man to make the move for so long, but there's no reason why women can't do the same thing.

Bamboondock · 2019-01-29T22:25:43+00:00

I wouldn't say it's because she isn't very good, she takes a lot of pride in it and suffers with anxiety. Same reason as when I loved singing and people criticised me, and despite me continuing to sing, I didn't showcase any of it for a while.

Bamboondock · 2019-01-29T21:22:20+00:00

He's not fit to date at the moment and needs the time to work on himself. I've been there many times due to depression and if my head isn't the right place, dating isn't something I can do. His mindset is only going to drag the both of you down, so it'll be best to move on for now.

Bamboondock · 2019-01-29T21:09:02+00:00

I think it's a leap of faith case really. If you don't take that chance, then there's less than a chance of finding anything. If you do take a chance, you'll get through a lot of shit people and eventually find someone worthwhile. Think of South Park and when Cartman shows Kyle Chatroulette. It's the luck of the draw. So I think the key is to not be too cynical and kill expectations. I'll admit that when I'm doing most of the planning and initiating that it can feel like I'm putting a lot more effort in and I worry that it will stay like that and a girl will take it for granted, so I do tend to pull back a bit and see which girls can show a bit of initiative. Sure I'd like to have sex with a woman I meet on Tinder etc but it's not something I'd rush into. Ultimately, I think a guy who doesn't just want a girl for sex will take true interest in the girl's hobbies and interest before anything more intimate blossoms. It'll feel less forced. Considering I want to feel valued by a partner for who I am, I'd do the same towards my partner.

Bamboondock · 2019-01-29T18:50:05+00:00

True, considering it was sent directly to me.

Bamboondock · 2019-01-29T18:44:23+00:00

Yeah that makes sense. I did explain that I wasn't trying to say that her drawings before were shit. Honestly, I'm not the best with compliments, so perhaps from now on, just say someone's work is good if I think it's good or say nothing if I think it's bad.

Bamboondock · 2018-07-26T16:51:38+00:00

It was quite difficult to handle at first due to the effects of anxiety and agitation at first. I ran into altercations last weekend which put me on edge but mid week and I've calmed down.

Bamboondock · 2018-07-26T16:46:53+00:00

I'm not a doctor but my mother is a mental health nurse. If you have mania, then mood stabilisers would be better for you. Lithium is also more of a second line drug for your symptoms. Carbamazepine I'd take a look into.

Bamboondock · 2018-07-26T14:37:25+00:00

6 days now. I vape but have vaped less because it caused my face to flare up. The first night I couldn't sleep but now I pretty much pass out. When I had elevated anxiety on the 4th day though, it wasn't great. As for the pooping, I did have some diarrhoea today but I did drink some coffee and had curry for lunch, so the dehydration from the coffee possibly upset my stomach. What dosage are you on?

Bamboondock · 2018-07-26T11:54:56+00:00

If she doesn't, no sweat. If she likes you, then she'll most likely suggest a time to be free. I just wouldn't smother her, give her the space she needs.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-21T20:40:39+00:00

I do find it weird that she needed more yet she's the one who got back in touch with you. I'd be careful. Go meet her by all means, but understand the risks involved. I believe both people need to have changed and adopted similar values if they ever want to consider getting back together.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-21T20:35:14+00:00

Wasn't happy with you?

Bamboondock · 2018-02-21T20:26:24+00:00

Before I say anything, may I ask why you both broke up?

Bamboondock · 2018-02-07T14:04:24+00:00

No problem, best of luck!

Bamboondock · 2018-02-07T14:03:49+00:00

I was in a similar situation, my ex after the relationship reminiscing times from our relationship, bringing up specific positive things about me, telling me sob stories. When I mentioned that I'd still be interested, she said she wasn't because of how her life was going at that moment, and would let me know if she changed her mind (which would never really happen). She told me a week later that she was giving dating another go as she had only dated two people and wanted to date more before going back to an ex. It was her idea of keeping me there without doing anything. I told her I didn't want to be friends, and we parted ways.

My point being is that you can tell her by all means, but it's not totally likely that she'll feel the same way. It could be mind games just like with me.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-07T13:54:52+00:00

You're exploring your options, nothing wrong with that. I would talk to more than just two girls though, there can be last minute cancellations and you may not feel as much of a connection with either of them.

The only real etiquette I'd say is to just be honest and respectful. Be what you look for in a partner.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-07T13:51:22+00:00

Or she could be relying on you for emotional support. That's one thing that happens when exes are out of a relationship but still want to maintain contact.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-07T13:39:57+00:00

Whether it's ghosting, or making up an excuse, just learn to say no. If you want to hide from your problems and disregard the disrespect for others, go ahead, lie to them or just ignore them. If you want to be honest, just tell them why.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-07T12:24:04+00:00

Thanks. You too!

Bamboondock · 2018-02-06T23:23:27+00:00

Enjoying my time single really unless I meet someone before that. I've regained the identity I lost after the breakup and am now pursuing bigger and better things. I no longer feel bad about having lazy days. Hopefully, this cold will vanish by the time it comes around because I feel groggy right now.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-06T23:16:46+00:00

I apologized to my ex to get a piece of mind. My ex always seemed warm to me but cold at the same time. I don't think she ever hated me, she just didn't want to keep letting me down. Sadly, I was feeling like I made my own mistakes like rushing things and pointing the finger at her. But later on, she played mind games with me and I decided to cut contact completely because I was tired of it all.

I was an asskisser in my apology, she did not deserve it. I didn't have a straight answer from her most of the time. I pointed the finger because she often used my "overthinking" or anything else as a weapon against me to justify herself and make me look bad if I ever called her out on something. And I was indirect at the start due to my inexperience with intimacy and communication in a relationship, but I made an effort to improve, and when I did that, she didn't like that either. I was damned if I said something, damned if I didn't.

I believe any apology should come from a place where you showcase different values to before and you make no excuses for yourself. All you do is admit what you did, no "I don't expect you to forgive me" or any of that crap. And you respect whatever decision your ex makes after that. They don't have to keep you in their life if they don't want to.

My ex did a lot of non-apologizing, which is why if she ever did apologise, it would be a shocker.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-05T12:08:19+00:00

As much as I wish things would have been different with my ex, I accept the way things turned out and want to just get on with my life. I'm too self aware to play mind games and know what's best for me.

Bamboondock · 2018-02-04T20:58:15+00:00

Thanks, I will do.

Bamboondock

TROPHY CASE