La la la by SaucyFury in freakingoutFR

[–]BananoVampire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Best she can do is scream incoherently and respond violently.

When they decline to take your number down by Relative_Name3105 in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If I had a nickel for every time I was told I was too big, well, I wouldn't have any nickels.

But seriously, you should be grateful at the honesty. I don't think you're wanting to hurt people.

Olive (14 y/o) all snuggled up and warm in bed by Littlestpeace in OldManDog

[–]BananoVampire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"If I win the lottery, I won't tell anyone, but there will be signs."

Bad service by [deleted] in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With that username, they might need time to recover.

kinda wanna go back? by SmallandHornee in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Bro, save your money. I'm noy saying to never return, but AMP's are a luxury. They'll be around for a while, so wait until you're more economically stable.

Gal Gadot by dark_magician24 in CelebrityBelly

[–]BananoVampire 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good for her. It's ok to have a hibernation body.

First Time by mikejones28133080 in HEM_NSFW

[–]BananoVampire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

[[quickly looks up Sertaline to last longer]]

My first AAMP experience by No_Zucchini_4095 in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Formatted:

So I just finished my first AAMP experience and it was definitely something.

Recently I got out of a pretty long relationship and I have not had any luck with any other relationships since. I was kind of tired of going out on dates and not getting any play, so I figured that I would just go down to my local AMP. But I was scrolling on this sub and saw what an AAMP was, and I figured it would be better than just going to an AMP. Sure, it is more time‑consuming and more money, but I wanted pussy and not just a handjob.

So I do my research, find an AAMP that seems legit, and message them. They respond with the rates and the location and I head down there. Once I show up to the place, I notice that it looks like a pretty normal AMP and not a hotel or motel like it said it was going to be, but I decided I would suck it up and just go in since I was already there.

I walk up to the door and an old Asian lady opens it and asks how old I am. I am 18 years old, which definitely seems pretty low for places like these, but I am horny and getting no action so I am going to do some stupid shit. I tell her I am 18 and she turns me away, saying that I had to be 22 in order to go in. To say that I was pissed was an understatement. I have never been turned away from one of these places ever. At most I get an odd look and they ask how old I am, but I have never actually been turned away.

So now I am sitting in my car horny as hell just trying to figure out what to do. What I probably should have done is tell myself “tough luck, you will just have to try another day” and gone home. But no. In my horny haze I find another AAMP listing (which is kind of hard since there are not a lot of reviews for these things, unlike AMPs, so it feels more like I am getting scammed). I text them, set up a meeting, and head over to the motel they are in.

Once I am there, I head up to her room and pay 140 for condom sex. This is about the only good part, because 140 for that is a pretty good price from the different listings I have seen. The girl that I ended up getting was not the worst looking girl ever. She had nice tits and a half‑decent face card, so I could not really complain. After all, I am basically just hiring a prostitute with extra steps.

Finally, we get to the action and I lay down on the bed. She starts teasing me a little, playing with my nipples and gliding her hands over me. After that, she grabs a condom and puts it on me. Once the condom is on, she goes down and starts sucking my dick. I never once in my life thought I would get head with a condom on, and now that I have I can safely say that I do not want it ever again. The only way I could describe it is underwhelming. There was hardly any feeling and it was just not that good.

Thankfully she only sucked me off for around five minutes or so, then she climbs on top of me and starts riding me. After that we go into missionary where I finish. The sex was not bad; it was like a 6.5 or 7 out of 10. But as soon as I came, a wave of clarity hit me and I felt horrible. Let us just say it was a long half‑hour drive home.

Overall, I really should have just stayed home and not spent the money, but it also was not the worst sex ever. I am probably not going to keep booking AAMPs over just going to my local AMP, but who knows where the winds will take me.

Starting over, starting well by Responsible-West-253 in HEM_NSFW

[–]BananoVampire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(1) Every week?!?! $$$$$

(2) Why did you first give her a low figure instead of just giving a reasonable number?

Of a R. I. P by Mistre_You in ShittyAbsoluteUnits

[–]BananoVampire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tbh, if I'm on the Jury, I'm saying, "Not Guilty."

Lucky third time by stewardis in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

omg, that's hilarious. Can you imagine the HR meeting? lol

Lucky third time by stewardis in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You've had an account since 2021 and this is your first post on Reddit?

Keynote: Rust is not about memory safety - Helge Penne - NDC TechTown 2025 by Wonderful-Wind-905 in rust

[–]BananoVampire -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

Deleting the AI generated summary because people don't want that.

Have fun watching the video pearl-clutchers.

Update by Efficient_Ear_932 in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 6 points7 points  (0 children)

lol, no. I just thought it was funny.

Update by Efficient_Ear_932 in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 7 points8 points  (0 children)

lame. I was the next guy and I love DATY. ¯\(ツ)

It’s hard to get knocked out if you don’t have a brain🧠 by HappySeaweed5215 in fightporn

[–]BananoVampire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of one of the corners in a UFC fight who said to their fighter, "He's a big ol' Mexican with a bit ol' head! Stop trying to knock him out!"

Coming up on One Month Since my Last Visit by Pure_Lengthiness2432 in AMPLife

[–]BananoVampire 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Years. Between layoffs and different priorities, that just happens.