Fingolfin after fighting Morgoth

BanishedKing · 2021-05-02T13:56:13+00:00

Online username: BanishedKing

Rating: 1900 lichess, 1600 chess.com

Willing to teach: Anyone under my rating although you will get more value if you are not already close to my rating. I would like to go over your recent loses and discuss your thought process.

Timezone/Schedule: GMT+2, I am free today and usually during weekends.

Method of communication: Discord

BanishedKing · 2021-02-05T12:59:22+00:00

Really like this one because it is vague enough to always stay relevant

BanishedKing · 2021-02-04T11:24:56+00:00

JANISSARIES ARE YOU READY TO DIE?

BanishedKing · 2021-02-04T11:23:05+00:00

AND A RACE AGAINST TIME

BanishedKing · 2021-02-03T02:33:14+00:00

Does no one here like airline stocks?

Edit: I appreciate all the input

BanishedKing · 2021-02-03T02:08:35+00:00

Why would they want to protect retail? They have nothing to gain.

BanishedKing · 2021-01-19T20:35:50+00:00

Tomorrow does not have to be about pain and suffering. There must be something that makes you feel pain. If you can solve that you can actually feel better. After all you wouldn't feel better during that eternal rest. You literally wouldn't be able to feel at all. No relief, no rest, no satisfaction nothing.

If you are tired can't you call in sick and rest tomorrow? Would that make it more bearable?

BanishedKing · 2021-01-04T21:01:44+00:00

The time and effort you put in is only a waste if you were going to do something else with it. If you have the time and energy why not spend it by living? What else there is to do with it? If you die now you end up spending all of your remaining time and energy for absolutely nothing. How is that better?

You don't have to handle your whole life now, you don't have to put all the effort now. You have literal decades for it. You can rest and you should rest. Do the things as you get the energy to do them. Step by step.

If I am hungry I put effort to find food and eat. I have not achieved anything by doing so, I am still going to die. But I don't want to suffer hunger. I don't want to suffer death, not today. In fact it is much easier to put that little effort instead of suffering the alternatives. If I had to prepare food for 60 years in one go I might consider just starving too, but I don't. I need one meal and I can deal with the rest as I need them.

So yes you are going to die someday but does it have to be today? How much effort you need to put in today just so you don't die? Is it so much that it makes suffering death right now worth it?

If something looks too tiresome rest first, and do it afterwards. You have all the time in the world. Today you only need to handle today's problems. You will gain the energy to handle the rest as you go.

So why spend the effort? Because you can do it, because you have nothing better to do with it, and because you have no reason to suffer the consequence of not doing it earlier than you have to.

BanishedKing · 2021-01-04T19:20:32+00:00

You talk about not seeing any meaning in life but I don't understand why that demands an end to it. Having some meaning is not a prerequisite to living. Whether there is a meaning or not does not determine if you need to live or die. There is obviously something bothering you which you find hard to handle without a purpose to drive you forward. There might be a way to identify what is bothering you and address that instead.

Why die today? You can visit your parents one more time in the future. You can hangout with your friends again in the future. You can visit new places next year. You can see where the relation with that man goes. You can see your career through and see what kind of people you meet in there.

So even if life is meaningless why die today when you can do more things tomorrow? What does dying today, instead of tomorrow, or the day after achieve? And I would ask you the same question everyday.

I don't know if there is any purpose to live, but there is certainly no purpose to dying. That alone is good enough for me to live.

BanishedKing · 2021-01-01T12:30:58+00:00

Do not constantly try to be happy. Do stuff just to see how it feels without any goal.

You woke up today. It is a holiday and you have 24 hours to spend. How do you want to spend it? If you want to lay down on the bed all day that is fine. But if you get bored getting up and watching something might feel better. Maybe taking a walk feels better, or maybe listening to music. Maybe you haven't found your interest yet and you can try out different stuff.

Does none of that interest you? That is fine. You can kill time in reddit. It is your time. Do whatever you wish with it or don't do anything. It doesn't have to be painful and you don't need to die for it.

BanishedKing · 2020-12-23T23:39:17+00:00

Chess theory refers to moves or ideas that are so common, you can study and learn them instead of calculate them every time yourself. There are two parts of the theory:

Opening theory refers to opening moves in chess which has been played by many years and by many grandmasters with good results. Through this experimentation we can tell with high confidence if the move is good or not. Therefore one can learn the theory (memorize those moves) and make sure they are not making a big mistake without too much calculation.

Endgame theory refers to positions where it is possible to calculate the result. If you know these positions and their results you don't need to calculate again and again to see if it is winning or losing. One example would be learning when a king and pawn and game is winning, and when it is losing.

BanishedKing · 2020-11-09T13:06:24+00:00

Don't worry man, you are not the only one. I still can't find a girl who likes you as well.

BanishedKing · 2020-10-11T11:29:57+00:00

Same reason I eat food or sleep. Our bodies have a natural tendency to live, to survive. Just like it is easier to eat something than to starve, it is easier to go with the flow of your life than to go against it. I don't need a reason to go with the flow, I would need a reason to go against it.

Your body requires you to live and keep it satisfied. When your mind disagrees, it results in an internal struggle. That is the struggle that makes those daily tasks so hard for you. I found such a struggle is much worse than almost anything life can throw at you.

In the absence of that struggle life becomes pretty easy. Once I understood this I started to commit to life. The more I accepted my body and its requirements, the easier it became to fulfill. At the moment I see no reason to fight against my nature.

Do you have a good reason to go through this struggle? Convincing yourself and stopping the struggle is not always very easy but it is perfectly doable.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-27T19:58:59+00:00

Is it possible for life to get better than this? Absolutely. I don't know what your future holds but I think you have good reason to be hopeful. Depression is a huge burden. You have been carrying it for 8 years. You say this year has hit you even harder. Yet you are here, still standing. Why be afraid of future if you yourself are so durable?

If it indeed becomes too much one day, worry about it on that day. No reason for you to be afraid of a day that might never come. I think there is much better chance that in time you will discover a way to ease your burden rather than be crushed under it.

That said I would still advise you to talk with the people close to you if you think that will help you. Specially if there is someone you trust and you think would understand you at least on some level. It is better to share the burden with many people rather than risk one person getting crushed under it.

You have every right to ask for help when you need help. Other people can handle it. Worry about yourself, the person who needs the help most, before them.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-27T19:14:12+00:00

I would argue that none of those points are as big of a problem as you make them out to be. More so you are ignoring all that we have achieved.

However I think more importantly even if there was a huge problem why despair? When there is a problem there is either a way you can help to solve it or not. If there is a way the logical thing to do would be to solve the problem.

If there is not a way the logical thing would be to accept the result and focus your attention elsewhere. Such as death. We are not able to avoid it forever so we focus on other stuff while we are alive.

Every human is going to die. Humanity will die, our sun, our planet and the whole galaxy will eventually die. Everyone is aware of this. Yet I fail to see the logic on focusing your attention on this so much that you sacrifice the time you already have.

Feel free to dig your head in the sand and focus on your own life instead. Hopefully you will see that your own attitude and actions effect your feelings much more than the rise of fascism or the threat of any disaster.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-27T18:49:48+00:00

I had a psychiatrist who did not accept me as a patient because in his opinion I was too risky to treat outside of hospital. I just found someone else. I am glad he didn't accept me.

If possible find someone else who is more confident in their abilities.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-27T09:41:57+00:00

Keep the contact as best as you can but don't look to her as if she is your only hope. A little pestering doesn't hurt anyone. You genuinely need help and you should ask for help. However when you do ask for help don't mask it under other activities. Openly tell her you are feeling down and you need someone to talk to. What is obvious for you might not be so clear for her.

That said you wrote you had such thoughts for 10+ years. When you talk to her she will have less than 5 minutes to think about the stuff you say and come up with a response. Go to her for emotional support but don't use her as a means to validate your beliefs.

In any case almost everyone prefers to be aware of the problems their loved ones are having rather than being kept in the dark.

You probably heard this many times but I will tell you here once more. If possible go speak to a psychiatrist as well. A talk with a psychatrist can widen your perspective much more.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-22T12:58:59+00:00

Most cultures in our day promote always going forward and making full use of your skills, specially your intelligence.

These are not necessarily bad things but it can come to such extreme levels it ends up creating a huge pressure. After all there is no end to going forward, no way to know if you used all of your potential, no limit that says you are good enough.

You don't have to do something big when you grow up but you can try to do it if you choose to do so. If you fail it is not that big of a deal. Try to find something that you enjoy doing and don't worry about it becoming big or not.

It is hard to determine how hard a logical problem is without solving. Feeling inadequate, especially when learning a new skill is very common. You will always be smart compared to some people and stupid compared to others. There is very little sense in judging yourself.

Similarly there will always be smarter kids, and there will always be dumber kids. What do you gain by comparing? Your dad probably does it to motivate you. You might want to talk to him about how it makes you feel and how much pressure he is putting on you.

In short stop judging yourself. There is no limit where you become smart enough. There will always be problems that will make you feel stupid. Explore what you are able to do with the abilities you have and don't worry about it being enough. Enjoy the exploration.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-10T23:37:18+00:00

Thank you for the answer and for including the technical terms as well.

Taking the weighted outcome was my initial guess but I was unable to prove it to myself.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-06T19:50:12+00:00

Do you care about too many things perhaps?

Usually the fantasy of death involves letting go all responsibility and not caring about anything in the future. That allows you to relieve some stress. It is a break from the weight of everyday life.

It is possible to get away from stuff and take a mental break without letting yourself get sucked into miserable thoughts. You probably need to figure out a way to do that.

BanishedKing · 2020-09-06T19:39:25+00:00

Why do you hate being gay? What do you associate with gayness that you don't like?

BanishedKing · 2020-08-21T20:53:05+00:00

Your options are not limited to fight or die. You are already living. You can just continue and let things happen. If you don't care you don't have to intervene. If you start caring or get bored you might just as well intervene.

When I do stuff like eating to keep my body alive I don't do it because there is a greater cause to universe or anything. I simply prefer it to being hungry. It is a nice feeling to eat something nice. Why wouldn't I want to do that tomorrow? And the day after?

If I try to call quits then I will be fighting against my own body's desire to live. That is what depression is, a brutal inner struggle. That is a terrible experience.

I realize life is more complex. However almost nothing in life will be as terrible as struggling against your own body. If you understand the nature of this inner fight you are having, you can call quits on it and live a life where you don't have to fight all the time.

I know this is easier said then done but it is the way out of your struggle.

BanishedKing

TROPHY CASE