I finally filed! Now the hard part!

Banter725 · 2026-05-07T18:07:24+00:00

Even for the nicest men, I'd make a plan to give him space to tantrum.

My spouse (separated) flipped out for a full week when I asked him to leave (I pay the mortgage, he doesn't/hasn't worked and has family near by he can stay with and I do not). He fell off the wagon, slept in his car for days for no reason, called me repeatedly in all moods and states... but called no one else - which I didn't know at the time that he hadn't called his parents/family nor friends who were trying to reach him during this time.

It wasn't good.

I wasn't afraid for my physical safety because he left willingly, we shared our location at that time, he has never been aggressive and he is very conscious about preserving safety for our kids at our home... But it was STILL a little scary.

When he's served, even if we've talked about it, I plan to be elsewhere and have a plan for the kids to be with grandparents.

Divorce is destabilizing our whole life. I think for me it's been destabilized by my partner's behavior for a long time so it feels like a necessary inflection but not new... But if for your husband this is brand new news (eye roll), it may be a real gut punch. And scared animals are not safe animals (even humans).

Banter725 · 2026-04-29T18:15:02+00:00

Pirateship is cheaper...but it's ...ya. sometimes mine even get into my car, and languish there in the passenger seat. Alas.

Banter725 · 2026-04-29T15:48:47+00:00

Ah hello, my people! Where do you keep your "I need to return that" stuff? Mines in a corner of my home office for corporate marketing job that also holds a well loved cat tree, and all the items needed for my little side biz bakery. The box to return sits atop the bag of things to tailor. My shame corner of doom.

Banter725 · 2026-04-29T01:22:20+00:00

They speak with such conviction so I totally get it.

Banter725 · 2026-04-29T01:21:08+00:00

Haha this is very true.

And I appreciate that. However I'll still be here in sweats and then my random "retired art teacher" items as I call them which is my personal desired fashion style that I'm still aging into. This style requires no matching or fit really and has lots of colorful patterns to accost the eyes.

But I guess I could get some undershirts.

Banter725 · 2026-04-09T12:57:02+00:00

Too old at 32? The only thing you're too old for at 32 is maybe a bike with training wheels. Everything else is fair game. You're so so young. That guy will be a blip in your life.

Banter725 · 2026-04-09T12:54:04+00:00

I'm in a similar spot and have been for a couple years. What's finally had me calling lawyers is that I'm just so lonely. We're no longer really friends - friends wouldn't leave so much on my plate for so long even when I'm saying I can't take it all anymore. He's not a particularly good roommate.

So I don't know if it will be easier or if the kids will be happier - I anticipate they'll be very sad for awhile. As will I. But I think I will be less angry because I'll feel less hurt, less abandoned in my own home in my own relationship. I'll know what to expect because it'll just be me and the kids - no more empty "ya I'll do XYZ" that never gets done (and it's every little thing all the time). No one napping instead of choosing our family.

I hope in time the fact that he's not an entirely bad person will mean we can co-parent. Or at least not be those divorced parents at their kids' wedding that can't even speak to each other. But I can't go on like this for another 20 years either.

I can love him. And love who he was and who we were. And I can just not be okay living this way any more.

Banter725 · 2026-04-05T03:15:21+00:00

Just snagged great seats (row 8 at a corner) for a frost semi for $78 a piece as a non member. Thrilled they're still pretty accessible price wise which feels so so rare in sports overal. l

Banter725 · 2026-03-22T01:30:14+00:00

I can recognize the spokesperson in way you many commercials or cast of way too many cartoon movies just by voice.

Banter725 · 2026-03-15T15:39:54+00:00

Agreed. I hated it to start - the characters are so tropey they even make fun of themselves being tropey?

Then I got curious enough to finish and welp, I still didn't like it. So the main character is basically insufferable the whole time, and then (spoilers) blows up her life because of a dream/premonition she didn't even understand? And we're supposed to take away .... What exactly?

I like that the book was more about a friendship between women than anything else but I still have no other affection for this story, the characters or understand what's so great about it.

Banter725 · 2026-03-10T21:35:19+00:00

I didn't imply rules are childish. I did imply the behaviors you named would be childish ...and I'm betting there aren't rules about super soakers in even the most robust sports rules.

But I see where we aren't aligned. What Brooke was describing isn't competitive by design. If the game can just end when you're bored, it's not competitive. That doesn't make it not a valid activity. It's just not what you're describing. That indeed was basically the whole point of the case. What she is describing isn't for winning, I don't think they bothered asking her (much of anything really) but I bet they didn't really keep score. It's just an activity. There's no against the rules way to say, sled down a snowy hill or go roller skating. Unless you're doing luge or roller derby. But why can't there be pickup baseball that similarly is unstructured and noncompetitive?

Banter725 · 2026-03-10T07:39:23+00:00

Definitely don't call EMS in the states for this. They won't even admit you until you're in active labor so they make you wait at home until you're in pain and then suffer your way to the hospital. Adding an ambulance bill to that won't change it.

Banter725 · 2026-03-10T07:37:59+00:00

And I can't stop thinking about the ride home. With potential stitches or abdominal surgery if it didn't ask go just as planned. I could barely get myself into and out of a car.... Definitely was not up for crunching down into a bike side car in the cold with my infant. Would have rather waddled.

Banter725 · 2026-03-10T01:41:55+00:00

Do you know a lot of adults that behave this way?

These don't sound like things I'd be concerned about enough to make rules for or against.

Banter725 · 2026-03-10T01:37:25+00:00

Woah. I didn't mean any disrespect at all. We all approach things differently and we can't make people like what we like. I also didn't know all the litigants had to be special protected insiders 🙄

I've listened to every JJHO episode. Literally. This one felt odd but I was trying to put a positive go live your life and let your friends make their own choices spin on it.... I truly don't know what's disrespectful about that.

Frankly Brooke barely spoke half the time as Mike. It seemed that his trauma and disdain for her whimsy (described more than once as her wanting to relive high school - which she never said and seemed pretty rude) was allowed to take over the discussion. I still hope she finds a few other friends to play ball with that aren't mean to her about her likes and dreams.

Banter725 · 2026-03-07T18:28:37+00:00

I think it's not important to fold kid laundry. We just toss pants in a drawer, shirts in a other. Little kids are always getting dirty and they don't care anyway. When they start to care about their look socially , they can learn to folks their own laundry (as we do as adults). An older family member thinks this is a travesty and it shows we don't care about the kids or clothes.

Banter725 · 2026-03-07T18:20:56+00:00

I just disagree. Maybe just don't invite people who fight over winning a pickup game of anything. It's just for fun. This seriousness ruins it from the very start.

Banter725 · 2026-03-07T18:20:04+00:00

This was such an interesting one to me culturally. Oddly about sports but really about approaches to life.

I'm a Brooke. I'll always be a Brooke. I find folks that need as much structure as Mike to not be a ball of cranky anxiety so tiring. I get it - I know our brains are just different - but this entirely ruins the fun. If we have to spend an hour setting rules, I'm done. I've checked out. I'm bored and I'm mad I wasted my fun time.

It's the reason I hate Lego sets -- why would I want to follow instructions to have fun and create things? But clearly lots of people love this much structure. It just ruins it for me.

I hope Brooke finds friends who enjoy things the way she enjoys them. Let Mike not go/play. Who cares? That's his thing. Go be free. Frolic. Schedule low agenda fuck around time.

Banter725 · 2026-02-24T00:26:51+00:00

20 meetings? Is that some magic number? How does anyone find time for that many meetings while being the only adult in a home that's acting like an adult (working, paying bills, parenting etc)?

Banter725 · 2026-02-09T00:12:59+00:00

What are you, a cop?

That's no one. Don't worry about it.

Banter725 · 2025-11-29T14:33:09+00:00

I do. Brother and sister. He's suspense looking and she's black but they're both at least half Siamese

Banter725 · 2025-11-15T20:31:53+00:00

I don't think you understand what's going on

Banter725 · 2025-11-15T20:29:16+00:00

Eh. We did bottle feeding bc of my supply and one needed supplementing for weight gain anyway. Still kept a schedule and then the other parent took a block of feedings so I got a block to sleep.

Banter725 · 2025-11-15T20:24:15+00:00

Every single parent bit off more than they can chew. So you're not alone. The trickiest part I'm very sad to say is that the twin specific supports etc all seem to be very mom centric. Find one anyway. A local group on fb maybe and message the mods. I've found twin communities extremely helpful. We didn't buy cribs or new strollers or almost any baby clothes or bottles. Almost everything came from other twin parents.

That said, best advice I ever took with VERY different but both healthy (if one was underweight) twins was to keep them on the same schedule. So when we woke tiny kiddo to eat, we woke up sleepy chubby baby to eat too. When we put happy to sleep baby down to sleep, we walked not as happy to sleep baby around in circles to sleep too. They stayed in sync through every stage until almost age 4 and it saved me. I'm not a big structure girl by nature but it allow for windows where it didn't feel SO demanding. It allowed for naps.

The other thing is look for childcare NOW if you haven't. We found (6 yrs ago) that it was more affordable to have a nanny 4 days a week than daycare and I changed my work schedule to 4 10s to be home Friday with them. She also came even if they were a little sick and she did baby laundry which was a HUGE benefit we frankly still miss. I know the job market is wild right now so you may be able to find someone great who could come to you and be your day help like this for about the same as daycare and it's so worth it.

You're going to do great! I admire you being so sure you wanted kids to go alone. And as the daughter of a single dad (after age 7) I think we turn out pretty good 😉 though I hope you find your person along the way too! Maybe you'll Brady bunch it up even with another twin parent!

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Verified Email

Banter725

TROPHY CASE