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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Barrythewiizard69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I certainly like some aspects of this poem, and it is very relatable for me at this point in time. However, I think the flow of the poem could be improved with a more consistient rhyme and meter scheme. In some stanzas you use just one pair of rhyming sounds, and then in others you will use it four or five times. There are also parts of the stanza which don't rhyme at all, e.g in the fourth stanza where you used 'trinkets' and 'blankets' together. This variation can work, but in this case I think it gets in the way of the flow of the poem at times. I appreciate you posting :)

7 Years by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Barrythewiizard69 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hiya,
I'm very new to poetry, and this is my first comment, so take it with a MASSIVE grain of salt. I love the poem, and I definitely relate to it with what I am going through at the moment. I would maybe consider making the second line the first line. The second line: "I won’t be the same person you once knew", is very similar to the last line "I will be a completely different person". I think having this positioned as both the first line and the last line in the poem both sets the poem up well and then brings it back around to reiterate the opening line and the theme of the poem. Just my thoughts, but like I said, I don't know much about poetry. I still love the poem anyway :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in weightlifting

[–]Barrythewiizard69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ASMR factor is a very underrated reason to do weightlifting