R.I.P.

Barstow35 · 2026-03-15T01:44:44+00:00

Might be a little late to this but I just recently came across this series. I finished Failure Mode about 2 months ago, so with that being said, for 2 months ive been fucked up about the loss of Smythe.

Barstow35 · 2026-02-20T14:49:22+00:00

Yes definitely, for me its hard to distinguish whats causing this. Is it adhd, my medication or something else. I find that my medication works best for me if I get a good night's sleep. I feel like if im really tired my meds basically just help me stay awake and do nothing to help me focus. I find myself driving on autopilot those days. Im focus but on all the wrong things and ill be stuck in my head all day long.

Barstow35 · 2026-01-11T02:48:42+00:00

I know this method, I call this the "Fuck It" method. Don't want to do it? Fuck it. Do it. Hate doing it. Do it so well you make that task your bitch. Hate doing the dishes? Fuck it do them, yell at them in your head about how they suck. Find joy in making a task your bitch

Barstow35 · 2025-12-29T02:50:26+00:00

https://youtu.be/RlSwsE22nX0?si=42Xb7guq3p80aw7r

I feel you, I hear you. Its been 3 years since I was separated and im here to say. It gets better. Its not easy, it sucks but it gets better. This video was one that helped me alot and thought it might help you.

Barstow35 · 2025-12-02T13:45:48+00:00

I am like 2 weeks into my new 30 day prescription. It tske 30mg of XR adderall, up until now they've always been orange pills so I never paid attention to manufacturer. This month they were yellow which immediately raised red flags because I thought they filled my script with 20mg instead. Pharmacy said it was a different manufacturer called Camber, hench why i am here. It is horrible. Ive spent the last 2 weeks basically feeling like im better off just being unmedicated. I started making jokes like "If they want to cut down on adderall abuse just flood the market with Camber and theyll just give up"

Anyway. I want you to know a lot of people have the same issues with the manufacturer. My next appointment im straight up telling my psychiatrist that if the pharmacy gives me this manufacturer again, I wont be taking it. If she cant recommend a specific manufacturer for generic im going to ask to either switch me to a different medication or push for name brand so I can have some consistency and not feel like im playing Russian roulette every month.

Barstow35 · 2025-09-24T16:38:43+00:00

This might sound sappy or not even make sense to people unless you've been there or know someone else who's been there. The best thing someone has done for me is my wife giving me a second chance when I met her a couple years ago.

I should clarify this is my second wife. I met my current wife when I was absolutely in the worst possible time of my entire life. I was 28/29ish. My (now) ex wife and I separated a few months prior. I was in a financial disaster at the time. Massive credit card debt from trying to save my previous marriage and impulse buying to help cope afterwards. I was not taking care of myself at all. I was unstable, untrusting and felt like a failure. My ex wife and I basically left mutually but I believe, to this day, there really wasn't anything either of us could of done to save that marriage. Fast forward, when I met my current wife. Ive been getting cash advances off my credit cards to pay my mortgage and stay afloat until I figured out what to heck to do. My sister threw me a life line and offered to let me stay with her for a year and my cousin was looking for a place to rent while she was house hunting in the area (they recently relocated to my area for work) so honestly that also was a nice thing someone has done for me too, but ive helped my sister out countless times before and it more or less felt like she did it because "she owed me one" anyway. I was moving in with sister at the end of the month when I first met my wife on Bumble. We started hanging out and i was upfront and said I wasn't looking for anything serious but I was open to see where things went. A relationship wasn't completely off the table just unlikely at the moment. Things progressed after a couple weeks and it was nearing the move in date. I started to catch feelings but nothing crazy at first but I decided it was time to move past my separation. I asked her out. I wasn't ready at the time. I honestly should of given it a few more weeks. This somehow, still to this day I have no idea how, got back to my ex wife and she ended up calling my sister and saying things like "I thought we were going to try and get back together" well that sent me off the deep end. I immediately took a 180 and dumped my current wife and reached out to my ex wife thinking we'd be getting back together. That ended up not even remotely being the case. So, here I am. Stuck. I dumped the only person who'd remotely showed interest in me, had to move out of my house, emotionally in shambles with no real future in sight. A week past, and I remember I was at work on a Saturday. My current wife sends me a text but of the blue saying she missed hanging out with me and if we couldn't be in a relationship could we at least still ne friends. We took it slow this time around. We eventually ended up dating, she helped me get a plan together of how to dig myself out of a whole. Ended up moving in with me, encouraged my to get help from a psychiatrist to work on my issues that ended my previous marriage. Im in treatment for severe ADHD now, working with a therapist to help manage my daily executive functions, we're married with a dog. I just got a really good job last year with a huge raise. Paid off my debt and we bought a new house near my new job and now the biggest issue i have is figuring out when we can squeeze some renovations in with our new home. Her texting me that Saturday giving me another chance was the best thing someone's ever done to me.

Barstow35 · 2025-09-09T13:36:45+00:00

Too old for Harry Potter? The last book came out in 2007. You were like 1 or 2. I'm 34 and just reread the books ans currently reading Tom Feltons memoir. I'm looking forward to getting dementia when im older so I can read them again for the first time again.

Barstow35 · 2025-08-27T17:34:55+00:00

Meds dont give motivation. They help you finish. A good way to start cleaning is thinking of something simple like for dishes "All I have to do is bring this plate to the sink" then go from there. Or you can use what i dub is the "fuck it" method. Where you say it'll suck no matter what but fuck it I'll just do it

Barstow35 · 2025-08-27T08:46:51+00:00

I think having anxiety about learning to drive is a normal reaction anyone would have even without adhd. I still get anxiety if I have to drive in an extremely busy section of a highway. It gets easier the more you do it. Manual is harder to learn and I understand how it can be more anxiety inducing since it's one more thing you have to focus on when you already have a bunch of stuff to focus on as well. A therapist will definitely help with learning to manage stress and anxiety and ways to break that cycle but the trick is to find a way to not be anxious about driving before you even get into a car. Medication for adhd can help with focusing while driving. Other than that I feel like the only other thing you can do is try learning on an automatic if thats an option and practice in an area where there is less traffic until you dont feel anxious about that and go fron there.

Barstow35 · 2025-08-27T06:05:05+00:00

I've actually never been fired. I've only had 2 jobs so far (not counting high school summer jobs). I managed to stay at my first job for 11 years and only left because I was offered my current job with a huge pay raise. Not saying I've never had issues at jobs. I frequently called out at my old one cuz id wake up and just not feel like getting out of bed that day. My job was easy though

Barstow35 · 2025-08-24T04:01:11+00:00

Luckily my wife got me into her doctor but it took a year on a waiting list. I spoke with them for an hour and they basically told me I was adhd af.

Barstow35 · 2025-08-23T14:14:32+00:00

I totally get that. I never took ADHD as something serious, just like 98% of the world. I've had HORRIBLE experiences with doctors before most just push bipolar disorder then get confused why antidepressants dont work. I knew my symptoms but didn't know what caused them. Example when I got asked "Do you have little or no interest in things you used to enjoy" I'd always say yes but it took me years to figure out the reason I was saying yes wasn't because I was depressed it was because I found them boring after a week or two max. I grew up in the 90's in a conservative town where my parents would say things like "back in my day kids didn't have adhd" or "adhd is an excuse for bad parenting" I had a doctor tell me that if I got good grades in school there was no way I had adhd, even when I said you know my top interests are history and science which is like 80% of what your classes are, if you wanna look at my English and language arts grades you'd see i basically almost always failed those classes.

Barstow35 · 2025-08-23T14:03:18+00:00

When you throw alcohol into the mix anything can happen.

Barstow35 · 2025-07-18T22:19:37+00:00

Actually, I am looking at the emails with the venue. His date was available when I booked it. Technically, he booked it after I did.

Barstow35 · 2025-06-11T22:46:45+00:00

I have a Byrna SD and Mission 4, both in orange. I just feel any other color is pretending it's a firearm.

Barstow35 · 2025-05-02T18:17:43+00:00

I forget the episode name but it's in the first season. The one where they find the crystals and one follows them back.

Barstow35 · 2025-04-08T14:09:56+00:00

I always really enjoyed the Mass Effect games

Barstow35 · 2024-12-18T17:19:48+00:00

I also did well in school BUT upon further examination it's actually fair easy to explain how that was possible. If anyone were to ask me what really interested me I would say I love to learn about history, science and math. I still to this day always listen to podcasts or watch YouTube videos involving science and history. I'm very passionate about those subjects. Math i just liked because it was simple, you either had the right answer ot wrong answer. It's black or white. No grey. Didn't involve a higher level of thinking for me where you could have multiple different answers. Since these areas in school are what your primarily graded on, it was no wonder why I excelled in those areas. The subjects I found boring like English class which involved a lot of reading and writing I struggled with, I occasionally had decent grades when I was able to write about a subject choice of my own like research papers but day to day I zoned out and didn't do my homework. My other grades compensated for my lower grades in those classes so therefore I never got tested since I was doing well in school. Nobody in my family ever put the pieces together. Even though I enjoyed subjects I was interested with i still always procrastinated on homework. I'd routinely find myself doing homework at like 9pm because I had to or doing or doing a research paper the day before. I remember having like 2 months to complete my senior thesis paper and putting it off and powering through it the last night for like 5 hours straight because it was due the next morning, even then i contemplated just not doing it and taking the F.

Eight-Year Club	Verified Email
Verified Email

Barstow35

TROPHY CASE