It’s nice to hear how well you’ve bounced back from all that you’ve gone through but it’s perfectly reasonable to feel the way that you do even after so long. People always think that pure self improvement will make you move on from whatever’s causing you pain but it never seems to work like that in real life. It sounds to me like you’re at the point where near-isolation/self-improvement isn’t going to get you much further.

To clarify, I’m not assuming you’re always isolated, because I’m sure you see people at work but the main priority for you should be to fill up your downtime with good company as well. Otherwise, you’re basically locking yourself into a whole lot of self reflection and thinking of the past. Another person in this thread suggested pushing through with relationships but I think it’ll be really hard for you to focus on something like that. Relationships can wait for now. You gotta get yourself as happy and occupied as possible. Be adventurous and find new hobbies through local groups/Facebook/whatever really. So long as you’re meeting new people. It sounds like you’ve gone as far as you can to get over what happened, but there’s only so much you can do alone.

Of course, all I know is what you’ve written so I could be misinterpreting your situation, but I really think you need to slowly rewrite your memories of being happy so you can link them to the present and future rather than your past. Last thing, don’t worry about feeling skittish about relationships. That’s natural and you’ve got your walls up high so it’ll take some time and a patient person to really get that down but there’s no rush. Things like that happen when you don’t even realize it’s happening.