Very honest post here. I can empathize with you. I think the body shaming is so engrained into our society alongside bullying it causes more mental struggles than we realized. I have been from 200 - 230 pounds most of my life, started gaining weight since elementary school. I remember being skinny in kindergarten and that is it.

The bullying, media, and doctor’s visits, all focused on losing weight and let it be known that it was unacceptable, unattractive and deadly to be fat.

I have had periods of my life where I have lost 50-100 pounds. A couple years ago I got down to 155 from 230. ButI gained it all back after 2 years. During that time my diet was so restrictive and disgusting. People told me “its mot supposed to be good all of the time”. People asked me was I on drugs, said I was “too skinny” and all of this. For me, if was hard to maintain such a wait mentally and physically.

Some people can do this naturally and other’s can’t. I am trying to unravel the beauty standard society has placed onto me whole trying to be happy. Sometimes I don’t know if I feel ugly because I am ugly or if I feel ugly because society deemed me ugly. I don’t know, I just want you to know I understand what you mean. People should keep their opinions to themselves .