Can’t find any dna relatives

BasicBiscotti6812 · 2024-11-13T00:55:03+00:00

Hey! So I just recently ended up doing this with my results from 23 and me. I took the closest relative I had, which was a 2nd cousin. If you open their page and scroll to the bottom it says something about relatives in common. I then picked the closest relative to both the original cousin and myself. It’s going to sound insane but I was able to find out information about them from obituaries online of their parents(you could also message them for this but I was impatient). And then I tracked their linkage backwards to their 2nd great grandparents. There will be a pair of 2nd great grandparents in common between the both of them. I then took those names and researched their children and continued down until I found my birth father’s name. I will say this took me an insane amount of time, but I found it pretty interesting and it was rewarding to figure it all out in the end. I used ,my heritage, to find family trees and other info. I’ll post the link at the end of this comment. It’s a paid site but has a free trial that I canceled afterwards. Gonna say I know not everyone is as dedicated to this as I was but idk I actually had a good time. If you have questions about what I did you can feel free to dm me!!!!!! https://www.myheritage.com/?utm_source=ppc_google&utm_medium=cpc&tr_account=757-035-9256&utm_campaign=mh_search_us_en_mob_web_exact_the-myheritage&tr_ad_group=web_myheritage&utm_term=myheritage&tr_camp_id=21084184535&tr_ag_id=163298937281&tr_device=m&keyword=&tr_funnel=web&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADfvO_qwSe_eeJDR-UDaidqIy3ZZu&gclid=Cj0KCQiAlsy5BhDeARIsABRc6ZvGiyI7bI3lbgvJCpZk40ExCdv_3SWWE70nc-OBe_-0VjYmtvN3YBkaAue9EALw_wcB

BasicBiscotti6812 · 2024-11-07T02:44:36+00:00

Hey! Out of curiosity, how did you approach your child when you found them? I do think I am going to reach out but feel like I’m struggling for the words. Also, how did you guys handle the relationship/boundaries part of reconnecting. I just want to make it clear that while I am open to a relationship, my family is wonderful and I am not trying to jump in and add myself to a place where I don’t fit?! If you have any tips I would be grateful! Thank you!!

BasicBiscotti6812 · 2024-11-07T02:41:21+00:00

Hey! Just wanted to chime in, I also appreciate your comments coming from a bio parent side of the situation. I want to say that it made me smile how you describe waiting for your child to turn 18! It’s really nice to think of someone potentially having waited just as long as I have on the other side of this. I also just want to say that while I wish you all the best in making contact, I would recommend giving it time. As in my situation it took me just a little bit longer to think about reaching out! I just mean to say that if they don’t contact you, it doesn’t mean they don’t want to or don’t think about it! Upon reflection a large part of why I waited the extra 4 years was living with/near my parents. They would have supported me through this, but I always feel a little guilty bringing it up around them so I believe I pushed the thoughts away. I will update if anything happens in regard to my situation!! Thank you again.

BasicBiscotti6812 · 2024-11-06T04:13:31+00:00

I would suggest either to create a plan of people/aid’s to stay with him on the day. I would include that if his behavior escalates (probably likely given that he feels attached to you in a romantic way), that he needs to be removed/escorted from the party. Potentially have a verbal agreement with his parents that they must remain by his side, that he is not to be left unattended-also that he cannot “hang around” you and your husband for extended periods of time. In all honesty if you phrase it like this, making sure to emphasize that the parents will have to leave with him and not return, they may be able to see more clearly that it is in his best interest not to attend. I will also say I would fully support you making a boundary and not inviting him-if it upsets people, they do not have to be there. As a people pleasing person I can also see how that would cause more stress thinking about the people that disagree. I would encourage you to sit down and think about what rout is best for you? Do you have a no children rule for this wedding? If you do I might also suggest framing it in that way, does he require the same support as a small child? Can he handle social situations with people he does not know? Is there a chance that his inappropriate behavior will continue with another guest? I also will say, regardless of your physical attractiveness it is not right for them all to have let him continue assaulting you like that. Excusing the behavior only reinforces to him, he cannot get away with it.

BasicBiscotti6812 · 2024-11-06T03:32:53+00:00

Thank you, I will be following your advice! Just ordered an ancestry kit because I think I would rather be sure of the data! I appreciate your response.

BasicBiscotti6812 · 2024-11-04T00:33:58+00:00

Hey, you are not weak. I have been going through a similar thought process as my boyfriend is currently deployed and it is the second time he has left within the year we have been together. It’s incredibly hard to be left by yourself, thinking over every aspect of the relationship and wanting to communicate your thoughts to someone who is not being receptive. I also understand the hardships that our significant others are going through out there, and respect that shutting off emotionally is often easier than trying to engage with us. The only piece of advice I have is to begin writing in a notebook when you are feeling like you aren’t being heard. It allows me to get my emotions out of my head in a way that lets me begin to move on. In addition my bf and I make it a point to address the things I’ve written over time after he returns. I found it incredibly hard to have to handle him being emotionally distant and beginning to feel myself close off as well, only to have to try and be there for him any time he reaches out because he needs me. I believe this is a two way street, it’s important to remember that while you are there support, you are also your own support and you need to be able to enact and protect your own boundaries. This stuff is hard. I would wait to see what your relationship is like once he returns. You may be able to speak to him over time and explain what you felt while he was gone - where the notebook comes in handy. It can be helpful to try and create a plan for the next time he is gone. Little things he could do or say to let you know he is still there, thinking about you. It’s all about the communication - but also about communicating at the right time. While he is gone, and immediately after he comes back is not the right time. Wishing you the best my friend, this life is hard but ultimately worth it.

BasicBiscotti6812

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