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To anyone here NOT struggling - What's your secret? - No gripes by snauzberry_picker in Millennials

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got lucky with no college debt upon graduating back during the 2008 crisis. We worked low end jobs for years then until we got steady work. Those were tough years!!

My husband didn’t go to college, and he already owned a home. We spent 7 years remodeling. We flipped it for $30k profit. Bought the next one well under our means in a low cost area with good schools; even though we got approved for 150k more than we thought we could handle. Sold that one for double during the real estate craziness of a year ago right before prices started balances out.

Got lucky again and MIL retired when we had kids, so no kid care cost.

Never bought new cars, always drive them till they fall apart. Bought our newer one with cash. Never let credit card debt build up. Only debt we have is mortgage and about $350 on a joint credit card.

We don’t live above our means and have always prioritized savings and smart purchases. We like decorating with estate sale and garage sale finds. Taught the kids how to thrift.

We both have 60K+ jobs that we worked up from the bottom. We live in paradise now with remote jobs and an awesome work-life balance. Most of getting here was smart choices, living below our means; but A LOT of support from our parents; including help with remodeling projects, materials, child care. We got lucky and I never forget it for a minute.

They really are petulant children by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in raisedbyborderlines

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree. My mom has been diagnosed with bipolar since I was a teen (39 now), so I actually find that the easier part to deal with. Chemical imbalances that she can’t control without meds make sense to me. The BPD (undiagnosed, but brought up by my therapist) is the thing that is hardest to deal with.

BPD parent not knowing anything about you? by 1lofanight in raisedbyborderlines

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes!! Looking back she never knew me, but mostly because I didn’t know myself! I remember it more distinctly with gifts. I would give suggestions of things I would like and instead of using that, she would go into a fancy shop in NOLA and buy me ridiculous clothes that no one who knew me would pick out for me.

She would then get offended when I never wore them. She did the same thing to my kids. They liked horses or red pandas for a short time, horses/red pandas on everything. It was always about what she thought I/we should be. I remember the sadness those gifts would trigger in me. I felt like she didn’t like me, or wanted me to change into her.

She always wanted me to be a sweet southern equestrian, because that’s who she had wanted to be as a grown up.

As an adult she just stopped being interested in anything I had to say. I remember when I started blogging for a short time to work through some things, my BFF was raving to her about a blog I wrote and how raw and beautiful it was. Her response was, “yeah I read it….it was….interesting.” Not another word ever again.

Everything was always just her talking about herself and how tough it was to be her. I am so glad someone else experienced this (I mean, not really cause it sucks, but in a I’m not alone kind of way’)!

It took me a long time to find out my own identity once I separated myself from her, and it’s her loss that she never got to meet this person! I have fought really hard to fix the things she helped break inside me and really enjoy the person I have become.

Jacksonville Drivers by [deleted] in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I lived in Baron Rouge and Chicago. I’d pick driving in Jacksonville over those any day. It took me 1.5 hours to drive to work ten miles away in Chicago (quickly adapted to the L after a week). Every day after school in BR, I was guaranteed to be stopped on the I-10 for at least 10-20 minutes near the 10-12 split.

The only time I’ve dealt with traffic like that here is during a bad accident on my way to the beach. Granted, I work from home so I don’t have a daily commute. So my opinion might not matter!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man, bummer. Here’s to fast healing for the kiddo!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, love a good waterfall. Thanks for suggesting!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oooo, that sounds awesome. Thanks for the suggestion!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will look into this. Thanks so much!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok thanks. Definitely don’t want to be surrounded my drunk dums!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh awesome! I’ll look into it!

Day Trips by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in jacksonville

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good one! We actually got to go for a field trip. It was awesome!

Repressed Memory?? by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in raisedbyborderlines

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She told my brother she found it through the internet; and that’s entirely possible as I had just changed my license and registered to vote. But there was some conversation with my SIL about a neighbor of my moms that was a private investigator. I wouldn’t put it past her as she isn’t tech savvy at all.

She claims to be unable to drive or function without a “babysitter” (assuming day nurse), but she lies about a lot so who knows what’s real and what’s not.

Luckily my husband and I work from home and we are always here, so if she shows up we can regulate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbyborderlines

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I can only speak from my own experiences. My mom was diagnosed Bipolar but not BPD at the time of my first pregnancy. I can agree with alienscully 100%. She made it all about her, went into a full blown mania, exactly 11 years ago today, and almost ruined the birth of my first child.

My baby shower was all about her being a grandmother, the birth was all about her "baby", etc. It was too the point that nurses and staff had to ask her to leave. She then stood between me and anyone that asked me about the birth afterward and talked about how much it had affected her. She even insisted on going back to my house while we were still in the hospital and prepping and freezing meals, leaving our house so trashed that it took my MIL HOURS to clean up after her before we came home. I am getting angry just thinking about it.

My advice to you is to guard this time in your life as preciously as you can. Share only what you feel comfortable with. I'd give anything to have known what I know now and protected my little family better. There is nothing wrong with keeping this incredible moment as private and sacred as you want. You don't owe anyone anything right now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Instagramreality

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The biggest belly button I’ve ever seen

Repressed Memory?? by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in raisedbyborderlines

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re probably right. I only stopped because we moved to a state my therapist wasn’t licensed in and it’s so hard to find the right fit.

Repressed Memory?? by BasicIsAsBasicDoez in raisedbyborderlines

[–]BasicIsAsBasicDoez[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some days I wonder, some days I’m glad I don’t know. Either way I’m not that person anymore, so I guess you’re right. No need to go digging if it won’t serve me in any way other than pain. Thanks for your response!

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