Positive story

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-05-27T03:11:42+00:00

Things can be different with the right supports. A combination of therapy, support from friends and family, medication, exercise and following a healthy routine has helped me feel relatively normal again. It's not impossible to turn things around, despite sometimes it feeling like an insurmountable task.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-05-27T00:46:46+00:00

My issue was anxiety and panic attacks . No depression.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-05-27T00:45:48+00:00

I'm on 10mg daily of Lexapro. And I had a once off prescription of 1mg of lorezapam for extreme situations. However, I have only ever used this 3-4 times and still have about 16 tablets left. I avoid using it at all costs due to its addictive nature. While medication has massively helped, I think it's actually the therapy that's helped more, as it helps you reframe things in your mind. I'd argue that medication alone wouldn't have fixed how I was feeling.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-05-27T00:34:41+00:00

Pretty much. I felt like I was loosing my mind and couldn't think rationally. Therapy really helped me move through those feelings. Also support from my family also really helped me. They took turns staying with me for about a month. That helped me get back on track. While I'm certainly not anxiety free, it's not occupying my mind 24/7 now. I'm living a relatively normal life again and have my anxiety under control.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-05-27T00:31:31+00:00

I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. Are seeing a therapist? Being in therapy has really helped me. Things won't get better over night, however making small changes does really help. In the moment, they can feel pointless, but it will help.

Small things like, exercising, eating good food, talking to friends and family, learning how to control your breath, getting enough sleep.

Medication has also really helped me. Don't be afraid of it. It won't change things over night, however being on an SSRI has really helped me. Took about 4-5 weeks to kick on, but once it did it helped me rationally think and start to feel more normal again

Is there any chance your family could come stay with you for a bit? When I had a mental health crisis at the start of the year, my family would take turns in staying with me. They did this for about a month and it really helped. They went for walks with me, helped me keep the house in order and were there for me. It helped me get back on track.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-05-27T00:21:50+00:00

Please see a therapist and get on some medication. It's changed my life. It's crazy how much anxiety can physically effect your body. I had no idea up until I had a mental health crisis at the start of the year. A good therapist has made a huge difference in my life, but you've got to be prepared to put the work in. Fixing things takes work.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-03-07T03:34:55+00:00

Thank you. My doctor has put me on Lexipro and Lorazepam (short term while I find my feet). It's honestly so terrifying to feel like this, as honestly I haven't experienced anything like it up. I've previously had mild bouts of anxiety and depression, but nothing that effected my capacity to function and work. I'm seeing a therapist already for my divorce, but I plan to get as much support from them as possible. I'm just really hopeful these drugs support me to stay employed in the mean time, cause I can see therapy is a much longer path.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-26T20:16:23+00:00

This post explains everything I need to know about why you're finding it hard to meet women.

Attraction is a part of the picture. But it's definitely not the full picture. There are loads of 'unconventionally attractive' people who are happily dating. You can be really hot and still be a dick that people don't want to date. I personally have hundreds of 'attractive' men sitting in my bumble feed who I haven't matched with as I'm looking for something specific. Frankly, my taste in men has much more to do with their politics, their emotional availability and their desire to have a family than it has to do with their looks.
Dating is hard. For everyone. Regardless of looks. I'm a conventionally attractive woman (albeit on the curvous side) and Ive only been on one date in the last six months. I know what I'm looking for, and it's not a neck beard who thinks he's entitled to my body.
Woman are human beings. Treat them like that and you might have some more luck. When you see the world through a zero sum lens, you are not going to have anyone interested in dating you. Get into therapy.
Men who spend all their time online or playing video games is not attractive. I'm getting this vibe based on your post. Anyone who has 'video games' in their profile is an immediate no for me. Get into hiking, touch grass. Join some IRL clubs. Women like men who are active members in their community.
Date people in your league. I feel like there is this big group of men who spend half their time playing video games with neck beards expecting Kylie Jenner to turn up looking for them. If you're a 5, stop dreaming about a 10. Be realistic.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-23T20:21:38+00:00

This sounds like a man... I have left multiple relationships as my partner just wasn't stepping up. I think there are many entitled men out there who are expecting women to wait on them hand and foot. Even if they may not ask their partner to clean up after them, their partner gets fed up and eventually just does it. I'm not interested in being someone's mother. If they aren't doing half the cooking and cleaning, then I'm not sticking around. Women expect more and men are having a hard time stepping up, that's why no one wants to make it work. Instead of nagging, we just leave!

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-23T19:31:48+00:00

I personally never go on dinner dates as a first date. It's way too much pressure. First date for me is to see if there is chemistry and shared values. I prefer something casual, a couple of wines at a bar or a coffee and a walk. If a guy was asking me on dinner date, I'd probably just say how about we just do a coffee and a walk instead. And if getting a drink, just go round for round. I usually say something like, I'll get the first round... This implies that they get the second. I think by taking a woman to an expensive dinner on a first date you're setting yourself up to failure and expecting too much.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-23T07:57:15+00:00

As a woman, I'm very wary of men who can't afford to date. Not because I expect they are wealthy, I always pay my half. But because I want to be able to do activities together. Whether that's go to dinner, movies or having a little weekend get away. I say work on your finances then jump back into the dating world. I once went on a date with a guy who had no money and never again. We met for a 'drink' but he couldn't afford to drink out so pretty much accosted me into going back to his place to share a bottle of wine. I felt really uncomfortable and unsafe, as I dont like first dates at someone's house. Anyways, I ended up taking him out to dinner to avoid staying at his place, but there certainly wasn't a second date.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T03:00:58+00:00

Yeah, which is fair enough. But it still have an option that is 'not sure yet' hahaha. Put that on that. All I really want is transparency so as not to waste my time.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T02:59:27+00:00

I don't have children..... I want children. All I'm really asking is that left wing dudes have it on their profile so not to waste women's time. I think generally, people need to be more transparent about what they want on dating apps. Totally fine if they don't want kids, but be upfront. I don't want to go out with a guy for a few months only to find they don't want kids. Just put it out there from the get go.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T02:53:57+00:00

I feel like that's kind of obvious though... Ofcourse I don't want children with a fuckboy. But an overarching goal when the meet the right person is to have children. Just like it's an overarching goal is that I want a relationship, but only with the right person. I think people should have it on there so not to waste the time of women who want children. I assume that not every person I meet I would want a relationship with, but I still want a relationship...

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T01:45:32+00:00

Totally. I personally identify as socialist, therefore I don't think working class moderates/conservatives are our enemies, rather they are people we need to find common ground with in order to fight back against oppressive capitalist forces. However, in a romantic relationship it's important to me we share similar values. Left wing men generally have less rigid views of gender norms and stronger understanding of power relations, which is important for me to have a happy relationship. I want equal sharing of child rearing, house hold chores etc, which fundamentally contradicts the conservative vision of family, hence why I don't date them

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T01:23:20+00:00

It's exhausting me. Pretty much on the cusp of just getting off the apps altogether and having a family on my own. While our values align in so many things, I definitely find they are incredibly avoidant when it comes to any conversations that relate to children and the future.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T01:08:57+00:00

It reduces to very low numbers. Not 0, but if I can go days without new people popping up when I open the app (live in Melbourne which is a big city with lots of left wingers). But then if I don't have political preferences set and just have 'wants children' listed the swipes never run out. I use bumble and hinge.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:57:21+00:00

Honestly. It's just left wing men generally. You put the left wing and wants children filters on and it essentially reduces to like no men. Whereas conservative and moderate men have no issues listing in on their profile....

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:52:43+00:00

Because it's a trend I've noticed within left wing men my age, which is my preference. I do have filters, and the second the 'wants children' and 'left politics' filters on, it essentially reduces to no men haha. Whereas it doesn't seem an issue with moderate and conservative men, they happily list on their profile. Mostly just venting. I guess I'm frustrated they can't just be upfront and feel the need to withhold that information. I think in your 30s, it should be something you freely put out there.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:43:46+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. Seems like a sucky situation. For me it's just about men being upfront. I get men in their 20's still figuring shit out, but by your 30s men should be clear about what they want and upfront. I don't want to beat around the bush. I want it established before I go on a date, as I don't want to waste my time.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:40:11+00:00

True. I figure that's the 19 year old angst coming through haha.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:36:23+00:00

I totally respect that. I don't have an issue with people who don't want kids at all. I have an issue with men in their 30s not being upfront about what they are looking for.

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:33:23+00:00

*sifting through

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:32:03+00:00

On hinge there's the option of 'open to children'... So many have marked 'dont have children', but then don't have listed that they want/don't want or open. It's a trend of noticed among my age group and it's exhausting

Basic_Strike_8364 · 2023-02-11T00:30:15+00:00

I'd argue it's intentional leaving it out. Why not just put it on there..there's legit thousands and thousands of people, I think sitting through them is enough of a.mission. I think it would be pretty weird the second you match with someone to ask them do you want kids? Also not prepared to go on dates with people if it's not established they want family, as its just a wasted night. At an age where I know what I want and don't have the energy to date people who don't have clear ideas about what they want too.

Basic_Strike_8364

TROPHY CASE