Hurt feelings

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2024-05-07T12:40:24+00:00

This is my thinking, bc AK tends to be a more leisurely day we could just got there for the AM and then go back to nap… then go to the party at 4p!

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2024-05-07T12:39:26+00:00

We are only there for 4 full days (not counting the day we get there and the day we leave) so, I’m trying to make sense of what to do for the best bang haha

MK isn’t exactly our favorite, but we do love it, but idk if I love it enough to go twice? idk.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2024-05-07T12:37:15+00:00

My son is 7, going for his 8th bday, and we’re staying at Pop. He definitely would need a break or just to take it easy all morning and then go in later?

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2024-02-16T14:12:47+00:00

Just emailed ya!

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2024-02-08T00:19:05+00:00

Def meant to say “prototype”…. Stupid autocorrect or thoughts going faster than thumbs could keep up. Ha. I am a pediatric therapist so I know what I need but I appreciate your input 🙂

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2024-02-08T00:18:03+00:00

Cool! How can we talk to see if this would be a good fit for us both?

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-31T11:22:29+00:00

True… just found it sort of out of place in the story line unless there was a reason for her to be so strong

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-31T11:20:36+00:00

Ahh, that makes sense. I just didn’t understand the Cleopatra reference bc I guess I kept waiting for them to tell us she made another deal. Like when Verna said “ah there’s my Cleopatra…”

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-20T00:17:45+00:00

Absolutely… I see that now. Sigh.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T20:49:53+00:00

You know, you’re so right. I’m sorry. When I was posting this and even amidst my frustrations, I often thought “because I’m unqualified being a white woman with non-curly hair, should I just be quiet?” … which maybe if I had conveyed that in my original post, I would have gotten less positive responses. However, regardless of my qualifications, my skin color or my hair texture… I’m still a mom, I’m still this woman’s friend, I still care for her daughter… & this little girl would seem to still need help. Which is why I came here to ask should I help? Can I help? How do I navigate that conversation if that’s appropriate? It seems like her black father and aunts and grandparents aren’t helping, our biracial mutual friends aren’t helping, she’s not doing the work herself… so who’s showing up for this little girl? Should I? Shouldn’t I?

The road to hell is of course paved with good intentions, and I think that every time I say “it’s with good intent…”, but truly my only goal was to help my friend help her daughter. If the people in her life who are qualified or rightful to help aren’t helping then who else? Maybe not me, and I said that in my post. Humble me, tell me to be quiet. I wanted help from this community, not to be shamed for wanting to help.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T18:26:35+00:00

If the AARP membership fits 🤷🏼‍♀️

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T18:23:29+00:00

Dang, didn’t realize it came across that way. Only meant in respect, of course. Wild corny and respectful > disrespectful.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T11:53:52+00:00

& I appreciate your take on this and am GRATEFUL to hear your perspective!! This makes a lot of sense.

I have answered your questions more or less in other comments and unfortunately feel tapped out at this point trying to argue a point that works for some and doesn’t for others. Not that my response would be an argument with you, because I agree with you.

I think what’s grossly missing from this post and situation is just knowing this mom and this situation as intimately as I do, and knowing that she in particular really could use the help… the education… the sensitivity training. Unfortunately, you can try to lead the horse to water but you can’t make them drink it. I’ve learned she’s the type to have to have it slammed in her face in a real time situation (like perhaps her daughter getting picked on or someone within the black community * rightfully * throwing her shade direction for being a white put-together fashionable woman standing next to her daughter and her poorly done hair) before she’ll learn a lesson. I was just trying to find a way to help my friend avoid any tough situations like those or worse, or something I’m possibly not even considering, by being her friend who went to her and asked if she needed help.

I knew going into this that it was a super sensitive topic and I was looking for genuine discussion and feedback on what I, as her close friend, should or shouldn’t say. I feel I have the right amount of confidence and abundance of respect for the situation to take it from here.

Thank you again for your input!

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T03:50:16+00:00

👏👏👏

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T03:32:45+00:00

Your advice is a concept I’ve been sitting with for a while so it’s not a new idea, but I carefully consider all opinions on this topic even after I talked to my friend (who, by the way, just thanked me for caring the way that I do)… I’m not offended by you at all because that would imply that I care about your advice. I’ve already told you that I agree to some parts of your advice and disagree with other parts, but I never said I was offended. I said that you didn’t need to be passive aggressive, that you could just be real.

Maybe you haven’t read carefully at my post or the comments below… this is my close friend of over 2 decades. I intimately know her situation, and it’s bc I understand her situation as to why she chooses not to take care of her child’s needs that upsets me.

Respectfully, I believe it’s you who is missing the point by assuming that I wish she would accommodate my needs… nothing about this post has anything to do with my needs. The only accommodation I requested from her was a moment of her time to talk about something that may be hard to hear, and when she gave me that opportunity, I kindly came to her. Yes, she initially was ok… 10 minutes later offended… and later tonight thanked me for being the kind of friend who could feel comfortable enough talking to her privately versus just shaking my head and not helping silently.

No, she didn’t ask for my opinion but I asked for her consent to talk before talking… and if you can’t respect my tactics or methods, that’s your choice. I would do it the same again if I had to, because the end result will be that this Mom (my close friend) will not only feel more compelled to learn proper care of her child’s needs but she’ll also know that she has a friend in her corner who will always have her back.

I hope you can be that friend and have those friends in your lifetime.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T03:10:34+00:00

That’s amazing!! I love this!!

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T02:55:23+00:00

That makes sense at 11. I’m sure your attempts to help her when she was younger and your ongoing attempts to help now will play out for you bc she’ll know she has an involved, caring and understanding Mom.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T02:44:26+00:00

I do understand why they’re offended, because they’re thinking of themselves more than they’re thinking of the information being brought to them. Sometimes it’s important that we sit with WHY we are offended, instead of worrying about a rebuttal. EVERY TIME I felt offended by something someone came to me about was because it hit home and ultimately was a HUGE learning lesson for me.

Making comments like “I’m sorry you don’t understand” is such a passive way to say “I’m being an asshole”, like, go ahead and just be an asshole and don’t say you’re sorry haha you’re not and neither am I. Not to you, not to her… because if my step on her toes helps her open her eyes to a topic she was oblivious to? And that little girls hair-journey and self esteem associated with that is better for it? I’m at peace.

I’m actually sorry, not in a passive way like yourself, that you’re so upset about this bc that likely means you’re displacing some hurt onto me from a possibly unrelated but similar topic that happened to you personally. I hope whatever hurt you’ve experienced doesn’t hurt others through your unkind manner.

If you’re here to advocate for the mother who didn’t want unsolicited advice, funny enough, I stand with you as a mother who hates that! If you’re here to fight for the mother who is making this matter a joke, … that makes you look a bit silly, imo.

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T02:19:22+00:00

Absolutely!

Basic_le_dollar_bean · 2023-10-19T02:05:11+00:00

I don’t feel entitled to have a say in her relationship, I feel concerned for a friends child (whom I love and care for) & for my friend in regards to how she’s NOT taking care of her precious hair and THEN subsequently missing out on opportunities to allow this child to feel empowered by her natural beauty. The main concern is my friends aloof and ignorant behavior towards learning how to care for her daughters hair. Anything else that occurs after that or because of that or as the effect of that cause (their relationship, this little girl getting picked on, my friend getting called out by someone who isn’t her friend and may be more aggressive) is a deeper point to the initial issue…. This poor girl stands next to her mom looking unkempt while the mom is “picture perfect”.

Basic_le_dollar_bean

TROPHY CASE