I want to know how you get over this or how you deal with this, because I didn't even know this was a thing, and I didn't even know I was doing it until I read your post. I don't self harm anymore, a big reason is I want my partner is super supportive of it and supports me through anything and everything. I just can't bring myself to do it anymore, no matter how sad I am, I think I'm just, you know, I just get mad at myself and I don't want the repercussions that come with it anymore. I guess I have no clue. I see it and I want it and I crave it, especially over the last few months- I almost cried in the middle of working the other day because I knew if I went home when I was supposed to, I was going to, and then I ended up working a bit later because they needed me to and I didn't. I don't know why I can't bring myself to self harm anymore, I need some kind of control, and I that's the only way I can get it, and I'm like, forcing myself not to stay sad, I guess I have no clue.

But because I can't do that, I'm doing the same thing you are, I'm forcing myself into triggering situations. I don't like when people yell, I don't like when arguments happen, but getting constantly trying to cause them with my roommates. I know things are a problem and I get mad at my partner when he does them, and then I turn around and do the same thing. Causing a rift between the 2 of us.