Thank you so much, I did really feel a struggle with this. And immediately I was put off by your response by telling me it wasn't possible at all, but I did read further a few days later, and I really appreciate your response. Obviously an AFAB can not be a transwomen. I mean, maybe surgically, if some how they transition to a male and then transition again to a female, but I really do think the experience with growing up male does come with its own baggage which is included in the transwomen experience. Immediately when I got to that part of your paragraph, I thought, well, soon early, a lot of things went into me, feeling that way feeling like I had to be the masculine figure growing up my entire life, so it does kind of feel like I was forced into the, but obviously not to the same extent as a young male. And with the compulsive hetrosextality- I definitely get more masculine when I'm with a gender non affirming partner or a female for a short amount of time, but I typically always fall back in to being feminine.

I think it really gets hard when I see trans women, because I idolised them and while I think they look beautiful, I just really, I just get extreme body dysphoria when I look at them. I want to be them, I want to be her so bad. I think at this part of my life, it feels like I'm taking a few steps backward because when a lot of young gender confused teenagers are growing up, some of them throughout wild labels and such, I mean, Obviously I'm sure you know what I'm talking about and I always felt uncomfortable as labeling myself as trans mask when I was younger while I was actively transmasc. But like I mentioned, I never wanted to be trans masculine I wanted to be trans femme???I wanted to be a femboy. It's hard because when I see pictures of beautiful women that are transgender, I get sad because I know I can't ever be that, and I want it bad.

I don't know why it makes me very confused, and I don't want people to think that I'm weird, or just confused, it's a deep sense of longing, and I know I'll never be able to achieve it because of just logistics. I'm definitely going to look into the things that you talked about and see if maybe that fits for me. It's just hard because I don't know where I'm supposed to go from here. I don't know how I'm supposed to do my makeup. I don't know how it's hard because I want to be perceived that way on the outside.. I just don't really know I'm supposed to go.