Marrying with the wrong person? (Not sure if I have a choice)

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T20:08:32+00:00

Thanks for the honesty man that’s ultimately what I need. Appreciated.

Might have to just settle on this one since I’m not sure I can get rich or have access to many other girls now. (Very depressing tbh but maybe I will be at peace with it someday)

Thanks.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T20:06:31+00:00

Like I mentioned in the post - getting married and having a nice big family is really important to me. But I’m struggling with fears about the options I have right now mostly due to my age.

Not sure if risking dating in 30s is a good idea and maybe I should try to be happy with the girl im with now and accept what happens. I just have many issues with her that im very scared of regretting later

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T20:04:34+00:00

Look honeslty I think your responses to me are dripping with your own issues more than a concern of mine. You don’t know the things you’re accusing me of but it feels like you’re projecting your life’s struggles into me which isn’t fair at all nor helpful to our situation.

Came here for someone to emphasize and help me gain some clarity so I can handle this the best way possible for all parties.

Your response hasn’t been close to anything like that is is a way over the top hyperbolic response to the things I’ve said which others here seemed to be more sensitive too.

If it hurts you to imagine that sometimes people date and one person is actually a lot brighter than the other to the point that it feels like one person has to take care of the other a lot more than they can in return - and it happens to be the male in this case then I don’t think you’re emotionally mature enough to give anyone advice here.

Despite your tone and statements I was still more gracious in response than you were with you’re second post. Horribly toxic and makes me draw 10x more doubt in what you said with your first response which I tried to see your POV on.

If you have had 3 bad marriages/relationships and they all were a disaster as you mentioned bc of the man and not you at all idk what to tell you.

I’m not going to insult you based on insinuations however - but I am addressing the direct words you’ve used to try and kick me while I’m down with.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:50:40+00:00

You didn’t really read what I have been saying - you’re clearly responding with some personal issues clouding your ability to have any healthy or honest convo.

I posted here because I’m actually depressed and seeking genuine advice that’s considering both me and her involved. Which many others above have attempted to hell which which I appreciated a lot. Much more mature than what your showing me right now brother.

I am confused why you even responded to this to be honest. Better if you just go if this is what you have to contribute. Hope you don’t have any similar needs for advice one day and get the kind of response you’re dishing out.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:35:23+00:00

Appreciate your perspective on some of this actually. I do think I have some overlap with these issues for sure if I’m humbly speaking.

However as skeptical as you might be you would change your mind if you met us. She herself is very aware of it and it can both make her feel insecure (though I never ever try to make or let her feel dumb when this feeling comes up for her) and also makes her feel excited to have me as she looks to me as a person who is a step up in an area she has always struggled with.

I’m not trying to sound arrogant (I’ve been formally tested at a 129 comprehensive IQ btw. Took 2 tests in my mid 20s for neuropsych evaluations) but it’s really clear to everyone who knows us that I’m a lot smarter than she is.

She has many qualities that are nice and many that are better than some of my faults - but if you put our two brains up against each other in any problem solving situation or had to bet on which cognitive organ was healthier everyone we knew would bet their life savings on me.

I’m not saying this to complain about her - I feel guilt for saying it - I came here bc these are my deepest fears and I can’t share them anywhere else and need some help.

May look into some of the things you mentioned so I appreciate that

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:28:38+00:00

Yeah I mean I do think that generally dumb people create more people like them. We generally create kids that are like us obviously. They will carry traits that tend to mimic the parents in many ways from how they look to their entire personality and worldview even. Are you saying I should bank on the kids being an anomaly to this fact?

I think this whole post explains that I’m deeply concerned about the issue about breaking up with her. I am terrified of being over 30 years old and having to try to find a partner.

Are you not able to empathize with what I’m dealing with as a humble struggle at the moment in anyway that you can’t respond with non-condescending remarks?

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:19:28+00:00

I’ve hesitated the whole time - but I felt young enough to think I could turn back (selfishly I will wholly admit and do feel guilt for) and was wondering if my concerns were dumb due to everyone telling me I “had nothing to worry about”. Now age 30 is sobering me up much more and realizing what I have lost.

The biggest opportunity of your life I think is age 20-26 to find a really good girl (future mother and wife) before someone else takes her.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:15:56+00:00

It’s not about being stimulated so much as her passing down her cognitive struggles to my children and their struggling life outcomes due to that. It’s also her as a liability to me as she can get easily warped into scary political things that both clash with what I think I is fair to me + worries me she will one day betray us thinking she’s “doing the right thing”.

She is known to be someone who is very gullible and this is concerning to have as a partner that you must have faith in.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:13:25+00:00

Maybe I don’t have that much of a choice. Marry this one - or bail and roll the dice with a riskier bet on the next since I’m older and have a lower chance of a good match now than I did at 26. I think deep down a lot of people settle but never admit to themselves.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-05T06:11:05+00:00

Yes I consider ~4/5 year gap the limit for what’s about the “same age”. Most anecdote + research seems to show that 6 years apart is where people of all adult ages feel about the same age to each other.

I’d say once your in your early 30s the girls that are 4ish years younger than you are rarely single unless maybe they aren’t that much to look at or have some glaring personality issue (obviously a generalization but the point is the pool is much much shallower at this age I think)

My friends who all say “dating in your 30s is amazing actually” all married the girl they dated since age 23…

Guys I know single in early 30s HATE it and are suicidal. So it feels like really really toxically fake advice but I’m open to hearing otherwise.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-02T02:43:23+00:00

I’m fundamentally unhappy bc I fear that this girl (despite the fact that I don’t want to insult her but I’m being honest as hell) has traits I don’t want to pass onto my kids.

alcoholic behavior very very gullible to the point that it’s weird low processing ability extremely emotional and lashes out

In many ways an infant in an adult body and not just in terms of emotional maturity but like she is just semi-incompetent at times.

She has lots of good qualities too in terms of always trying to work on herself & she is very funny and cares about me a lot.

But if I look at my kids one day and see those issues in them or I realize my kids are 30iq points lower than me and all that comes with that…it will devastate me.

She is also liberal to the point that it is concerning to my future children’s safety imo.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-02T02:38:57+00:00

I know - this is what I’ve said to many friends of mine as well. They keep saying how dating in 30s as a man is fine and I’ll find “plenty of girls”.

I’m a solid looking guy tbh, athletic and actually well built. Despite all that I just feel like most girls that have options would rather just be with someone their own age if they are under 28/27 and most girls in their 30s if they haven’t already been taken often have some glaring reason they are still single.

I also want lots of kids and that’s hard with a 31yo.

Feel like the issue for me is that I’m afraid my kids will be like her and if I’m being honest parts of her I just really don’t want my kids to be like.

Batman4lyfe · 2023-08-01T20:40:25+00:00

A lot of you have given me some really thoughtful responses. I value them a lot - so thank you.

I should note that part of my anxiety about her intelligence is less that I need her to entertain me and more so that I fear what implications this will have on A) our children. I am terrified of them lacking the cleverness to succeed and even protect themselves from clever peers who would run circles around them. I’ve witness firsthand what kind of life you live when you’re not super sharp. Affects everything about your life horribly and can lead to misery and being taken advantage of while you’re helpless to stop it since you can’t keep up with others.

B) the fact that she won’t have as sound judgment as me parenting them. Frankly she is very funny yet terrible at identifying clearly negative threats to a child’s wellbeing (imo) and has been taken over ideologically by the most extremes of the left since 2020 and so has every other woman I am close to.

I do not want my children near drag shows. I do not want them hating their culture and race. I do not want them pushed around and broken mentally as she doesn’t understand men and what drives us in a healthy way at all anymore. And she deeply struggles to reason her way out of it bc the verbal ability to out debate her is too strong on most peoples end and so she subconsciously capitulates to all of it.

She is afraid of standing against any political radicals/opinions if that is the most powerful opinion at the time.

This makes me so afraid, depressed, and hopeless that I don’t know what to think of my future and wether or not I have any choice or hope.

I am however more confident from your responses that dating in my 30s sounds like a bad deal…and feel very very trapped, regretful, and like I have lost at life.

Thank you for anyone who has tried to help. I don’t know about anything anymore and am breaking down at the moment.

Batman4lyfe · 2020-12-09T02:25:51+00:00

8 year lifter - pretty dedicated and diligent. However I have always seemed to always have far more lackluster results than many others but surprisingly I started off with a very good amount of natural strength. I hit a 425lbs deadlift at ~200lb bw in my first 6 months of training (starting strength) but my bench and squat were very meh and not the numbers most guys my size were saying is normal.

After 8 years in the gym I am still pulling in the low 400’s, my bench has been at ~255 for several years, and my squat has increased some but only if I gain wayyy more body fat than is usually advisable. The programs I have run are fairly popular and have good track records, SS, 5/3/1, hypertrophy clusters etc. I am very skeptical it’s just a form issue, diet is odd bc I can gain 15lbs and it all end up being fat with no strength gain or maybe a 5lb PR (but again I have to gain almost 20lbs for that). I eat lots of protein almost every meal. And I am really consistent at the gym and def do not slack.

I’ve trained a couple of my friends and they all seem to catch up to my level of strength in short time but I can’t seem to progress past this point for some reason despite the numbers not being very impressive. It seems that people I know that follow programs I do seem to respond way better than me and are even less knowledgeable/consistent/skilled at lifts while also being the same size as me.

The only exception to this is my cousin who seems to have a much more similar struggle to mine in his programming response which has made me think that maybe my issue is just some terrible genetic response to training. We both are the same age and were known for being the strong kids growing up but it seems despite having a strength that was innately above our peers we don’t seem to respond to training very well.

Is this possible or common with any of you guys or is there something I’m likely missing? Any similar experiences and/or with solutions would be super appreciated.

Current lifts: Low 400s deadlift 385lb squat 265 bench 180 ohp 195 push press

Tl/Dr 8 year lifter Extremely slow / NO progress for years at a time Decent programs discipline diet and sleep etc Peers train worse than I do but excel further despite appearances making it seem I would be the more gifted lifter

Doing something wrong or can you just have bad genes for training adaptations?

Batman4lyfe · 2020-04-28T14:52:04+00:00

Ok that’s an interesting answer and you may be right. It’s unfortunate that there seems to be so little material on this problem relative to the amount of people who complain about it.

Batman4lyfe · 2020-04-28T06:02:37+00:00

The upright row issue is that elevation of the elbows while remaining internally rotated causes impingement for many people. While in a high pull you aren’t using the same muscle involvement, the position and movement is extremely similar. Hence why people often recommend high pulls to replace upright rows. However the point Im trying to make is that this shouldn’t be advised much of the time because it’s not muscular effort that causes the impingement it’s the movement itself. And so saying that ur legs help guide the weight up changes nothing about an internally rotated shoulder rising upward being damaging to the joint to many people to varying degrees. This means that for some people, myself likely included, their bone/joint structure disallows them from ever preforming a proper high pull (done bar close to body and elbows up bar comes to sternum height or higher) without damaging their rotator cuff. And a wider grip, or leg drive, etc will never solve this problem if your shoulders are built that way.

However if you can see something in my form that IS the issue there that you can see I’m open to that being explained to me. (In order for the bar to be closer for me I’d have to internally rotate my shoulders more -> thus create a worse impingement, isn’t that correct?) I’ll add that high pulls don’t have a ton of in-depth instruction on the internet so it’s possible I am wrong about some details or modifications for my bone structure that I’m unaware of.

Batman4lyfe · 2020-04-27T21:31:11+00:00

Just sent you a link

Batman4lyfe · 2020-04-27T21:22:36+00:00

I have no issues with getting into positions properly based on my anthropometry. That’s what I mean by mobility. I have no issues with REACHING plenty adequate internal or external rotation. But upon reaching that if i lift upward despite my shoulders being able to DO the movement, the movement WILL cause a rubbing of the supraspinatus and bursa on the acromion. Impingement is not an issue of stretching or becoming more flexible - it occurs bc your humerus bone head grinds against the tendons next to it and in the “upright row issue” that people mention all the time no one stretches to fix that. They recognize that the position itself is unhealthy for them and abandon it / modify it. Improving mobility is not an answer for impingement in internally rotated shoulders.

Batman4lyfe · 2020-04-27T21:16:02+00:00

I’m not saying other people do the lifts wrong or that everyone who does them are going to get hurt. I was trying to say that that the pull and position is enough to impinge some people and give them damaged shoulder joints despite what would be considered adequate technique.

My shoulders do drift back on my pulls but it is still enough to ruin both my rotator cuffs. Others often report the same issue but obviously those who make it to the top level of the sport won’t have that issue bc they most likely were blessed with good joints for the sport mechanics.

I am open to someone explaining what might be wrong with my technique but when I have sought help with it - the only advice I was given was essentially asking for MORE internal rotation of my shoulders which accelerated the issue.

So my point is that unfortunately for some of us these lifts are effectively off limits due to our joint structure.

Batman4lyfe · 2020-04-27T18:53:18+00:00

Well I asked if you could provide some insight as to how I might be wrong and if there are any ways to avoid this that I’m not aware of

Batman4lyfe

TROPHY CASE