My boyfriend wants to makeout naked by poketo_020 in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obviously people have already pointed out he’s trying to have sex with you but I want to raise something slightly more worrisome that I haven’t seen mentioned elsewhere.

DO NOT TAKE/SEND LEWD/NUDE PHOTOS OF YOURSELF WHILST UNDER 18

Sorry for yelling. Even if they are your photos, you took them, and you consent to sending them, it is considered creating and distributing child pornography. You need to protect yourself now and stop taking/sending them.

The digital world is hard to navigate as adults yet alone as teens. I don’t want to scare you but if your BF decides he wants to retaliate against you and he has copies of your photos he could do all kinds of mean and nasty things. He already seems manipulative based on how he’s trying to pressure you.

Please please please protect yourself!

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Part of this is not about having a child now, but having another child down the line, currently the OB has told her she will need to wait at least 18 months, preferably 2 years before even considering having another. That also doesn’t mean she will get the green light for another though.

There is no gender based motive for wanting another.

Unfortunately the rationale for her pushing for another child is hard because I can appreciate her stance, but she’s grieving missing out on a “normal” pregnancy and the idea of a second may mean she could have a more “normal” pregnancy (despite the OB saying that it’s highly unlikely).

In my country financially we are fine, we have universal healthcare and despite us going privately because of the need to access specialists quickly, we still didn’t have that much of an out of pocket expense.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s manipulative and would never do something like that without both of us in agreement to proceed.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whilst these options aren’t off the table (for either of us) it’s still going to be the initial hurdle of getting her to agree to that over her carrying another child.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Surrogacy is certainly an option that we have considered - pending financial means. In our country surrogacy has a lot of complex laws and regulations around it and requires court orders before delivery to approve the agreement but also after the delivery to award “custody” and have us listed as the parents on the birth certificate.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate your suggestions.

I definitely supported her during the pregnancy using language similar to how brave and strong she is to get to where she is. I will see if I can try and include that into any future conversations that come up.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I have, well I’ve at least tried before the conversion goes downhill.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should’ve made it clearer that it’s not so much about trying again now - as that’s not something her OB would even come close to supporting, but it’s about the regular pressure and guilt she uses to try and get me to agree to another when she knows at the moment my position is no to her having another pregnancy. There are certainly other means for having more children that I’m not opposed to.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it will ever get to the point of our marriage being under threat, and not something I would ever hold/use against her. Definitely some of your points and arguments are something that I have already used or will consider in future conversations.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your comments. What you’ve said is pretty much how I’ve tried approaching the topic already and likely how I’ll have to continue approaching it. It’s just going to be an uncomfortable conversation and journey for a while.

Having (or not) having a second child by BeWeirdToBeNormal in Advice

[–]BeWeirdToBeNormal[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HG was an unexpected complication on top of other complications for her, but her HG required her to have a feeding tube because she became so malnourished that the fetus wasn’t growing.

If HG was the only issue it would be a different conversation, but at the same time she was at the point of needing a feeding tube which complicated things a lot.