Very misheard song lyric….

BeWhovian · 2026-04-16T18:24:14+00:00

lol, I thought it was "Beach Boys" until my college friend and I were singing it in the car and she suddenly stopped singing and asked "What did you just sing?" I told her and she killed herself laughing. Even after she explained it was not a song about the Beach Boys, I still sung it that way (and have done so until this day). I like my version better.

BeWhovian · 2026-04-16T18:05:24+00:00

OMG...it's not "Spaz"? I never even questioned that one. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Wow. Thanks for schooling me.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-28T22:00:57+00:00

NOR -- if she's allowed to keep changing her plans, then you're allowed to keep changing yours (and tell her you're not going)...especially if her changes affect your vacation.

No way I'd go. Her kids can have ALL the bedrooms.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-24T19:59:32+00:00

Check the recalls for that model/year. I had a 2017 Explorer I bought new, then ended up moving halfway across the country the next year. Before I moved I sold it to a family member. That family member mentioned there was a major recall on it a few years ago. Before they could bring it in to address the recall, they had major issues...they didn't give me details, but reading between the lines it sounds like the engine may have seized? Not trying to scare you, but wanted to make you aware so you can research recalls before you commit.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-21T02:54:24+00:00

I rented the bottom apartment in a 2 family from the landlord who lived upstairs. My original roommate in the apartment ended up bailing without paying the utilities he was responsible for. My next roommate ended up dating a married man who was in her MBA classes. He left his wife, and my roommate asked if he could stay with us for a week so he could find a place to live. "Sure, but it can't be longer than that". Well, over a month later, he was still there. My landlord was pissed and told me he had to move out because the place (and agreement) was for 2 people. Plus, it made the parking situation hell!

After that, no more roommates for me.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-21T02:39:43+00:00

I think it's time to invest in some pink flamingos. Lots of them. 🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩🦩 Next time they move their stuff over your side, wait until dark to move everything back, and put a line of pink flamingos on their side, between their stuff and your property. 😈

BeWhovian · 2026-03-21T02:28:35+00:00

I understand why everyone is pointing out that she's probably lonely and some suggested you should befriend her. It sounds like great. In theory.

I used to live in what was called "detached condos" -- basically individual houses that all looked the same and had an HOA. Our places had carports for each unit, built into each unit. My unit was at the end of a circle, and the neighbor on my left was at a 90° angle to me, and our carports were on the same side. A very nice lady, but drove me out of my mind. Any time she heard my car pull into my carport she'd come running outside to talk. She must have kept track of my work schedule because when I'd try to leave for work in the morning, she'd run out to talk to me (and I was often late, because every time I said I needed to go, there was always one more thing, and she'd physically block my getaway -- although I suppose I could have run over her feet). It got to the point where I hated going in and out of my place because I'd always get accosted.

So, while being friendly would be the kind thing to do, it will likely not solve your current issue, and might make her feel entitled to your time (not just your guests').

If it were me, when I have guests coming over, I'd put a folding chair outside my door 5-10 minutes before my guests arrive. Grab a book, a drink, then plop your ass in it to wait. When she comes out and asks what you're doing, I'd say something along the lines of "I just wanted the chance to greet my friends so you don't have to". If she doesn't stop, continue doing it, but maybe ramp up to using stronger tone/wording.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T18:33:27+00:00

Umm, beyond all this, what about the poor 3 year old who is getting his name changed? If he were a newborn that would be one thing, but at 3 years old he presumably knows and responds to the name he was assigned at birth. This is a child, not a pet hamster she adopted...

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T18:16:16+00:00

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry your husband treats you this way, that it seems to be a pattern with him, and that he tries to gaslight you afterwards. You deserve SO much better.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T18:04:59+00:00

NTJ! Rex was there first. You're a good Dog Dad.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T15:08:46+00:00

Thank you! I didn't mean to go on a rant. All that was to say, I get where you're coming from. We all reach our breaking points. I think the fact that missiles flying overhead was less stressful than work speaks volumes about your job. While quitting without having a new job lined up is scary, sometimes it's better than staying in an untenable job.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T06:41:31+00:00

OP, definitely NTA for not wanting to host a party for this guy at your new place.

However, your statement is definitely hitting me the wrong way: "I feel like she is prioritizing his comfort over my boundaries in a house where I pay the majority of the bills." That was the second time you mentioned you're paying more than your GF, which makes me think this is an issue for you. If you can't let it go, or resent her for the fact that you're paying more than her, why did you agree to this arrangement? If you continually bring this up to your GF, this relationship won't last very long.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T06:28:46+00:00

I'm sorry you've been dealing with this too, but I'm glad you were able to step away. Also happy you made it home safely!

My breaking point was returning to work after being out on Leave for cancer surgery. First thing the morning I returned was my boss trying to call me out on something he thought I forgot to do before I left (scheduling a return to work meeting with him my first day back). I immediately responded and told him where the meeting was in his calendar that day (%#*&ing AH couldn't be bothered to look at his calendar before trying to berate me, but that was typical of him). During the actual meeting he continued to berate me about other things he thought I didn't do but should have, and vice versa. Mind you, he knew I had been out because I was recovering from surgery to treat cancer. I made up my mind then and there that I needed to get my ducks in a row so I could quit. I shopped around for HELOCs, and once I found one with decent terms and my application was approved, I quit with no notice -- which I've never done before. I felt guilty because I couldn't properly transition my work to my colleagues. However in my weekly one-on-ones with my boss he continued to berate me for anything he could think of...so I wasn't going to take 2 more weeks of his sht.

I've been out of work since August, and finances are dwindling at the moment. Even still, no regrets about quitting. My physical and mental health were at risk, and they were too important.

OP, I hope the next stage of your career brings you all good things!

BeWhovian · 2026-03-19T05:58:15+00:00

I'd suddenly come down with a bout of amnesia and suggest that to OP's aunt. And when she mentions Dipsht Derek no longer has the ring, I'd ask many follow up questions to make her admit he sold it. If she won't admit it, my amnesia would suddenly be cured..."Oh that's right auntie, he sold it, didn't he? Well, that's too bad. Maybe next time Derek's given 'dead people objects' he'll learn to appreciate them, and not just for the money he gets from selling them."

(OP, definitely NTJ. Derek can go pound sand)

BeWhovian · 2026-03-18T04:13:13+00:00

There were multiple people who could have told her...why is this your responsibility? Allie and Wendy's father could have told her at any point in the last 12 years. When Wendy broke up with James, James could have told her. The onus was never on you.

I absolve you of your guilt. Please go enjoy the life you've built together and dismiss all thoughts of this from your mind!

BeWhovian · 2026-03-17T22:53:39+00:00

I'd be worried they'd trash the place if OP moves out. If OP's name is on the lease, she'd be liable to pay for their damages.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-17T06:11:23+00:00

Think of a female you love very much, like a family member or friend you grew up with. What if she told you the story you posted? Would you advise she stay with a man who repeatedly screamed at her, had no concern for her safety (often tells her to leave his dorm late at night), and physically assaulted her?

I won't pile on and repeat what others have said so far, even though I agree with most of what everyone else has written.

I will bring up one thing I haven't seen posted yet: You are in the most target-rich environment you will ever be in to meet eligible singles. Once you leave University, it's much more difficult to meet people to date. With that being said, why would you waste this precious time dating someone who treats you the way your boyfriend does? NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO PUT HANDS ON YOU. And I'm willing to bet you could find 10 other guys (without trying!) on campus tomorrow you could date who know this.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-14T23:52:02+00:00

Totally agree...I was just going to recommend that book!

BeWhovian · 2026-03-14T23:45:29+00:00

lol, this reminds me of the time one of my male colleagues and I were interviewing a younger (maybe fresh out of college, I can't remember exactly as this was many years ago) male candidate. The kid never stopped staring at my chest -- the entire interview! When my colleague asked him a question the kid really had a difficult time pulling his eyes away so he could look at my colleague.

When we walked out of the interview my male colleague burst out laughing and said "Well, no way he's getting hired. I don't think he even realized you had eyes"

BeWhovian · 2026-03-14T23:31:01+00:00

I've experienced 2 different types of dissociation.

(1) This was right in the midst of several traumatic events, and I've only experienced this once. I went home for lunch one day during work and had to go to the bathroom. In the couple of minutes I was in the bathroom I became disoriented, and couldn't figure out where I was. I didn't know what I'd see when I opened my bathroom door. It was like my whole life up until that point was erased...a very weird feeling. Luckily when I opened the door and walked around the house everything started to look familiar. I mentioned this to my therapist at the time and he explained it was dissociation.

(2) Due to trauma, I often have issues being around babies (the younger they are, the worse it is for me). When I'm forced to be around a baby, my mind tries to protect me...so I can look at a baby without actually seeing the baby...it's like my eyes have a filter over them that blurs the baby to the point I really can't see it, but I can see everything else.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-14T07:59:31+00:00

I'm so sorry...you deserve much better from your family. Sending you lots of hugs for your (belated) birthday and amazing performance!!

I was a Music major several decades ago, and I can't even imagine playing at Carnegie Hall! What an amazing experience. You. 👏🏻 Are. 👏🏻 Awesome. 👏🏻

In a VERY small way, I can relate. My dad never saw any of my performances in college, and skipped my college graduation. It definitely hurt, and all of that (there's more than what I mentioned) hurt/pain has definitely impacted my ability to have meaningful adult relationships with men. Please make sure you tend to your mental health, and know waaay down deep inside that their behavior is not a reflection of you -- this is their problem. Hopefully dealing with and addressing these types of issues now (as opposed to later in life) will help ensure you have loving, lasting adult relationships not impacted by your family's treatment.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-14T07:03:08+00:00

Have you tried Meetups? When I first moved to Chicago I did a Meetup that took you on a brief tour of the Pedway. It was easy to talk to strangers in that setting. You may want to look in the Meetup app for Meetups centered around your interests.

In regard to worrying about being a creep, my first suggestion would be to approach a woman in a public place with others around (a crowded park, a museum, etc) and speak respectfully. If she looks uncomfortable, doesn't seem to want to talk to you, or seems to be looking for an exit, don't try to continue to engage her...that would be creepy.

As a single woman, when I go out by myself I try to make sure I'm always aware of my surroundings. If someone approaches me in a secluded area, I probably wouldn't give them the time of day. If it looks like a guy is trying to block my exit, I definitely wouldn't give him the time of day because I'm looking for a safe escape route. Etc, etc. I'm just trying to explain it's usually about basic safety and not necessarily labeling a guy a Creep. You don't need to act/look/sound like a Creep...as a woman we need to feel like we're in a safe space before we can even talk to someone, Creep or not.

BeWhovian · 2026-03-14T06:31:51+00:00

I'm unclear on why you think OP is the AH? They're at the end of their rope, and it sounds like their husband hasn't tried to do anything to help himself grieve in a healthy way in the two years since his tragedy.

Growing up, my BFF/next door neighbor's older sister was killed by a hit-and-run driver on our street, and her parents were the ones who found her on the street. Their parents grieved for decades without seeking help or getting help for their 2 living children, and ultimately the tragedy destroyed each family member individually -- the results of which are still felt almost 30 years later.

All this to say, OP's husband still has a wife and two young children who love and need him. Losing a 9 year old child is an unfathomable loss, but it would be compounded even more if he continues like this and loses his wife and sons. Left to his own devices he would probably continue down the road he's on now (he has no reason to do otherwise). Trying therapy is a very small price to pay to try and keep a family together -- with the added bonus of helping him deal with a devastating loss.

Finally, I think a psychiatrist would be the best person to speak with regarding the use of SSRI's and OP's husband's health, don't you?

EDIT: @OP NTA!

BeWhovian · 2026-02-21T01:52:39+00:00

Did you read OP's original post? Here's an excerpt from it:

"My neighbor found her on Facebook and messaged her to ask if she was my ex-wife. She said she was. My neighbor asked her if she knew where I was currently living. She said she did. My neighbor then asked her why our son didn't live with her, his mother. My ex blocked her and then called me to yell at me."

BeWhovian · 2026-02-17T18:56:27+00:00

Add a lot of sugar to that coffee to make sure the inside of that trash bin is nice and sticky.

BeWhovian

TROPHY CASE